I have a serious phobia problem with cleaning records

What happened with me was I kept using one of those kits you buy at radio shack or the red bottle of mysterious liquid with the wood brush and cloth bit ... Where you spray the LP and you like have very little patience thinking it’s dry by using the cloth... Then you put on the LP and that’s the first LP it’s horrendous static ... Then freak out ... Cause it’s just major static thinking what did I do it didn’t sound like this before. You take out a random record do nothing to do it but wipe the dust off it with a different cloth you put the LP on you experience the exact same static you had with the LP you think you were trying to clean and every record after that till you don’t play records for months cause you think you ruined the records the turntable the stylus the cart the tone arm everything till the stylus maybe dries or whatever or you simply ruined the cart .. . Now you put static on your stylus cart maybe thru the tone arm... That’s why I say ............... Phobia ................. So to over come this horror with cleaning records I want a machine to do the whole thing but I don’t want the same results... I liked CD’s where you didn’t have to do anything... But you know that whole story... I really don’t play records I transfer them to digital because well they sound better 75 percent of the time... Sometimes a CD can kick a record out of the park.... It all depends... But records for me many of the time you have to do yourself because the sound just sounds better and usually it’s artist and a album no one cares to transfer to digital it’s a whole science ... Then there’s my vinyl rig not sure what I’m doing with that either... I really like when " rippers " deal with it and do it better cause they have this amazing discipline I been dealing with internet vinyl ripping phenomena since 2007. Before 2006 I was buying CD’s off amazon as stores went out of business one by one ...  And records were over for me in 1987 when I was given a CD player as a present and that went on for 20 years  CD's thousands of CD's .. Then internet 1995 then fiber optic cable 2008 the resurgence of vinyl... But you I'm sure you know the trouble with all that... Still going on today .... I won't go into the details... This was enough ...

Pay someone to clean your LPs! Preferably nearby! I"d do it for you if you were in the neighborhood. I have cleaned over 1000 LPs! I also clean second-hand CDs! Over 1000 of them! 

I use a Nitty Gritty Record  cleaning machine.   It's the manual version, I have to spin the record myself.  The vacuum is a bit loud although. I also use deionized water in a damp cloth.

I also have Okki Nokki machine but I use Audio Intelligent fluids and have no fear of doing anything bad to the records.
I am sure Walker is fine too. I would also trust Walter Davis of Last Factory with anything he makes. For records and for tapes.

You don’t need a large feature set on a vacuum RCM. You need something to rotate the record and some means to deploy the vacuum function to remove the fluid/contaminants. The Nitty Gritty is a bit odd in that it does not have a full sized platter to work the record, and their machines with which I’m familiar (older) all utilized vacuum on the underside of the record.
The various wand machines, like VPI, Okki, Project, SOTA (if it still made) should be evaluated largely for robustness. When I used that type of machine, I had two separate vacuum wands mounted to separate arm pillars so I could switch out the cleaning fluid and rinse fluid wands in seconds. Its a small monetary investment that helps you keep the cleaning and rinse steps separate, along with using different applicators for each.
There are a million different ways to clean, everyone has their preferred machine, fluid, applicators, technique, and sequence of steps. I spent a fair amount of time digging into this, and really dug down by spending the day with the folks at the Packard Campus of the Library of Congress that does intake on their collection.
I’ve experimented with various methods, fluids, applicators and the like. I can’t say I’ve owned and used every type of machine but after devoting a lot of time to the process, there are a few simple truths:

• Do no harm-- a bad "cleaning" is worse than no cleaning- you are contaminating the record, and could even damage it. (Perhaps part of the source of your worry).
• If you want to keep it simple, I’d recommend a good basic vacuum RCM without all the bells and whistles- you don’t need two sided reverse cleaning with fluid dispensers. You can manually clean the record-- that’s how most of the vacuum machines are designed anyway, and simply vacuum off the fluid.
• Dry doesn’t mean clean. Residue from cleaning fluid bound with the contaminants that the fluid is supposed to help remove can leave you worse off than no cleaning. See first point, above.
• I believe in a rinse step using some level of purified water.
• There is also a synergistic relationship between manual/ vacuum cleaning on one side and ultrasonic on the other. I use both manual/vacuum and ultrasonic to achieve good, consistent results.

If you have a large enough investment in records, a good set up, which doesn’t have to be terribly expensive, is vital. I got to the point where it was worthwhile for me to buy a big Keith Monks (Omni) and have owned and used several different made for LP ultrasonic machines. You can go fancy or cheap on all of this stuff: one way to do it is a basic vacuum RCM and DIY ultrasonic.
The main thing is method, not the brand names of the machinery. (Though a cheap ultrasonic machine may crap out on you-- but that has happened to expensive ones too).
Neil Antin’s latest version of his paper on Precision Aqueous Cleaning of LPs is essentially a reference to the materials science and chemistry of record cleaning and is very deep and thorough. Nonetheless, Neil  starts with a simple manual clean that involves no machinery and gets good results because his methodology is sound.

As to being phobic about wet cleaning, I think you have to deal with that on your own. I don’t see anything scary about it; I mean, you cue your turntable and if you drop the stylus too fast for some reason, or mishandle the tonearm, you’ll not only risk a record but a potentially expensive cartridge. Like anything, the more you do this, and know about it, the better results you can get. But, the main objective to me isn’t the sonic "lifting of veils" or the dramatic change in sound quality that is like "upgrading a new component"™, it’s that you’ve removed contaminants from the record that reveal its full potential, sonically, and enables you to preserve the record for a lifetime or more without leaving contamination in your wake or adding to it by the "cleaning" process.