My love of music is killing me.


I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller

Showing 1 response by azaud

My God, I can't imagine the pain. Yours, not your son's. I can imagine your son's pain, and it must have been horrible. He must have sprung into the afterlife with glee!
But it's yours that I hope I'll never be able to fully comprehend; being a father myself.
Your pain and depression are surely necessary, and obviously understandable; but in the endeavor to live your life the way your son would want you to, you must be vigilant to keep the darkness from slipping into "clinical" depression. So a support group at least, OK?
Keep listening to music. He would surely want you to do that, and when you find yourself forgetting for a few moments as you get lost in your favorite passages, don't feel guilty. This is part of the process of healing too.
We'll all be together with our loved ones one day; but lets not rush things. I'm sure that as much as they look forward to seeing us, they're not in any hurry for that to happen either.