Why not objectivist music reviews?

"Objectivist" equipment reviews are gaining in popularity, enabling audiophiles to rest easy knowing that their preferred piece of equipment with SINAD of
 98 is _objectively_ better than one with SINAD of 97.5

Why not do the same for music?

I propose the following criteria for guitarists as an example:

1. Notes per second (NPS)--since speed is valued as a sign of mastery in an instrument, why shouldn't someone who plays faster be considered better than a slower player? (Goodbye, David Gilmour!) 

2. Mistakes Per Minute (MPM) - - accuracy counts!! You could say it is equivalent to jitter or THD+N in equipment. (and goodbye, Jerry Garcia!!)

3. Length of Leads (LOL)--If you're so good, why are your solos so short? This is a no-brainer (later, guitarists before 1966!)

Put these together, and there is only one rational conclusion:

JOE BONAMASSA IS THE GREATEST GUITARIST OF ALL TIME

Thoughts?

WW