I have a serious phobia problem with cleaning records

Believe it or not, I totally agree with MC. If the OP is serious, he should seek help. If he is joking, OK it’s not that bad a joke. Personally, I am very relaxed about whether I clean an LP or not. I own a VPIHW 17, but I use it infrequently.On the other hand, when I do occasionally develop ambition for cleaning records, I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to see the amount of grunge and crap that can be washed off an apparently good looking LP. The OP seems to expect uniform results from cleaning. But one should not expect uniform results, because every single record is in a different state of use or abuse. So in some cases cleaning will make a big difference. In other cases, you won’t hear much difference at all.If an LP sounds bad due to previous years of abuse under some other guy’s ownership, then you can clean it until death, and it won’t help.

And one more thing that really drives me mad.... When you buy a sealed LP and all this stuff appears on the LP can you get that off the LP... I bought sealed LP's that we're 50 years old and when I undid the old seal Jesus the thing had these spots of whatever it was all over the LP... And no fungal record cleaner could get them out or off and then right liquid equals static for me anyway.  I don't buy them anymore.  But even if they're 5 years old sometimes vinyl has those spots or gunk or whatever it is on the sealed LP's ... Even on used LP's I find that ...  Vinyl drives me nuts ..  Half the time not but when it happens it just sounds like a mess.

op

Vinyl drives me nuts .. Half the time not but when it happens it just sounds like a mess.

https://www.qobuz.com/us-en/discover

tremendous enjoyment, zero fuss, no fear 👌

We use a painters pad (thousands of little soft bristles)
either Dawn or ivory soap, run the brush around the record numerous times, 
rinse in sink with water on halfway to keep the air out of the stream, the aeration will cause water to not get in the grooves,...use luke warm water (almost cool to touch). 
 I towel dry with a very old worn cotton towel , so there is no cotton, or residue , then I fire up the shop-vac , with the thin attachment, which I cut pieces of felt w adhesive on back side, all the way around the attachment, works a charm, sucks water, dust, dirt, out like a champ!

 Unconventional, yes, works awesome. Takes much longer than a 600$ machine, and I feel works better.  My opinion only.   We each have our own way to clean our lps’

   Also, I bought the mofi and dishwasher rice inner sleeves. And the Japanese resealable mylar outer sleeves.
  All my records are now immaculate and in storage. After I recorded many of them to a computer and burned them to taiyo yuden cd blanks. 

Also, stop overthinking it, they are records.
unless you clean them with a wire brush and comet, you will be fine. 


 Enjoy the music!

I just received the Nitty Gritty Mini Pro 2 got never used for 600 BUCKS not sure if it’s a POS or what.. It was never used but from the guy at Nitty Gritty the machine is 10 years old from the serial number and used what was left of the Pure 2 that came with the machine that was also 10 years old how long are these fluids good for I have a bottle here of MOFI PLUS Enzyme cleaner but was told never put like that type of fluid in the one tank just the Pure 2 only that means manual brushing with the MOFI brush I have probably contaminated I also found this spray bottle of PFAN STAT to eliminate static I can’t remember if that was crap or if the MOFI liquid I have is crap or if the Nitty Gritty chemicals is crap . I used it on a few records. And then played them ... I think I heard a difference in sound but the crackles pops tics were all still there. I felt like throwing the machine out the window thru the glass... I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. And a degritter and that Kirmuss guy sure the machine is the easy part but then it’s like you shave the record manually like 2 times... He’s been called the snake oil in the business. Also the vacuum works like any other but the pump and dispenser doesn’t really coat the record like your black painting a record with fluid... I don’t maybe I should quit LP’s and go back to singing in the shower. Or what I should of done sent 50 records to one of these professional record cleaners let them do for 200 bucks and been done with it.. But no crackles tics or pops. Scratches well the record is ruined. I don’t play those. Then there’s declicking ... Forget that... This is too much as it is... When you don’t what your doing you go mad. Seems like the 2.5 FI - XP with the two pumps it's cheaper but does it do more. Why does that machine have two pumps and the Mini Pro 2 has one I know cleans both sides at the same time... Maybe I should kidnap Kirmuss and make him do all my records since he seems to know everything while banging that bunny on his head.