Etiquette for a listening session?


'Sup?

Every now and then when my friends have nothing better to do, they'll acquiesce to my standing invite to come over to listen to some tunes on the main system downstairs. Over the years I've learned to choose my invites wisely, based on whether or not the invitee seems to evince any leaning towards or sympathy for audiophilia.

A few times I've been incredibly lucky and chanced upon a friend who doubles as an audiophile and we while away a happy evening and night spinning cd's and lp's and talking about the tracks and artists - and the drinks we have. We do talk, but between tracks or artists, not during. But a few times I've had people over, usually as part of a small group, who insist on talking over the track, much in the same way I constantly annoy my wife by talking during a movie.

The other weekend I invited over a couple, the husband with whom I play in a band; the wife whom I've never met. And while my wife and I and they nursed drinks and listened to tunes, his wife insisted on talking about whatever, bringing up pictures on her phone, and evincing every sign that she had never seriously considered the idea of a listening session to be something worthwhile.

Okay, I get it. It's not for everyone; analogous to if a friend who was into home theater had just gotten a new, hi-end projector had invited me over to watch a movie. Yes, I would have appreciated the clarity, etc. But it's still just a movie, no matter how much resolution there may be on a screen (actually, if there were indeed such a friend, I'd try to get into the video aspect as much as I'd like her or him to enjoy the audio, if only out of respect).

But it's also happened before, like with another (former) band member, another guitarist, who kept talking through the tracks while the rest of us tried (or pretended to try - I can only speak for myself) to listen.

So what's proper etiquette? Do I play the good host and let come what may? Do I lay down ground rules? I know that most people don't actively listen to music, nor appreciate the nuances of a good system, and usually don't care too much, either -- gearheads are gearheads, no matter the passion, and are appreciated only by other gearheads. Just as I remember, in retrospect, a few audiophiles when I was younger who obviously had good systems, but back then I neither knew nor cared about stuff like that, and so was much the same kind of person I'm complaining about now.

But how would you address that kind of behavior or reaction during a listening session?


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Showing 3 responses by bdp24

I don’t want anyone listening with me, intently or otherwise. Is that sad? I want to become one with the music, it totally inhabiting my soul. If there is anyone else in the room (which has only a single chair anyway---for me), that’s not gonna happen. It’s kinda like that scene in the great Coen Brothers movie The Man Who Wasn’t There, where Billy Bob Thornton’s character’s attorney is talking about the theory that the act of observing something changes the nature of that thing. Listening, I mean REALLY listening, requires undistracted, focused attention; if I’m not alone, I’m distracted, just by the presence of someone else. And it trivializes the experience. Oh, it’s selfish. To me, listening to music is no different than reading a book (except that music is a much deeper experience, of course); I need complete silence to be able to read---no distractions. I sometimes put in my molded ear plugs to block out the world.

That’s the "solo" system---the video system is for guests.

jmc, I love you! I was slightly exaggerating to make my point; I will of course have another person in my music room to play something for---a person I know, or even think, will appreciate the greatness of. Usually another musician, or at least musically appreciative sort. I remember playing "Oh Marcella", a Brian Wilson song on The Beach Boys Carl & The Passions album, for a great songwriter I knew (R.I.P.). The chords and melody are so majestic, I just had to make sure he heard it. And the superior sound provided by a high end system is just the way to make great music more effortlessly appreciated, a means to an end. That’s why I don’t like to think of Hi-Fi as a "hobby". That’s like calling breathing a hobby. Wait, where are you going? ;-). No music, no life.
The title of this post says it all. Normal people don’t refer to listening to music (or, more accurately, merely hearing it) as a "session", a distinct, dedicated endeavor. Music is just "on" while other, more important, things are done. Like talking about the Kardashians.