The Blues....

I just stumbled across this...I'm not a huge blues fan but still it put a smile on my face. It's probably been around awhile but hope it's new to some of you:

How To Sing The Blues

(attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky)

1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. I got a good woman - with the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of. Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve

9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. weekend in the Hamptons

11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
Yes, if:
a. your first name is a southern state-like Georgia
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can't be satisfied.
No, if:
a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you're deaf
c. you have a trust fund.

13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.

14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water
Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.

16. Some Blues names for Women
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie

17. Some Blues Names for Men
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning
Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

17B. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)
a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Mix and Match
Very funny and I am a big blues fan. Thanks for sharing.
5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

You can sing the blues if you have an old Ford, maybe even an old Lincoln. You cannot sing the blues if you have a BMW or Volvo.
Very Very funny :-)
Great thread Muncybob. Muncybob, now there’s a blues name for you. Thanks for passing it along - funny stuff. It made me run for my Alligator Records CDs.
most excellent, thanks for adding a smile to my day
Woke up this morning, with a smile on my face.....
That was great!

I had to go look-the last Blues show I saw was Lonnie Brooks, Wayne Baker Brooks, Biscuit and ???
Funny stuff, thanks.
Thanks for the morning chuckle!!!
Funny. As an eclectic music lover that appreciates the blues among many other styles of music, let me offer an "outsider" observation. I walked into a Buddy Guy show in the Legend club in Chicago this january (one of the temples of Blues in the country), and I made the following first hand observations:

The blues crowd:
Is predominatly male (I estimate over >90% male)
Is vitamin D deficient (lack of exposure to sunlight)
Does not shave on week-days (unless going for a job interview may be)
Takes their blues very serioulsy - (casual listeners need not apply)

It was a great show, and I enjoyed the music as much as the cultural experience.

You also have to pay your dues before you can play the blues
as I recall! Funny, just this morning I was driving in my
car and pulled out ROnnie Earl and Roy Buchannan and I was
thinking that I have not played the blues in a while. This
was perfect timing.

Happy Listening.
You forgot the PBR, the swamp cooler, and taking care of 16 young em's.