Will people buy Snake Oil?

I have just formulated a new product that you apply around your ears in the form of a green gel.It improves the sound of any speaker by at least double.The only visible problem is it looks fairly strange and not many women are attracted too the look or smell.I don't guess this matters to much since most systems are listened to by one person at a time and about anything proclaimed to enhance the sound is acceptable.It's less than the price of rattlesnake meat and you get enough to last through space and drums 3 times.Now to the question.Will anyone buy it?
Not until it gets reviewed. How big is your advertising budget?
It really should smell nice so the women stay around. The people buying this will be sitting in a dimly lit room anyway so looking funny doesn't matter.

A nice touch would be to package the gel in its a battery operated container that warms the gel. This has the side benefit of enhancing the aromatic properties along with feeling nice.

For those people that do not have girl friends you could offer the jazzy "Glow in the Dark" vesion. The added light can help you find your remote on the floor after you drop it.

I will wait for the SE version to come out and then buy that, but it would have to be extremely expensive.
Is this the "Garter Snake" model? If so, I'll take a 55 Gal. drum. I don't care about the price except that it should be high so as to have high perceived value;>). Cheers. Craig
In answer to your question. Yes, of course.
Is this for real?? Is it on "the list"? if so, I want some! Do you take credit cards??
You need to treat it cryogenically first.
The break-in period has me worried, though.... I too will be interested in the battery powered warmer as Ctyler suggested. And you thought IC break-in periods were too long, lol. I better not have to wear this stuff on my ears for >50hrs before it starts working its magic!


Is this a "Stereophile Recommended Component?"
if your product is formulated from the droppings of your hifi cows runnin' in your hififarm fields, you'll likely need the approval of the department of agriculture, the epa and the fda. state and local authorities should also be notified of your, IMO, environmentally unsafe use of cow pies. -cfb
Since when does an "audio product" need to support the claims made for it or be subject to certification ? If the "green gel" is somewhat akin to "runny mucuous", you might even be able to claim that it is "all natural" too... Sean
sean: i'm afraid that hififarm might be subject to ftc scrutiny if they make "all natural" claims, even for runny mucuous. see, e.g.,: http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/alerts/impoalrt.htm

I prefer whale blubber
I had heard that the green gel works better if the room is kept at a temperature of 67 degrees and if the listener wears a baseball cap that has a visor that is green as well. This is all silly because everyone knows that the red gel blows the green gel away.
Expect to retire soon! Make a copper, silver, and gold color
even if there is no difference and price accordingly. As mentioned above, make sure it's expensive and no dealer discounting. Maybe you can combine it with Campbell's ear trimmer as a "system".

I think cfb is an attorney, maybe he can help you go public, were all rich and we can stop buying used stuff from this site. Count me in.
If you use the battery warmer, then you MUST get the battery conditioner, and the 8 gauge battery power connects.
Also, I understand that batteries with tube-based circuits make the warmth, err... warmer.

If it hasn't been reviewed by somebody with initials as opposed to a real name or end up on a recommended list, I want nothing to do with it. These folks are pros, what do we know, dammit we trust our ears! C'mon guys and girls, let's stop kidding ourselves the answer is in Seacliff or Arizona. Shall we flip a treated coin?
Don't flip the new Euro, I hear it's biased! (true story)

.......I like the way the Audiogon readership thinks. Bravo. Craig
I offer after market mods for the Green Gel Snake Oil. Mod. 1A involves a propriety blend of carbon fiber and Kevlar. Mod. 2A is the ultimate...pressure injection of tritium and tungsten carbide dust, and is then cryo-treated! In addition, the Mod. 2A comes with a certificate for a free forehead tatoo..."POWERED BY GREEN GEL MOD 2A!" Shows the world that you have THE BEST!!
How do you become a distributor?The price better be high so all us Gon'ers think we've got to have at least a set of them.
There is allways someone somewhere out there with lemons in his or hers eyes !
Please put me on the demo list.
I can't remember the exact source but a reviewer claimed the updated MK II prototype green gel provided: 1) an improved soundstage 2) Lifted a vail of film on the sound 3) Improved the bass response 4) Brought out sounds he hadn't heard before on favorite recordings, and 5) best of all, his spouse approves. Someone email Sight and Sound to nominate it for the first Recommended Product for 2002!
Alas, some people will claim they can't hear a difference. But, hey....I'm sure I need some.....
FORGET THIS PRODUCT! My company has something better. In keeping with names that young people identify with (and can spell) Znaque Oyul Inc. introduces Eeer Lenziz. This product consists of three magic soda straws that hang in front of each ear from an unobtainium head frame with spikes. Samples have been sent all revievers, with a notes enclosed stating that they needn't return the samples, thus ensuring "Class A" reviews.
the original was blacklisted. It seems it became the most likely candidate in the mysterious death of family pets. Turns out the main ingredient was ethylene glycol laced with corn starch for thickener. The less known property of resistance to upper thermal extremes was perfect for those self proclaimed experts now matter how hot they got. Even the loss of Rover and Scooby-Doo was originally tollerated, aparently Fido had previously decided that his masters $10,000.00 power cord resembled rawhide string.
Maybe I am a cross-reference freak (or just plain freak, hell I don't know), but would the ear hair clipping suggested by another thread allied to this fine product produce significant synergy and turn non-existant improvements into "substantial sonic dividends" and borderline differences into "HUGE improvements"? Could I hear below 20hz and way above 20khz even if I have reached the half century mark, with half that time immersing my ears in the good, the bad and the ugly sound-wise at high db levels? I do so much want to be a golden eared audiophile, where can I write for this fine fine product and do you have an "ES" or "signature" version with better chemicals used throughout? I surely would be ready to pay at least ten times for that better version. I await your speedy reply and look to you with failing ears...
Not so fast buddy! Now explain to me how does this work? Now can I wear my glasses during listening sessions? Does it work with headphones? How much use you get out of one application? Put me in waiting list anyway....
Sorry Hififarm....but I'm gonna spill your secret!

Ok guys...The Goo doesn't do anything to the exterior of your ear to make you hear better. This is just smoke and mirrors to lead you down the bunny trail. The real reason
you place this on your ears is to absorb the secret ingrediant directly to the body part that needs it. Inside your ears are little hairs that sway back and forth or vibrate(?). These hairs can start to lay down after a while especialy after playing at loud volumes.

Yep...You guessed it, what a smart bunch we have here! The secret ingrediant is a Viagra dirivitive that after much testing, and many happy wives later, only afects the hairs in the ear.

By allowing the hairs to "stand up" with enthusiasm they can collect and transmit the sound much better. This is percieved as a brighter but not harsh midrange that has more sence of presence. Also the highs seem to go forever and have more air.

Sorry to spoil the mystery..LOL!
So that's what you did with all of that okra.
I want a years supply!
I think we should all just put foam wedges behind our ears giving us that Alfred E. Neuman look...Hey...we spend hours positioning speakers to point them at our ears...now it's time to start positioning our ears. Or maybe we could all wear one of those big plastic dog collars (you know, the ones that vets use to keep fido from chewing on himself after surgery) to gather all the sound possible. LOL
It is impossible for "Green Gel" to make a difference. I have already performed numerous double-blind on various subjects. We used "Yellow Gel" and "Brown Gel". The results were indisputable....Gel is Gel is Gel. It all sounds the same. Happy Listening :-) Doug
Doug, you forgot about "system synergy". While the yellow gel and brown gel do nothing individually, it is when they are mixed together that they really begin to shine. However, as with any other audio based product, you may have to play with the exact mixtures of how much of each gel to use. A proper combination of the two can really unleash the "magic" that your system has been capable of all along. However, using too much of one type can make the system too dark and depressing ( brown ) and going the other way will make it overly bright and "sunny" sounding ( yellow ). Having said all of that, you will really need to experiment to see what works best in your system and suits your personal preference.

As to the green gel, we've done extensive testing and found out that it was simply moldy cheese and broken up bits of "penicillin bread" suspended in fermented Olive oil. While it does nothing for enhancing your sonic pleasures, it doesn't taste too bad once you get past the smell.... : ) Sean
Since I have a masters and a PHD in EE from the University of Canadian Kings, I must tell you, that this is all nothing but subjectivist brabble. Obviously you have fallen prey to autosuggestion, quite common with audiophiles. According to established rules of science, any gel with previously established specific gravity and identical molecular structure, as has been repeatedly shown in carefully conducted double blind testing, will sound exactly the same, no matter what colour!
Dr. Thadeus Troll, msc.UCK
And what in the world does the above discussion have to do with EE?
Sorry Dr. Troll, you are out of your field.
Do these improvements with the gel work better with the lights on or off? do UV rays have any effect on the gels performance? Can I use the "gel" as hair gel so the improvement soaks into my skull? these are obvious questions that need answering, and what the heck is a color blind person to do????????
Dear Flex, you are quite wrong of course. Our research at UCK (reprinted in "Unscientific American" VOl.01 is.2234 in an article coauthored by Schrumpelmeyer, Tsu Ming, McCraggen, Lipshitz, Finkelstein and O'Brian ) I proved conclusively that the gel's basic ingredient of faeces bovini do indeed help to block off the effects on your hearing of ELECTROSMOG, which is present and can be measured in every listening area. So the basic ingredients of the gel DO work as reported above. Mixing any other ingredients with it, only seem to serve the manufacturer to sell it to gullible audiophiles. There is no difference in measurements, hence no difference in its effects. Since the gel works as a repellent, there should not be a notable difference with the lights on or off, apart of the effect, that music is generally recieved better by the brain with the lights off, exception being DVDs by Lopez et al. There are studies around, which suggest, that massaging it in to your hair, will counteract the effects of VIAGRA. The number of trials reported however, seeem to lie below the level of statistical significance.
Dr. TT
Hey Detlof, What if you ain't got any hair?
Well, I also suffer from an overdose of testosterone and I ain't got none, so I smuggled some out of the lab (Schrumpelmeyer, Tsu Ming, McCraggen, Lipshitz, Finkelstein and O'Brian didn't notice) and applied a good dose of faeces bovensi to my plate. To my utter surprise it went into a postive synergy with Sildenafil (VIAGRA), which lasted for three hours. I was so shocked by the discovery, that I was unable to put it to practical use, nor was I able to listen to music. Possibly it pays to shave your head. What is unclear however, if Electrosmog had a catalytic effect to start the described reaction. Also we don't know, if it only works with material gathered in the midwest of the US. I've persuaded Schrumpelmeyer, who has friends in Switzerland, to get us some from the Alps. Thankyou for your interest. Dr. T.Troll
Take note Jcbtubes.
Hey, a weekend has come and gone. Is the Mk III version out yet?
Yes, I hear it allows sound waves to pass at 96% the speed of sound, as opposed to the mere 94% of the MK II.

If you price it real high so that everyone will be convinced that it works you just might get some sales.
I am so incredibly fired up about having my cilia excitated into vertical, esctatic reverie! Yes, I agree, we should wait for the MkII version, although, perhaps, I can call the garage-geek manufacturer (finally getting attention after not being picked for dodge ball in the six grade) and get him to introduce a Signature version for a premium. That way, I will know that Joe-audio-buddy down the road will not be able to claim that his is better, and, then, I can claim, no matter what, to hear better. And then, I can go down to the Neighbohood audio store and hang out with them, telling myself that my buying even more expensive crap from them has nothing to do with my need to hang out with "audio celebrities." And then, I can hear some guru - we'll call him Bs - tell me that the latest goo I must have, and that it has nothing to do with full color ads, or gear sold out the reviewer's back door post review (to you guys), or the guru's need to be a guru and narcissistically sit on the apex heap of an over-inflated microcosm.

Yea, I think I'll wait until then...
asa: >>narcissistically sit on the apex heap of an over-inflated microcosm<
Why, cornfedboy, what do you mean? You need to come right out and say what you think. Oh forget that, I'll contact you myself.
Cornfedboy, I sent you a message with my name and phone number. Let me know what you meant.
Rumour has it the Reference I version will be hitting the market -- can anyone confirm this?