Upgrade from B&W 802D1 to Focal Utopia Scala Evo

I feel for the OP here.  That's a substantial chunk of change to spend to be not happy.  I agree with those in here that say give it time, and also if you haven't treated your first reflections with absorption panels, that may be the biggest issue you're having.  All that harshness bouncing against the wall is no bueno.  After 400 hours of break in if you're still hating the harshness, try some acoustic paneling from GiK acoustics or build your own.  Just first reflections (side walls and if you can afford it / have the WAF covered, go for a cloud as well) will make a massive difference when it comes to harshness and intelligibility.  Dampening the room is not very costly at all either comparatively. 

Don't lose hope my dude!  And if after 400 hours and paneling isnt working, sell those babies and get some new B&Ws if you like their sound.  Otherwise I agree that you should audition many brands.  Rockport, Perlisten and Devore seem to get rave reviews constantly

Have you adjusted toe-in?  I have found your speakers are very sensitive to that - so much so that they sounded liked different speakers to my wife and I.  

@onehorsepony You are making yourself crazy; yet I get it.  Saving for retirement, spending hard earned money, and being disappointed; it stinks.  IMHO and older ears, I have found over the years both B&W and particularly Focal to be quite fatiguing.  But that is me and obviously they are both very well respected companies. With regard to top end stress, I do not think there will be a huge difference relative to the experience of the highest frequencies of either brand.

I know as I have gotten older I am much more sensitive to certain recordings with some female vocals, piano, or even horns at times.  Poorly mastered/engineered recordings can be really grating.  And that can change from day to day.

Seems like you have to take a monetary hit or if if you have spent your limit, try some of the logical suggestion the members here have offered as ideas. If you are able to take a monetary hit, seems to be a different brand altogether may be in the cards.  Do what is reasonable within your budget constraints. Try not to make yourself nuts.

Update: I have tried all my various interconnect, speaker, bi-wired, speaker tone-jumper combinations without any success.

I went back to the most bright/aggressive cables I have:

All Audioquest Water interconnects

Bi-Wire Audioquest Indigo speeaker cables

Treble -1db, and Bass +1 db

I'm finding that it is not as ear piercing bright as I first remembered it. In fact it is very listenable with good resolution.

Speakers just hit the 300 hour mark.

Is this the speakers breaking in? or is it my ears/brain finally going numb?

Probably both but mostly the later because people with experience with both can attest to Focal sounding more detailed and brighter.