The better the stereo, the less volume is needed to feel the performance.
Yet, the performance will never seem completely realistic, if the volume is too low (the band does not play at low volume). Rock singers do not belt out their vocals at low volume.
My preference is loud enough to pressurize the room, but not too loud to distort the room, or cause amps to clip, or cause speakers to stop being pistonc (which will lead to distortion, perhaps unnoticed, but will still be fatiguing).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2pvz6RDBCE
Another problem is that countless songs are poorly mixed and mastered. We might want to feel the drums, but the incompetent studio personnel dialed them down to a whisper. So we turn up the volume to get some umph out of the recording, which, unfortunately, hurts our ears due to everything else in the recording now playing too loud.
I find myself adjusting the volume for nearly every song, and often during a song.
For example: Grand Funk Railroad's "Paranoid":
A so-so quality job done by the studio personnel. So you turn up the volume. But then at the 4:19 time mark, some imbecile in the studio turned up the gain on Mark Farner's guitar to "rip your ear drums" level. So knowing that assault is coming, I turn the volume down (and I am confident that most others do, too).
Volume is a battle with not only your room, and your own equipment's design, but also with the incompetent studio personnel.
They are not all incompetent. There's great stuff out there. The battle is with the ones that screwed up hit songs.