Jokes of and about audiophiles

We mostly take us very seriously. Being passionate about something is an earnest undertaking. Why not some comic relief then? I just wonder, if there are any audiophile jokes in existence, like say, those about viola players amongst musicians. Jokes about, against, from audiophilia? If not, how about some creative writing and inventing? We should laugh more, I find and a bit of selfirony can be very relaxing und is hence good for hearing acuity.
2 audiophiles talking. 1st one says, "Did you hear the sad news about Bob; he died of a sudden illness." 2nd audiophile says, "That's so sad, what did he have?" 1st audiophile replies, " Krell, Thiel, Theta, and Nordost."
How long does it take for an audiophile to change a light bulb?

Answer : Forever, because he can't get past the double blind testing.
how many audiogon posters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

seven: one to actually put the bulb in the socket, five to determine whether the cable running to the lamp will affect the quality of the light output and the last to argue that cables are meaningless without a light meter that will measure in millionths of candle power.
The audiophile, on his way to his Linn dealer to have his LP12 adjusted and tweaked for the 50th time, stops at the bank to make a quick cash withdrawal. Figuring that it will only take a couple of minutes he leaves his precious 'table in full view on the back seat of his car. He runs into the bank. Upon returning to his car he notices that one of the windows has been smashed. Oh no!!! he cries in despair and when he looks in he sees: TWO LP12's.
Q: How can you tell that the audiophile is sitting in the sweet spot and that his listening chair is perfectly level? A: He's drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
How do you keep an audiophile in suspense for 24 hours?

-I'll tell you tomorrow.
Let me elevate this thread:

Two audio experts, one from Circuit City and one from Bose, are walking down the street. They notice, over on a porch, a dog licking his "privates." The Circuit City guy laments to his buddy, "Man, I wish I could do that." The Bose man replies, "I do too, but I'm afraid he might bite me!" [:)]
Hey guys:..... I'm kinda sensitive;can ya knock it off?I get enough "input" elsewhere,without getting my ridicule here.....Going back to listen to my Boze "Limited Edition Mark vii System".
Why did the amplifier hum?

Answer: It didn't know the words.
(Hey, this was an actual answer to a recent Audiogon post)
Detlof; thanks for the thread, I enjoyed the humor of all the posts-- gave everybody +1/+1 votes-- except Eddie got a +2/+2 for an incredibly funny "take" on our sometimes goofy hobby. Craig
An audiophile was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The audiophile took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the audiophile took the
frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The audiophile said, "Look I'm an audiophile. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
If you introduce your wife as "My Wife Aacceptance Factor"
If your Christmas Wish List costs more than the GNP of a small country
If you can name 6 brands of turntables
If your speakers can be mistaken for the Monolith in "2001"
If your idea of a "good read" is the Audio Advisor Catalog
If your favorite movie is "High Fidelity"
If you have used Blu Tack and duct tape for something other than tacking paper and taping ducts
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of listening to 3 seconds of each CD looking for the best "demo track"
If you drive a car with an "I'd rather be listening to my audio system" license frame
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to check out the "build quality"
If you have more money invested in your system than in your 401K
If you have copies of "The Absolute Sound" displayed on your coffee table and "Sound & Vision" in your bathroom
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can hear differences between battery brands in your Walkman
If you can quote an entire paragraph from an equipment review
If you have outfitted your little portable CD player with beefy external powered speakers
If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
If, when you go into a home electronics store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance, just to check out how it sounds in the system
I am shocked! Shocked! I can't believe there is levity here. I fall upon wet green ink, a CD smeared with it - if you will, perfectly rounded, but still sadly lacking in response.
This is the truth. My Grandfather was visiting and looking at my CD collection, of course he had to ask what they were. My answer of CD only ment one thing to him, Certificate of Deposite, I had to explain what they were. As he looked at how many there were he then asked how much each one cost. His reply was "..boy, for that much money you could of had a " CD " ".
How many double-blinders does it take to change a lightbulb?

None -- they can never achieve a 95% confidence level that the bulb is dead.
A friend of mine explaining to his wife why the amps have to stay on all the time, when the electric bill arrives the first time after he installs his Class A 200W mono blocks:

"Honey, I'm telling you, listening to my system is just like taking a shower... When you turn the shower on, cold water comes out, if you immediately step in, well, it is unpleasant. It needs time to warm up. Just because water comes out, does not mean it's a great shower. It'ls like that with my amplifier, of course music comes out right after you turn it on, but it is not great music. It takes time for it to warm up and sound right."

To which his wife replies with a straight face:

"Ahh... Got it. So we should run the shower 24 hours a day?"
A tube-head goes to buy a new car. He goes to the dealership and asks for a 30 day test-drive. He then takes that car to all the places he normally goes, at all times of day, making sure to bring along all the people he would normally carry. He takes obsessive notes while doing this. He drives the same road about 50 times during the 30 day trial. This process is repeated for about 10 different cars.

When he finally buys the car and takes it home, the first thing he does is change the oil. Not happy with the result, he will buy a different brand of oil and change it again. Of course, the same roads are tried after each oil change, again making obsessive notes. His friends are divided in two groups; those that cannot get enough of the oil stories, recommending ever more expensive and hard to get brands of oil, and those that are now starting to avoid him. After about 6 months, he settles on a motor oil that is very hard to get and costs about 1/3rd of the price of the car, but it sure makes it run much better.

And every saturday morning, his spouse just wants to get the groceries. She gets in the car, so does he. He starts, frives out of the driveway, and proudly asks as they get to the grocery store: "Well, what do you think?" meaning of course the improved smoothness with the new oil and all, to which she responds "It sure is busy this saturday morning."

To make up for this, he takes his friends out on saturday afternoon, to drive down the same piece of road he has driven down 50 times before...
Favorite birthday gift for an audiophile that does not have a turnrable: An LP. You will know the boys from the men quickly; the boys will complain they do not have a turntable. The men will proudly inform you they will get a second mortgage shortly to be able to buy the new set to play this beauty...
Not an audiophile joke but it is about music:
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner