About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone

Hey Pat,
You know how I feel about your current situation so I won’t dwell on that. I will say however, that you and your family are in my prayers.

I am also looking to get a new pre and the TAD and Mini Max are at the top of my list. I am leaning towards the Mini Max at this point. I went into Jacksonville last weekend to the House of Stereo. He has the Easter Electric stuff in his shop, man that was a surprise. I asked him his opinion of the pre because he has a lot more experience with tube preamps than I. He said it is as good as any $5000 pre he has herd.
I was also going to order the anti-cables because I am using some silver-plate cables that maybe adding a little sheen to my system. Seems like we are on the same page.
Let us know how your new gear works out.
May the LOVE of our lord Jesus be with you always.
your friend
Ron

Ron,

The Eastern Electric was on my short list but due to my need of a good phono stage and to keep the overall cost down the TAD won out. I'll post however this works in my system. Every time I think about the anti-cables I get a smile on my face. I hope they work for you. But, even if they don't it's a really inexpensive experiment. Maybe my buddy Steve will post his views on them here. Our audio club meeting is at his house this evening and he has been playing with the wire I left with him.

The last several posts (other than mine) have touched on stuff that's near and dear to my heart but didn't come up in an honest fashion until now. Howard (Aggielaw), expresses surprise at a lack of bitterness about not being diagnosed sooner. Believe me when I say that the lack of bitterness is not because I'm some amazing character. It's just that I don't have time for it. Maybe I would be bitter if I had some time to burn but I don't. Long time acquaintences know that in cases like this I would normally just get angry, express it directly and move on. When I was very young this would often lead to a physical confrontation that I could not lose in order to make my point. Thankfully, I figured out that winning like that just doesn't prove anything other than I could beat the offender up. Somewhere, some time, I connected the dots and determined that I could use my anger to achieve something good if lucky. I learned how to never raise my voice and remain focused on the offense, express myself and move on. I try to use my anger in a way that makes the offender look in a mirror and see clearly their flaws. Sometimes it works. It doesn't matter now because I'm very limited physically, but trust me on this, I'm glad that when I was young I learned to fight well. Situations have come up during my life where things could have degenerated to physical confrontation but didn't because of my inner confidence. This is kind of a rambling I'm going through now and I hope you guys can wade through it. To an extent, it's the steroids talking. My mind goes faster than my ability to control it. Anyway, in closing this thought, all of this bitterness, anger and such is really controlled by forseeing regret on my part. Every confrontation I've had was followed by regret no matter how right I was. I hate that feeling so allowing it to guide me makes me choose my fights carefully. (At this time I worry that I'm expressing myself at a frequency that you guys can't follow. Sorry if I'm not the normal writer you are used to)

Jadem6 covered the way we are to relate to one another which has been a recurring theme in this thread. It's worthy of repeating here and throughout our lives. Maybe we should all begin our morning with a chant of some sort..."I will be nice". Immature folks will dismiss it out of hand and a lot of us will easily forget it with the passage of time. We need to have this be the driving force in our lives but still be able to call upon rightous anger when needed.

Rockinroni was the last to express it but many others have said the same thing over and over here. You continue to pray for me and my family. Well, my family and I pray for you all too. My beliefs are traditional Christian but I know that there are a lot of readers here that aren't a part of this belief system. Many have expressed as much but still offer prayers in their own way. So, let me sidetrack you for a moment. If you've followed this thread from the beginning I and others have stated that most of what happens to us isn't by accident. Well, I've struggled with the music of John Coltraine for a long time. Just before my surgery I was given a book about the making of his album "A Love Supreme". I'm about halfway through it now and reading it is also no accident. The message to me has significance at this time and I'd like to share it. John had evolved to a place where he embraced every religion and felt strongly that the recurring theme of all the worlds religions said the same thing, just love. It's obvious that he wanted to glorify God and the only thing he could do was make music as close to perfection as he could and that is what he did with "A Love Supreme". Apparently this ablum has touched something deep inside many people and it goes beyond the notes. Man, I must have twenty Coltraine albums but I don't have this one. I want to hear it real bad too but haven't found a copy to put on the turntable. Now, back to my point. Like John Coltraine, I embrace whatever each of you believe in. That's not to say that I wouldn't wish to convert you to what I think I know. It's just that if you have belief in something greater than the slime we are supposed to have crawled out of you are on your way and it honors my God that you are walking a path toward an end. All of you, no matter what, pray. I don't know how but it makes a difference. (Another concern that I'm operating at an impossible frequency for you to follow) Please play the Twilight Zone intro...

I have gotten a lot of emails, phone calls and personal visits since this thread began. The volume is pretty large and I really enjoy it. Cello called yesterday. His calls always make me feel so good. He and his family have gotten something out of this "novel in progress", as Jeff1 so aptly put it, and this pleases me to no end. I will deny to the end that I'm brave or special or whatever though. I am what I am which is terribly flawed and I appreciate you guys overlooking my flaws in this time of need. You all have served me well. A non-posting member named Paul that I met for the first time in Miami at the "gathering" sent me an email that really showed bravery. He spoke at length about my need to confront how I want to die and convey my wishes to those in my charge. That took balls and it came from one of the gentlest people I've ever met. He described events surrounding his fathers death and layed the options I have before me. This email was no accident either. I do not have a crystal ball, and forgive now if my suspicion proves wrong later on, but I'm beginning to think that the Taxol will fail sooner than I hoped. Things are going on with my body, none of which are horrible, after just one treatment that if they get worse will make stopping this treatment necessary. That point is where my character will be tested and that is why it was no accident that Paul wrote me about end of life choices.

Paul Frumkin has invited me to visit him late this month and attend an awards dinner where AIVS is being presented a product award by Stereo Times. I'd love to go for a number of reasons. I've never been to NYC and would love to see the faces of audio people I've only read about. Mainly I'd love to see Paul again and meet his sweet wife. He was the first to reach out to me and has proven as reliable as the sun rising each morning. Airline tickets are cheap and I could book a flight gambling on feeling well enough to attend. Yesterday proved to my satisfaction that I just don't have enough vitality to even consider it. That hurts. Sitting here and doing the little things I do around the house I feel good enough to do it. Doing anything else outside of this easy pace proves I cannot. Tonight is our monthly club meeting and in order to attend I'll need to take all day to get my body ready. Barb will be going with me because we both recognize that I may need her to get home. If that's what I must do to travel twenty miles it's obvious I can't save up enough of myself to do the flying thing back east. It would just be too long a day. Paul, I'm really sorry.

I've got to ask you guys for a couple of favors. Before doing so I again want to express my gratitude to Audiogon for allowing this thread to continue. Thanks. Okay, so at some point I'll be outta here. Maybe I'll write something meaningful and my family will post it here or maybe one of you that is in personal contact with me will post to inform everyone what has happened. I'm sure that there will be additional posts that I will not be able to read. Audiogon, please let it stay up until it's done. What I'm hoping is that someone will figure out a way to print this thread in its entireity and give it to Barb in a nice keepsake package. The other favor is harder to ask. We guys are like those lions in the jungle. We hang around together and bond in large numbers letting the women worry about so much of the details in life. I've got a huge support group. My wife has spent her life focusing on me and our little family. I know that when I'm gone my friends will reach out to her. The problem is that there will be an expiration date with it. I cannot rely on her family to pick up where friends leave off. It's not that they are bad people. Far from it. They are just not as deep at this point in time as my wife will need in the long run. If some of you write down the following contact information and put it somewhere where it's in front of your face every day then maybe you'll be compelled periodically to write or call. If you have a certain expertise that may be of benefit for her please push and offer some small kind of help. You know, the things you figure I handled and she has no experience in. Just good, solid advice on simple things may make a huge difference. I feel uncomfortable asking this but now that I've done it, I can live with that. You may contact her at Barb Malone, 307 W. Sherman Ave., Nampa, Idaho 83686, (208) 467-3540. Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

Jeff1, I'm impressed that you visualized me the way I actually look, or rather looked. Geez, I look pretty unfamiliar to myself now. LOL. Also, thanks for the babe compliment about Barb. She is a class woman and has been since the moment I met her. When young she was a total knockout and every head turned to look at her. Everybody that got to know her loved her sweet and kind disposition. She has always made me feel secure in our relationship no matter what. She has aged like a fine wine and to me will be beautiful no matter how old she becomes. I hope some really nice, deserving guy wins her heart someday. She's good people.

Thanks for reading this long, rambling post and enduring the discomfort I know it brings. I feel better for having said it and now I'll be able to just focus on smaller things and happier things like the new cartridge and preamp. Thanks to you all for keeping this thread alive. I'm sure you know how much it's meant to me.

Pat,
I have been following this thread since its inception. It is the most gut-wrenching , enlightening and real piece of literature I've ever read. Your dilemma has caused us all to re-evaluate our lives, in some cases to appreciate what we have, or in my case to try to be more Lugnut-like. The courage you have shown is inspiring, but the love and concern it has brought back is truly miraculous. Don't worry about the meds affecting your writing skills. IMHO this was your most eloquent post to date. In so many ways yours has been a life so well lived. The feelings you've brought out in us all is in itself a great legacy. I realize what you are doing in this thread and am grateful you've had the stamina and courage to do it. "Thanks to you all for keeping this thread alive. I'm sure you know how much it's meant to me." No Lugnut, Thank you.

Pat,

Glad to hear you remain in good spirits despite the setback. You give us all a lot to think about.

I just bought the Coltrane album off ebay for you. It should be here in a couple of days, and I'll get it out to you ASAP. It's new, SS, but I think I need to give it one listen before it goes out. The message seems to strong to ignore.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Barb.

Joe

A few years ago my best friend was diagnosed with Cancer.
I was with him during most all his chemo treatments and spent what was to be his last night with us at the hospital at his side. Sometime during the night I awoke and he was sitting patiently waiting for me to wake up he mumbled something I couldnt hear, when I got closer he was saying to me "who thought it would come to this"?
I didn't know what to say.
The next day he passed in my arms.
Shortly after my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
During her hospital stay one day near the end I decided to smuggle up some beer and get all her relatives and loved ones around, we had a grand old time. She said something about how she would have to start working hard if she wanted to get out of there.
I didnt know what to say.
The next night was unusually uneventful and I left in the morning to go home for a bit. She passed away minutes after I left. I know she held on long enough so I wasnt there when it happened. Thats mom's always looking out for you.

Patrick you have made me realize that maybe it wasn't important what I said but simply that they knew I loved them.
I still dont know what to say.
But I will say that you are loved and thats the greatest gift of all.
One small thing I can do is to light a candle every time I listen to music for my friends Patrick and JD to let you know you are loved.
After all in the end all we have is each other.

bin