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How many audiophiles to screw in a light bulb?

This occured to me as an addendum to the current "Wacko" thread:

How many audiophiles does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to tell all the others that they should be using HIS light bulb, which blows away all the competition. Worth fifteen times the price he paid, the light caused him to deposit his jaw somewhere in the room where he first witnessed the light of this amazing bulb. He also requests if anyone should find his jaw that he would be grateful for its prompt return as he hasn't been able to eat any solid food ever since.

Three to argue about bulb's placement in the room for maximum light dispersion.

Six to insist that the bulb would render superior light if powered by the Phallic Serpent $2500 power cord.

Two to insist that light bulbs are old technology and introduce distortion into the spectrum of light.

Four to declare that a light bulb is no substitute for "real" light, and to greater appreciate the light the bulb provides one must also go out and absorb as much "real" light as possible.

Three to ask why there are so many used light bulbs on the market.

Two to suggest a power regenerator may stabilize the bulb's output and provide for greater enjoyment of the light eminating from it.

Twelve to argue the chain of hierarchy in delivery of the optimum output of light from the bulb.

One to design a custom stabilizing harness for the bulb, fabricated from polished steel and burled Bubinga wood to assure the bulb will be held in place and be immune to all vibrations.... in great style. Filled with lead shot, of course.

Four to suggest doing several A/B/A comparisons of different bulbs before deciding upon one.

Six to quote the recent bulb shootout in The Absolute Light that declared that Home Depot bulbs are every bit as good as NOS GE bulbs.

Three to decry that it's all snake oil, and point out that the rest of the bunch are all whackos and the world is coming to an end anyway.

OK, I'm sure some of you can come up with a few more....

Marco

jax2

Showing 5 responses by jax2

jax2 OP
3,031 posts
 
Just a few more that came to me after the fact:

Seven to suggest getting the bulb upgraded to "reference level" by a gentleman in southern Kansas who used to work for the bulb factory.

Four to suggest swapping out the socket for a hospital grade socket. Cryoed of course.

Six to suggest the newest bulb convention offered in limited editions which can only be screwed in to proprietary sockets.

Sixteen to declare that the Chinese made bulbs are every bit as good as the European and American bulbs.

Twelve newbees to insist they've never seen anything like the DK Designs light bulb, especially when powered by the Cyberlight cords!

Three to ask Sean what he thinks of this whole bulb screwing-in thing.

Six to check out what bulb Albert Porter is using.

One hundred and four to discuss what kind of car they own, and what other hobbies they enjoy besides bulb-insertion.

Two to point out that bulbs are off-topic for audiophiles.

Four to decry the outrageous profits being reaped by the light bulb executives.

Three to write independent reviews of the light bulb being screwed in.

They just keep coming to me!

Marco
jax2 OP
3,031 posts
 
Twelve to point out that the bulb in question is too small for the room it is in
and a more powerful bulb should be used.

Six to suggest an external crossover linking the bulb to additional bulbs
providing a broader coverage of light.

Two to insist that a simpler circuit is superior, and that the single bulb is the
more pure solution and does greater justice to the truest expression of light.

One to build their own DIY light bulb.

Seventeen to suggest various tweaks to improve the performance of the light
bulb.

Nine to suggest using a battery power-source for a more stable expression of
light.

Two to insist that no one has improved upon the tried and true candle as a
light source.

Seven to suggest various room treatments to enhance the dispersion of the
light in the room.

Three to replace the light switch with a Swiss-made rheostat.

Fourteen to suggest a dedicated circuit with an isolated ground would
improve the bulb's performance.

Three to ask if the bulb is appropriate for Home Theater use.

Six to ask why, when they put their ears directly on the bulb, they hear a
humming noise, and what can they do to get rid of it.
jax2 OP
3,031 posts
 
Four to state they are suffering from fatigue after prolonged exposure to their
bulbs.

Sixty four to establish and proliferate an entirely new vocabulary to describe
the various attributes of light bulbs and the light they produce.

Sixteen to wax rhetorical on the one bulb they should never have sold back in
the mid 80's.

One to shamelessly plug the bulb they currently have for sale, and explain the
various reasons they are selling it even though it is the finest bulb they've
ever owned.

Three to check with their wives to make sure the bulb in question is
acceptable for their homes.
jax2 OP
3,031 posts
 
Four to declare with great certainty that the very finest bulbs ever were produced for military purposes between 1956 and 1961 in a small factory in Belgrade, and that viewing the light from these bulbs is sure to transport you directly to Nirvana on a non-stop flight in a first-class seat with Angelina Jolie sitting beside you! Three of the four happen to have a stash of the Serbian wonder bulbs, a few of which they may let go for the right price.

Six would never even install the bulb as they will have already upgraded to a superior bulb in the time the bulb was in transit to them. Those bulbs could be seen for sale on Bulbogon with a "10/10" rating (still in the sealed box).
jax2 OP
3,031 posts
 
Holy luminance, I've created a monster! LMAO folks! Great to see so many sharing their sense of humor about themselves and their passion in one thread. Thanks for the grins! I hope this thread remains a great cornerstone of reference for all newbies to the hobby. If they're smart they'll take up knitting instead, once they've read the contributions here!

Marco
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