@onehorsepony You are making yourself crazy; yet I get it. Saving for retirement, spending hard earned money, and being disappointed; it stinks. IMHO and older ears, I have found over the years both B&W and particularly Focal to be quite fatiguing. But that is me and obviously they are both very well respected companies. With regard to top end stress, I do not think there will be a huge difference relative to the experience of the highest frequencies of either brand.
I know as I have gotten older I am much more sensitive to certain recordings with some female vocals, piano, or even horns at times. Poorly mastered/engineered recordings can be really grating. And that can change from day to day.
Seems like you have to take a monetary hit or if if you have spent your limit, try some of the logical suggestion the members here have offered as ideas. If you are able to take a monetary hit, seems to be a different brand altogether may be in the cards. Do what is reasonable within your budget constraints. Try not to make yourself nuts.