My love of music is killing me.


I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller
Dean, we lost our youngest son, Michael, 9 years ago. I know what I went through and can understand your pain and anger. It took me about 6 years to realize there was no one I could hurt, kill, maim, or even point a finger at and make it better. Contact me if you want to talk. I won't guarantee I can help because I still fight it every day. ;-)
Dean-
Your post has got a 52 year old, normally stoic man, crying at his computer this afternoon.
Ditto for this 59'er. For your pain and also for the horror and fear that it unleashes in all of us w children. I, too, urge you to get some help in trying to find a way to get past this. Not get over it, I know you never will. But time does help. I have a close friend who lost a 20 y.o. son, maybe 15 years ago. You can make it to the other side of your grief; if it takes a professional guide then, so be it. In the mean time, your Audiogon friends (even friends you haven't met yet, me included) wish you all the best.

Dan_ed- I had no idea. My deepest sympathies to you and the rest of Michael's family.

My son is getting a major hug when he gets home tonight.
Peace
This November it will be 5 years since the loss of my 15 year old daughter to cancer and indeed there is a certain horror to those last days that cannot be described.
I too then reached out to my newly found friends at AudioCircle, who will never know how much their support and love helped me survive. Literally.
Cancer blows.
I wish you whatever peace you can find, my friend and brother in this fight.
-Mike