Etiquette for a listening session?


'Sup?

Every now and then when my friends have nothing better to do, they'll acquiesce to my standing invite to come over to listen to some tunes on the main system downstairs. Over the years I've learned to choose my invites wisely, based on whether or not the invitee seems to evince any leaning towards or sympathy for audiophilia.

A few times I've been incredibly lucky and chanced upon a friend who doubles as an audiophile and we while away a happy evening and night spinning cd's and lp's and talking about the tracks and artists - and the drinks we have. We do talk, but between tracks or artists, not during. But a few times I've had people over, usually as part of a small group, who insist on talking over the track, much in the same way I constantly annoy my wife by talking during a movie.

The other weekend I invited over a couple, the husband with whom I play in a band; the wife whom I've never met. And while my wife and I and they nursed drinks and listened to tunes, his wife insisted on talking about whatever, bringing up pictures on her phone, and evincing every sign that she had never seriously considered the idea of a listening session to be something worthwhile.

Okay, I get it. It's not for everyone; analogous to if a friend who was into home theater had just gotten a new, hi-end projector had invited me over to watch a movie. Yes, I would have appreciated the clarity, etc. But it's still just a movie, no matter how much resolution there may be on a screen (actually, if there were indeed such a friend, I'd try to get into the video aspect as much as I'd like her or him to enjoy the audio, if only out of respect).

But it's also happened before, like with another (former) band member, another guitarist, who kept talking through the tracks while the rest of us tried (or pretended to try - I can only speak for myself) to listen.

So what's proper etiquette? Do I play the good host and let come what may? Do I lay down ground rules? I know that most people don't actively listen to music, nor appreciate the nuances of a good system, and usually don't care too much, either -- gearheads are gearheads, no matter the passion, and are appreciated only by other gearheads. Just as I remember, in retrospect, a few audiophiles when I was younger who obviously had good systems, but back then I neither knew nor cared about stuff like that, and so was much the same kind of person I'm complaining about now.

But how would you address that kind of behavior or reaction during a listening session?


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Showing 2 responses by marktomaras

I have had the same experience.  I think there is a fine line between politely asking the offending conversationalist to keep quiet and letting it be.  If you think they would appreciate it, perhaps try the former, if you think you will offend, perhaps lean to the latter.

I was having a full-on listening session with two friends, and one was glued to his phone the entire time.  While he was not making any noise, he certainly was not focusing on the music, nuances or otherwise, and I knew he was not getting out of the experience what my other friend and I were.  I suggested that he put the phone in the other room, sit back, close the eyes, and get lost in the music.  He protested at first, but he did this, and enjoyed it.

I often explain my hi-fi kit to the uninitiated as more than a fancy expensive stereo, but actually as high resolution equipment to recreate the reality of the recording, live or studio, to put the listener right there, in that room, to connect our ears to the musician's song.  This is obvious to anyone on audiogon, but explaining it this way kind of sets the scene that this is not the same as the ceiling speakers in the rest of the house that we can chat and play cards to.
Asp307, to my defense, the 2 friends were all about the intense listening session.  Having not been involved in one before, they were curious.  My friend with the phone was just not being a good little zen grasshopper, and I encouraged him that if he would not distract himself, he would enjoy it more.  He did!  But that is a specific situation.  I would not behave that way to anyone anytime.