Where to get advice on a new system build

@lalitk  +1

I would start by doing a survey of local dealers. When you walk in I would first find the owner and introduce yourself and explain what you want to do, and that first you want to find the sonic family you are looking for. So, listen to the best they have. You want a dealer you can relate to and is on your side and carries brands that satisfy your preferences. Unless you are planning on trading a lot of equipment, buying new and holding for a decade or two can be a great way to go. If the hobby is trading equipment... well that is a different hobby than I am good at. 

One thing, the industry has not changed since you were in it. Sonus Faber still sound like Sonus Faber... Wilson like Wilson, Audio Research like Audio Research.  In each category there have been minor improvements. 

Local Audiophiles could be a good way to listen with out buying. Look in facebook local area groups, ask at local audio shops about groups etc. 

@glennewdick +1.  Share your general geographic location, and see if any locals reach out via private message.  

This may not be a popular suggestion, and is in no way intended to supplant the solid recommendations you have received but, just for fun, have you tried a conversation with AI? I suggest asking AI (try Google AI mode or another free option) your system building questions as succinctly as possible, including things like the music you like, tubes or solid state, available space for the system and speakers, your budget, and anything else that helps define your ideal outcome. When you get your initial response, don’t hesitate to use the follow-up (“ask anything”) feature to correct any inaccuracies or misconceptions and to dive deeper until you get helpful answers that make sense to you. This could be particularly helpful if you are considering used equipment.  You can also ask follow-up questions like, “am I forgetting anything” or “what else should I be asking”. You might be surprised what you learn.

This is wonderful advice, thank you!  I have plenty of patience, and I will likely enjoy the hunt very much.

lalitk, ghdprentice.  That makes perfect sense. A dialogue with them feels like a good start, see if there is a “ love connection” or move on.  I am an hour away from most places so I would call or see what they offer/ suggest.

I live in the treasure coast of Florida area, I have a several dealerships north, south and west of me, including a few big ones where I can listen to all the stuff I cannot afford, but that may be my best source of used gear.  

I have been using ai to dabble with things, mostly for acoustic treatment advice.  The sound stuff was fun at first, but the desire to listen has come to the forefront.

thanks glennewdick, I will see if i can find a few folks locally to listen, etc.

am I asking the right questions?