You're selling that? But you just got it

This post is for all you guys that have a SO or wife that sometimes gives you a hard time about the audio addiction. Wives rarely understand this hobby and often object to the expense. It doesn't help that for some reason woman are generally less into music and almost never excited by shiny electronics. So I thought I'd share what worked for me.

My wife was on board with the initial equipment I purchased several years ago when I first got back into hifi after a long break, but she definately was perplexed by any box switching after that and objected to the money spent.

At one point I had a little talk with her and her objections were permanently silenced. The problem was, she just did not understand the hobby. She was under the impression that the hobby was entirely about listening to music. Once you purchased a nice system, you just bought music and enjoyed. While buying and listening to music is also a hobby and also one I enjoy very much, the pursuit of hifi is a different hobby. That's what she did not understand. Once I explained to her that experimenting with different components and various tweaks was all part of the hobby that is the pursuit of hifi perfection, she understood what I was doing. It made sense to her and she stopped objecting. The box swapping IS the hobby. That's what the hobby is! Changing things up in a never ending pursuit to improve the sound quality. The wives and girlfriends just do not understand this unless you explain it to them. It also helps if you explain how you buy and sell used equipment with minimal financial loss. And if you compare the expense (and time spent) to friends that are into golf, lol. You're at home, golfers are never home.

BTW, I'm not talking about crazy box swappers that never even let the dust settle on a piece of equipment. There is no defense for that.
The only way for wives and girl friends to relate to our 'stuff' is easy, if they are into shoes, shoes and more shoes. Hopefully she has a closet full of shoes, to which you will always point to with the question of 'why do you need another pair, especially if they cost $300 plus?' Yes men, female obsession with shoes will give you all the cover you need to buy the next 'box', but watch out, she will quickly add a few additional pair's once you bring up this issue. There are a couple of good books are this 'fetish', so be prepared to counter all her arguments.
"The wives and girlfriends just do not understand this unless you explain it to them. It also helps if you explain how you buy and sell used equipment with minimal financial loss."

The easist way to impress a women is to tell her "how much you saved"

Women key in on saving and discounts as they do their comparative shopping before pulling the trigger

Never tell her what you spent ... tell her what you saved ... she'll be more impressed

Hi honey I just bought this turn table for $10000 ... or

Hi honey I just saved $5000 on this turn table ... now she's impressed because the $5000 you saved will buy her a lot of shoes

"watch out, she will quickly add a few additional pair's once you bring up this issue."

There is an easy way to counter this action

Just adopt a policy similar to Nuclear Disarmament ... for every pair of shoes she buys ... she must throw two pairs out

Jewelry is also a great equalizer ... I just bought my wife a Mood Ring ... works really well ... when she is in a good mood it glow bright green ... and when she is in a Bad mood it leaves a Red mark in the middle of my Freak'en forehead

HTH Dave

Hi honey I just saved $5000 on this turn table ... now she's impressed because the $5000 you saved will buy her a lot of shoes
Davehrab (Threads | Answers | This Thread)

No way Dave. Sorry, but your idea doesn't work for me. If the savings on a turntable is $5000 and you tell the wife, then this informs her that the turntable is really very expensive! A wife's first thought will be "if he saved $5000 on a turntable, then my goodness!, how much did it cost in the first place!" If a wife has no idea just how expensive high end gear costs, by talking about the savings, you have just clued her in. My wife does not ask me how much I spend on gear, never has, and I don't tell her how much I spend. I'm sure she assumes that the gear isn't cheap, but she would I'm sure be shocked at the cost of high end gear. She would probably think I lost my mind long ago. And my wife is not all into shoes like some.
What if she is the one into this hobby? Would she trade shoes for a gear? (are you there Elizabeth?)
Very funny, Dave, I got quite a chuckle out of your misery {smile]...

RW ... that's only half the story

My wife reminded me it was our 32 wedding anniversary and demanded something that was shinny and would go from 0 to 150 in 4 seconds

So I bought her a bathroom scale and that's how I found out how the mood ring worked

You sure do know how to live dangerously... but I like your style.

Frank :)
My wife is the smartest audiophile wife on the planet (OK, so maybe she's just a hell of a lot smarter than me which clearly doesn't take much). When we started dating, I made sure to fully inform her about my "hobby" and its insanity. I wanted her to know, right up front, that this was part of who I am and that, if she didn't like it, now was the time to get out as I wouldn't give up the hobby once I got married (she needed to know that when I said "I do" that it meant "I do upgrade my stereo when I get the urge.")

So, we end up getting married and, about six months afterward, a manufacturer/distributor offers me a pair of $100,000 speakers for about 60% off (they were custom made for the manufacturer's best friend who needed the money). That was still a huge chunk of change -- even after selling my then current speakers ($45,000 retail from the same company).

So, my wife (who had sold her home after we got married) insisted that I could not pass up this offer or I'd regret it for life. She then tells me to take $25,000 of the $35,000 profit from the sale of the home (pre-subprime mess) and buy the speakers.

Now, 8 years later, I realize that she was sly like a fox. With that amazing gesture/gift (which I "reluctantly" accepted and purchased the speakers), she knew I'd never come back asking for anything more. She got it all out of the way up front. Damn her.

Should I divorce her for manipulating me so?
"Should I divorce her for manipulating me so?" - If you do, I'll take her. I love to be manipulated like that.

Friend of mine has speakers covered all the time by ornamental blankets because, according to his wife, they are not esthetically pleasing. On the upside he never has bright or edgy sound.

There are times when I want to buy something really expensive but then I think about my friend and feel much better instantly.
Wife?!?! If it floats, flys, or f*cks, isn't it a life cardinal rule that you should LEASE it? ;-)
I always work under the assumption that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission with the impossible-to-hide stuff; and I try to use "stealth" funds as much as possible to buy tubes, cabling and cartridges, which she never notices.
You're right, I am at home; and we spend quality time together when I'm flipping the album over.
Take her and her favorite CD or LP to a high end store and ask to have it played on a $50,000 system. Once she hears what top tier components can do she will gain respect for your audiophile habits.
My wife has heard the super high end equipment I lust for...Mcintosh, Wilson,Maggies,Revel etc while visiting the inlaws in DE...Overture is just down the street. Her take though is "just buy it, spend it once and youre never have to spend the money again". So its not the initial expense...she too loves the sound. Its the idea of "trading up constantly" that gets her. 20+ Years and i have never been able to get her past the initial buy...the upgrade concept is the hump.
Thanks gents. This is much needed.

the OP post really makes me laugh. i love it! and for peoples with a similar state of mind to the op, i'd add that instead of talking down to another human being...its much easier just to explain to the wife/girl/husband that all you are really "using this hobby" for is as an excuse to get the hell away from them...that's why there's only one chair in the listening room honey! laughs will ensuing for sure!

once they understand your true motivation...they'll be sure to leave you alone, hopefully for good! eveybody wins!

Its much more primal than that. I tell the Mrs., "would you rather me cheat on my new amp, or cheat on you?"

I could be at the bar or nightclub looking at different women or on audiogon looking at different gear - you decide.
"I could be at the bar or nightclub looking at different women or on audiogon looking at different gear - you decide."

That would be blackmail and extortion.
A joke...................(no offence ladies),

Six reasons why men prefer guns to women;

1- you can trade your old 45 for a 22,
2- you can admire a friends gun and he'll let you try it,
3-your gun stays with you even if you run out of ammo,
4-guns function normally everyday,
5-a gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it,


6- you can buy a silencer for a gun.
When we first started dating, I told my wife about my hobby. I put it as everyone has something 'stupid' they spend way too much on. Bikes, cars, boats, etc for guys; shoes, pocketbooks, jewelry, etc. for women. As long as you're spending disposable income/within your means, buy what makes you happy.

I'll never buy a pair of speakers before paying the electric bill, and she'll never buy a Coach bag before buying groceries.

It's worked for 8+ years. Never a single argument. I know how much her stuff costs, and she knows how much mine costs. We've never looked down at each other's spending habits Never had a need to hide the truth. If I bought something beyond our means, she'd call me out (rightfully), and I'd do the same.
Sorry -

Never a single argument about SPENDING HABITS in 8+ years. We've had a few disagreements about other things though!