This is no joke.

backwave diffusion thru the array?

As for sandbags, I made tripod weights (I'm a serious photogrpaher) out of 20 oz. coated (waterproof) pack cloth. It is available in colors to fit many decors, too.
I cut a strip and with the coated side OUT, I double / or triple stitch the 2 sides.
Than I turn it inside out....seams now IN and cloth side OUT. Fill to taste then fold/seam the open end. For my use, I add a rope handle. I care less about looking good in a room than weighing down my tripod legs.

Now you know what people in the high end sell. Hey, I have a ton of Christmas tree ornament holders that you can use to hang ornaments from. I use these to watch acoustic energy fly in the space. Improves the sound, I think. Maybe I should take a booth at RMAF.

Mickey,

I could add one woofer in that I have 1 dog.

nails won't work. He is a Jack Russell terrier and tends to bounce up and down a lot.

PETA is tracking you down as we speak I would fear!

I hope it's Pammy in person.....

I suspect you accidentally sat on one of them and it is the rearward anamorphic stimulation that has you so excited. Try wriggling your hips and see how it sounds.