Your not a serious audiophile I'd you have??????

You're not a serious audiophile if you don't run to check your tubes when your baby touches them while they're running hot! Afterwards maybe you check on your baby's fingers...

Funny. Let me try too.
You are not a serious audiophile if you don't keep your cartridge at a constantly monitored precise temperature.
You are not an audiophile at all if you can't hear the difference when you machine clean the same record with different fluids.
You are definitely an audiophile if you still prefer reel to reel deck to anything else.
You are a super audiophile if you always align the cartridge by ear.

If you haven't participated in a "cable matters / no it doesn't" debate

You're not a serious audiophile unless you have taken out a second mortgage on your house to fund an upgrade for your system.

1. If you don't have tubes
2. If you don't adjust VTA per each record
3. If you use original component feet
4. If you don't have at least 20 releases of Abbey Road and Dark Side Of The Moon
5. If you don't clean record before each "critial" listening
6. If you don't hear difference between wire "directions"
7. If you don't have at least 5 sets of different tubes for your equipment to "roll"
8. If you don't have Diana Krall, Cassandra Wilson, Nora Jones or Patricia Barber
9. If you don't have any of TAS, StereoFile or similar magazines on your end-table top inside the listening room.