I have found that mine is less annoyed by my audio addiction if I am less annoyed by her jewelry, shoes, clothes, and other frivolous spending.
+1. My wife can hardly complain about my audio expenses considering her frivolous spending.
@stanwal , sorry buddy. However, keep your chin up.
Many have been through this, and have come away happier in the long haul.
Is there hope for reconciliation? Get rid of some gear, fast! It's never worth losing someone you love over stuff! Get your wife back and LOSE the unnecessary old gear! Adapt, man! If you were a hoarder it eats at the spouse like a cancer. Show you have some balls and can change to show how much she means to you! Instead of grousing here, get to it! :)
This is not an attempt at a "smart remark", just one that might bring a good change for you.
It is an understatement to say that with women, things are not always as they seem. The equipment thing may just be something she can hang her hat on and go for a weak spot.
I would never have spent the small fortune on equipment were my wife still alive, but it's not a good substitute. Having said that, any future love interests will have to abide the habit.
I am really sorry to read about the problems some of you have with your wives. It must be awful.
My wife knew what she was getting into. When we were still dating, I bought an Infinity RS 2.5 system (with the outboard x-over), then a new Nakamichi cassette deck, then I upgraded my tuner to a Mac MR-80. When we were shopping for a house, I nixed several because they wouldn't accommodate my system well. We've always enjoyed much of the same music, too, so my little audiophile hobby has never really been an issue.
My first wife was a singer-songwriter, and turned me on to Bill and Billie.
My second (and current) wife loves listening to music, so our living room is the main music room. But she's also an architect and designer, so we had to get speakers that are "wife friendly" (a term that makes her giggle).
Thankfully, DeVore Fidelity Gibbon 88s are wife friendly.
Dave, who notes that John DeVore thinks his speakers should fit into living spaces and not necessarily man-caves
Women will test you,they are hard-wired to both run you and have contempt
for you if they can do so.
So, you must put down the law at first attempt, some will go, some will stay.
NEVER run after a woman.
A Harvard biology prof told me its an evolutionary thing, women are hard-wired to make sure you're the "bad-boy" who can fend off the sabre-tooth tiger and bring home the meat for her kids .
My wife could not tell the difference in sound between a six transistor radio and my gear. Until recently, when after experimenting with five or six SUTs at $350 to $1000, I found one for $190 that actually works well and now she gets it.
That said, I've never had too much of a problem, even with 9 cubic ft speaker floor standing cabinets, because she looooooves to dance (her ex was the Latin DJ for the old Studio 54), and the system puts out the volume needed for killer dance parties.
I just have to keep the area with the gear and the LPs organized and C L E A N. It has to be dust-free anyway, so ...
stanwal and colleagues --
I enjoy and learn from the audio blogs, but seldom post. However, your earnest revelation of being kicked out of the house and recurrent blog posts about cohabitation problems induced by audio products leads me to offer the following lessons learned.
At the risk of sounding preachy, I offer the following advice as a man married to the same woman for over 46 years. Regarding purchases, full prior mutual disclosure is the best policy. Over the years, my passion for vintage baseball cards, music recordings, and audio equipment has been a source of pleasure and guilt. I rationalized my covert spending splendidly, on the premise that I was entitled. I also kept a mental inventory of her (ahem!) frivolous purchases. I stashed cash and acquired cashier's checks, and orchestrated shipment deliveries, so my wife (who has always managed our joint accounts) "wouldn't know".
Well, guess what? As a person of intellect and high sensory capability, she knew. About 20 years ago, as we began to seriously plan our future "life priorities" bucket list that included activities, items, and finances as a couple, we came to the realization that it was stupid to conceal, mask, or confess after-the-fact purchases. Since then, we talk to each other before making major purchases. Admittedly, I don't necessarily understand why she needs more jewelry, high-end hand bags (which I mistakenly call purses), or clothes. But then, she doesn't truly comprehend why I need a new amplifier, speaker, headphone, or set of cables. And the truth is it doesn't make much sense to belabor the merits of these material items. Invariably the conversation ends with "Go for it!", "Let's hold off on it!", or "Is this more important than [fill in the blank]?"
In the end, mutual full disclosure -- in advance -- seems like the "adult" thing to. Plus, I can truly enjoy my new Golden Ear Triton One loudspeakers when they are drop shipped on my front porch. I still have to carry the 85 pounders by myself up a flight of 15 stairs to my music listening and memorabilia room, but I don't wrestle with guilt or a loss of trust, or have to spend energy concocting why these two humungous boxes on pallets are blocking our front door. Peace!
My wife has bad hearing. We are both senior citizens. She wears hearing aids during the day but takes them out when she is home. She can enjoy tv with wireless headphones, where she adjusts the volume so it can be loud enough for her and I can listen to the speakers, because I enjoy the ambiance and sound stage that you can not get from headphones. I have good MK speakers and a Yamaha receiver but I wanted better sound and I wanted to be able to talk to her during shows. We have to stop the DVR recording so she can turn off the headphones, we make our comments, and she has to restart headphones to continue the show. A pain in the a--.
Martin Logan came out with the new Masterpiece series electrostatic speakers last year. I had heard the Sequel electrostatic speakers in the late 1980’s and I was in awe with the clarity, speed, range and feeling I got from these speakers. I literally had goose bumps. The price for the speakers and necessary amps was way out of my league. I never forgot about them but I knew I could never afford them.
I started to take my wife to various headphone audio shows with me to see if I could improve our tv experience together and her enjoyment of hearing. We also listened to whatever speaker systems were available, but nothing really improved her experience. We went to one local Best Buy and found, back in the corner, a Magnolia audio shop. We looked at the tv’s and I walked into the audio area, just to see what they had. Our lives were changed. I saw these tall wire frame objects that looked like the electrostatic speakers of my younger years. I asked a salesman what they were. Martin Logan Expression ESL 13a, $14995 per pair. It was set up for 2 channel listening. With trembling anticipation, I asked to hear them. He put on an album and the goose bumps returned. It was as good as I remembered. Even though it was actually much better, my memory had evolved to be better than I probably heard. I called my wife into the room. She could see the excitement on my face, so she was not sure what to expect. She walked into the room and she froze. Even with her hearing aids on, she heard things she had not heard for decades. She heard the clarity, sharpness, and detail that the average person hears every day but those of us who no longer have that ability can only remember.
We compared the Martin Logans with the B & W 800 series diamonds that were also there and there was no comparison. The ML electrostatic speakers were in a different league. Most importantly my hard of hearing wife could easily tell the difference, something she could not do before. I gave them my credit card that day for the electrostats.
I have since purchased 2 pass lab amps, 1 emotiva 5 channel amp, a Martin Logan Focus center channel (just became available and a fabulous center). We now watch tv and movies in the evenings with no hearing aids for my wife. She gets to enjoy most of the fulness of audio that she has been missing for years.
My wife LOVES my expensive audio spending!!!! It has made our evenings together much more enjoyable. Thank you Martin Logan, Pass Labs and Emotiva.
I think if it were me I would be trying to figure out if she bailed cuz the gear or because of some other reason. If it's truly the hi-fi, then I would ditch the gear in furtherence of a relationship with a loved one. Get the relationship on stronger ground and regroup and try and slowly reintroduce hi-fi at a later time. On the other hand if she was going to leave irregardless of the hi-fi, and the hi-fi was just the scape goat, then I wouldn't get rid of it. Because it ultimately won't change anything. Only you can make that determination.
My uncle brought me into this crazy addiction, as he puts it's a disease. But a manageable one. He always said, "We aren't into drugs, we don't gamble, we don't chase women, we aren't into drinking and raising hell, but the one little vice is we are into hi-fi". It keeps life interesting...
Firstonetallguy -- I was touched by your post, both as a man who also adores his wife and is genuinely interested/invested in her well being and happiness, and as an individual with acquired hearing loss ( after the purchase of a 30k 2 channel system). Thankfully my wife puts up with my hifi addiction ( she half-jokingly refers to her "stereo crackhead" husband when explaining our living room design motif to first time visitors of our home), and my significant hearing loss only involves one ear.
I would add that, in my pursuit of great sound and the audio equipment that would deliver it, I was mindful of not only the WAF factor, but my own aesthetic sensibilities. As Mr Schroeder pointed out above, a wife doesn't want a garage for a living room -- and I don't either. So I went with a Focal 2 way stand mount rather than Maggie's
The love of my life for some 43 years has been most understanding of my Audio Indulgences. Over the years, she has worked with me patiently to arrange living spaces to accommodate the best sound and maintain livable aesthetics. We now have a 15 ft. wall of drapes on a wall with no windows, behind the Maggies, but she made them look good and it serves the need for dampening some unwanted reflections, so - win/win. We have the video room set up just off the kitchen which works well for her and the audio room is in the living room in another section of the house, which works well for me and we don't mind sharing each others space. A little patience and working together can make things work.
If you sense trouble is brewing.....play her ....her three favorite songs on the main rig. Music has power over everything.
If you don't know her three favorite songs ......then you deserve everything that is coming to you.
With that I owe a lot of thanks to the Big Chill Soundtrack.
I'm lucky. Spouse likes my 'hobby', and enjoys the music it can reproduce. She has her tropical fish indoors and plants outdoors, which I enjoy. We don't spend a fortune on either, as a general rule. We find other things to argue about that are ultimately more important, most of which have nothing to do with our relationship.
I'll keep her over any piece of equipment....one piece of Audio Nirvana Achieved. ;)