Wife Acceptance Factor

I hear alot about Wife Acceptance Factor when it comes to equipment. I'm getting married in 6 months. Fortunately, my fiance is pretty accepting of the hobby. Just curious about all those guys out there who have a family and are still allowed to invest their spending money almost entirely on audio equipment. After you get married, do most women step in and try to squash spending on this hobby? Opinions welcome!!!
As long as you make enough money, it shouldn't be a problem. Now, "enough" varies woman by woman.... Good luck. One thing for sure I have realized is that there is something far more important in life than audio.
Some pre-emptive spending might be wise. Especially, if space or aesthetics are a factor for her.
A friend of mine has an interesting solution. He is free to buy whatever he wants, as long as his hobby is self-supporting. He buys and sells antique radios, as well as hi-fi gear. So, but a lot of expensive gear now, so you have some trade bait after she puts her foot down. Invest wisely and have fun!
Look! Get real! Ok?

It’s either tube rings or wedding rings.

You still have time to think about it.

Fire as an old married man (27 yrs) WAF is part joke and part reality. It is a joke in that women often don't understand how sound is more important than looks or how the thing is in space. Now if you will have a dedicated listening room, then no problem. But if your system has to share communal living space then the speakers you buy better not be too big. Another thing is that my dear wife like many others when seeing a pair of speakers properly out into the room, you will get a look and a line like, "they're not staying there, are they"? They are also not tolerant of wires on the floor either or big amps between the speakers.

The money thing only comes up if your champagne ears don't match your beer budget and you have practicalities such as children to worry about.
Its Moonlight and pretzels the first year and then downhill the rest of the way. Spend Spend Spend NOW.
If she gets antsy tell her what sort of stuff other men get into. Let's see... first there are the golfers. Gone at the crack of dawn every Saturday & Sunday and back in time for dinner, leaving her to do all the chores and look after the kids... Then there are the drinkers. And how about the amateur stock car racers? And how could we forget the outdoor fanatics who disappear on two week fishing trips with their buddies a 2 or 3 times a year? Skirt chasers? Survivalists? Print up a list and put it up on the wall over your horn speakers!
My fiance was more accepting of my hobby than my wife is.
Get everything you dream of right now.
If it urks her now, and she forces you to choose between the stereo or her, obviously take the stereo, and chalk it up to lessons learned inexpensively.
Once you 'buy' (re: marry) her, it gets MUCH more expensive to have these differences. They know that, and take full advantage.
Ask her if she is willin to give jewerlry
Funny thing at home last night. Had a discussion (I did not initiate this!) about some new jewelry that my wife just bought that day. The conversation was going well about how her new earrings would look with her new necklace and, for some reason, she said that I was not, in essence, enthusiastic enough. Groan. Well, says I, I really do appreciate the jewelry as I understand YOUR happiness and enthusiasm about what you like, just like I do with my audio. Well, that extracted one of those silent moments (felt like a week) with a look. “You aren’t really comparing your audio stuff to my jewelry, are you?”
It kind of went downhill from there. You know what I mean.
I'm blessed to have a wife who is not only accepting of my hobby, but sometimes actually encourages it. One night after putting in some very expensive ICs to demo, she listened and said "you can't take those back!" She's also "given" me what was a more formal, and sizeable, living room to dedicate to audio, including panels, traps etc. The only thing she inisists on is that I don't make her do critical listening or A/B testing with new gear. She wants to listen to music, not gear.

On the other hand, I try and seek her input on what she would like to see. She insisted that my last two sets of speakers be done in real rosewood and that my rack be relatively nice to look at. No problem, I like good looking gear too. Since she also likes to listen several times a week, I'm buying new furniture for the room that pleases her.

My advice is to make certain her basic needs are well taken care of first, and then try and engage her in the music end of the hobby. Find out what she really likes to listen to and build a catalog for her. Oh, and get a listening chair that's big enough for the two of you to snuggle up in. It's one of the best tweaks I know for enhancing the musical experience.
There are 3 Rings in Marriage. The engagement Ring, The wedding Ring, and the Suffering.

Good advice given above and make sure your house has a room for a dedicated listening room..Good luck.

Trust me I work in the business the WAF is very real.
I don't know how many nu*less guys I have run across.
It is funny how they let ther wifes run there lives,
they tell me they want hi end sound but only can have bose size speakers then I laugh & tell the it will never happen.
The I have to explain to them why you can't get good sound through small speakers. (I must deprogram them from the bose commercials)I don't understand why they just don't tell there wifes to shut it, it's my money, & I will buy what I want!
Seems to be the other way around. Sometimes though you get that wonderfull wife who likes the stuff & encourages them to buy what they want. I told my girlfrined that this is my hobby I will always do it & if you don't like it then either deal with it or leave because it was here before you & it will be here after you. IMHO
(I know, im not married so I have no idea what it's like, & I should just wait till im married then ill give in) NOT!!
Try this: a friend went home and plunked down the Harley Davidson catalog with some super chromed and piped motorbike and announced to his wife "I'm having a mid-life crisis.....it's the Harley or another woman.....CHOOSE."

In the fairness of full disclosure, they bought a SUV and there was no other woman. The Harley is parked on my friend's office wall where it can be still seen today.

Got the point?
This stufff with WAF is stupid, it should be sorted out before you marry.
As stated above, if you have the $$ to cover the bills or whatever, so be it.

How about something like a HAF ??
I agree that the whole WAF thing should be sorted out before you're married. Both parties should be totally honest with each other, and the audiophile in the relationship should be totally honest about how much he/she invests in the hobby and how important it is to him/her. If the other party finds it unacceptable, then, well, things will only get worse with marriage, IMO. Fortunately for me, my wife is totally accepting of the shitload of money I invest in the hobby, as long as it doesn't put us into financial jeopardy--which it hasn't . . . so far. But it helped that I was honest with her when we started dating about how much I put into the hobby. She wondered about my sanity at times, but was ultimately OK with it.
We need to make a pair of puke green klipschorns, put them in your house for one month then let you see if your wife will let you get those new speakers!!
If you are getting married, you better believe that WAF will play a central role in determining your audio purchases. What does WAF usually mean: For most, it determines how much money you get to spend. The key here is to search out the best deal you can find, and then you relate to your spouse that you are actually saving money. You could also try to fudge the true amount that you actually payed for the gear to avoid the " You payed what for that." Also, it determines what the equipment looks like and where it is to be placed. As others have mentioned, WAF does not care that your speakers will sound better where you want to place them, WAF states that you will place them here and like it mister. It also will determine for most the way the equipment looks, especially speakers. If you are lucky enough to have floorstanders, WAF will at the very least tell you what kind she will put up with. Even though you love speaker x, WAF will say " that is never coming into my house." MAny of us have to keep all, and I mean all of our equipment in an armoire. In order to get to place something like a sub or more important, speakers outside this infernal cabinet, we must be willing to sell ourselves into slavery to our wives. Read, you can get approved floorstanders, when you do ETC...... But be of good cheer, having a wife involves committment, and if you are also committed to audio, you will find creative ways to slip your audio acquisitions past the WAF net.
Be a man.
I have two things which come into play:
1)Include her in your purchases; ask her opinion about how things sound (try not to ask about how they look), audio should be enjoyment for both of you.
2)Audio purchases are (for me) a trade-off. If she approves of a purchase for you, don't object if she asks you about some purchase she's considering.
One last thing: "Hi honey, look what I just bought (without talking to you about it first)is NOT a good way to start a conversation.
Thanks Hooper & Rwwear.
Try to integrate some HT stuff in your system, and tell her that it's also Home Theater for her.

Watch some movies together.

It'll work out nicely.

Buy now, Pay later
Sure she’s accepting now, but unless you have a very unique model, stand by for a surprise incoming message in about 6.5 months. My #2 is of the unique persuasion, but that was a requirement after lessons learned from #1.

Here’s how I arranged things to keep the peace and my toys –
1) Floor # 1 is mine. Floor #2 is hers. I don’t comment on hers, she leaves mine alone.
2) I make and spend my money, she makes and spends hers.
3) The house is mine. I pay all costs except utilities which she pays 1/3 of.
4) We negotiate vacations. I’m a ski freak. If I want her along I pay. If I don’t, I don’t.
She likes warm weather – there’s a (small) joint account to cover that.
5) The kids and their associated expenses are mine (they're from wife #1). They’re boys, so when they see new stuff they say “Coooool” which makes me feel good.

More suggestions –
1)When you go looking for a house, find one where you can have your MAN room, and can put your MANLY audio system. Make sure it has a lockable door.
2)Make sure it has a door direct to the outside you can smuggle stuff in without parading it past her. Trying to be discrete with a large pair of speakers is difficult.
3)Never try to explain how cables can cost $100 - $500 - $1,200 – hopeless.
4)If she catches you on the computer when you’re supposed to be paying attention to something else, make sure it’s a porn site and not Agon, or else she’ll figure you’re a jerk and wasting your time with “that stuff” again.
5)Make your deal up front - get it in writing if possible.
6)Check the Agon threads. There was one about “best excuses” a couple of months ago that you need to read and memorize.
7) Don't have kids - they muck up your audio system and make the price of cables look cheap. Get a dog instead - now you know why your MAN room has a door.
Best of Luck
Sounds like a lot of you guys made some bad choices for your life partners. If you choose wisely you don't have a reason to become cynical.
Could not have sed it better my self.
Sounds like a lot of you guys made some bad choices for your life partners. If you choose wisely you don't have a reason to become cynical.

You're right! I blame that on drugs and alcohol. When I came out of my drunken stupor Animal House days, I was married. All you kids out there, let that be a lesson to ya. Just say no to drugs, alcohol and marriage.

The wise choice is to realize that all things in life are temporary. People change, situations change. That's why I recommend to my three sons " Lease, don't buy!". There are no life partners anymore, only current partners.

Love is grand, divorce is 100 grand.

It's real easy to tell which of you posters are not married.

Snofun3 summed it real good.

LOL - Love is grand, divorce is 100 grand.
McGrogan - You got away for $100grand. Consider yourself lucky. Plus I pay over $2k / month for the kids alone, not counting all the stuff I buy for them out of my pocket - Firecracker - see what I said before - get a dog (they're smarter and better looking than teenage boys anyways).

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
This poster is married!
There is nothing I like better than "misery loves company" types of issues. Firecracker, mark my words; There will come a day when compromise will be the topic and the wife will question your sense of reality regarding your audio sickness. I had 14 years of bliss never having to discuss a purchase or look for approval when purchasing that $10,000 amp...then came the kids! Now it's a different world (as it should be) and the questions, dis-approving looks and the dreaded, "what in the he!! do you need THAT for?" is common place.
My suggestion is, ride the wave as long as possible while working your butt off to get a better job to justify the expense of new equipment and a new house with a room dedicated to your system.
Much of this is "tongue in cheek" but there WILL be questions eventually...be prepared ahead of time!
Stop pretending your Mr. wonderful and let her know that your NUT'S right from the begining. It's only fair, for the both of you. Audio is great, your home with her, alot of women would love to be so lucky.
Snofun3, that's just a famous line where I work. I'm not divorced, I can't afford it. :-)

I can dream, can't I?

Women? do you mean the givers of pleasure & pain?
OK, my first wife had my entire vintage stereo equipment collection sold to pay attorney fees during our divorce at less than 50 cents on the dollar. I had things like JBL Hartsfields and 4 Western Electric 91's. My second wife is a dream come true. First off, she is an opera singer who appreciates audio equipment! She let me buy two pairs of Apogee Scintillas and with one set she wants to get rid of the dining room table so we can have better sound in our living room dining room combination. I am having a Marntz SA-14 modified by TRL and she says maybe we should get a second one!! I put her in the audio wife hall of fame!! Bob
Yeah...like I said, my fiance is pretty cool now, but I'm just trying to figure out how she will change over time. She definately knows that I'm hooked on this hobby and always will be. I already have her buy-in for the speakers I would like to buy someday once the money is saved up, so she has no room to complain. I agree with those saying to be up front about it, then what can she say.

Reason I posted this was just trying to get others' feedback on their experiences. From looking at some of the virtual systems on this site ($$$$$$), I was curious whether the ladies in their lives were on-board with these purchases or how they managed to convince them that it is normal to drop $15,000 on a pre-amp when most women (generalization) think that Bose sounds fine.
My wife is supportive - even offering to buy me a pair of Avantgardes for Christmas last year. However, keep in mind, it's not just women - 98% of men probably don't think "it is normal (nor necessary) to drop $15,000 on a pre-amp". If your fiancee wanted to spend $15,000 on a pair of shoes, would you consider that "reasonable"?
3 months before I got married in 1980, I rolled up to her house in a 1970 Plymouth SuperBird that I just bought . No problem.

If you can't do something simular, don't marry her!!

G O O D L U C K !!!!
This post is like a Rorschach Test on audiophile personal relationships. Verrrrrry interesting....
Lkissinger...if this were a real misery loves company post, we'd have to add what it is we do for a living to support the hobby...I can proudly say that I have sold my soul and dignity to a Corporation in exchange for some money.
I agree with those saying to be up front about it, then what can she say.

You'll find out, that's for sure. My wife knew I smoked and drank when we got married, I don't anymore. They don't love you for who you are, they love what they have the potential to make you, in their mind. You don't know what she has in mind. If you did, you may not marry her.

I was curious whether the ladies in their lives were on-board with these purchases or how they managed to convince them that it is normal to drop $15,000 on a pre-amp when most women (generalization) think that Bose sounds fine.

Don't ask, don't tell. I don't consult, inquire, or convince, I just buy it. If she complains like wholly hell, maybe I'll sell it. She mostly complains about aesthetics. She doesn't complain much anymore, since she now knows that her complaints may make the offending piece leave, but the replacement will be more expensive and just as ugly. Do that enough times and they'll stop complaining.

Also, I can't stress this enough, keep a seperate, private bank account and credit card. That way she'll never know how much $$$ is involved. "Oh, it's just a $50 power cord hon".......yeah, right...LOL.

Good luck,

Baranyi, nice of her to let you.
"She let me buy two pairs of Apogee Scintillas"
Hey John, you'd make a good marriage counselor or psychologist !!
Can you say prenup ?? Got your future all mapped out eh ?!!
i dont get it,really,all the guys who claim to have nagging wives always crying about their hobbies must be nuts,is the 9u$$ that good where you are not allowed to pursue somthing your passionet about & your ok with it?

every time i read one of these waf threads & hear about how guys have to sneak & hide their gear or get rid of fantastic sounding speakers that they love & replace them with little waf friendly monitors & all because the little woman dont think they match the decor it makes me think they are nuts.

for 20 years my wife has put up with countless loud motor cycles & ugly stereo's & hifi & only had one bad thing to say & that was after i threw out her brand new love seat sofa to make room for my klipschorns(sounded like a good plan at the time)but she got over it & actually liked the khorns better than the sofa.

im not trying to act like the big man here with the old im the man speech,i love my wife dearly & i would give up hifi & harleys in a heart beat if it meant keeping the toys i would loose her but she would never ask me somthing like that,she knows that i enjoy these things very much & likes to see me happy.

my advice to anybody who has to deal with this kind of woman is to upgrade her at the same time you upgrade your rig,you'll be much happier & your rig will sound better.


Why do you work hard day in and day out? My rule of thumb: spend 10% of your annual income on toys you enjoy. And no... don't consult or "ask permission". No one asks my permission when she comes home with yet another pair of shoes or more clothes, and fact of the matter is I could care less. Funniest thing that happened so far was when I came home with a new car, she sez "you didn't consult me on buying a car, and I had no idea you were buying this model", I sez "why would I, you have your own car". I was perplexed *L*

Life's short, enjoy it to the max and don't go through life whipped.

p.s. before anyone reminds me about children, I have three of 'em. And they each have their own two-channel rigs.
Well, congratulations. I'd keep in mind that right now it's all love, and what is said, promised and anticipated will likely vary from the reality that unfolds. That's life!

Never count on her really understanding your hi-fi obsession. Do you really grasp her passion for scrapbooking or sewing or whatever she's into? Men and women are wired differently (thank God).

My advice: Be fiscally responsible, remembering that this hobby is never really a PRIORITY as things in life go. It can however be a passion, because music is beautiful.

Oh one more thing- don't share how much cables cost unless forced to! :)
Several posters have probably missed the point to this post. It is not a question of being a man or not,or even that we have nagging wives, the point is to include your wife in major purchases that will be in plain view, like speakers. Electronics are easier and usually out of the way, but speakers are going to be seen day in and day out As others have said, we do not really care what our wife spends her extra money on, because she in turn will indulge us in our own pursuits. However, if you want to be the man go ahead and buy whatever you want. You will be the man, the single man or the divorced five times man, get the picture.
To me seeking an excellent sound is about creating an atmosphere in my home where I can relax and really enjoy the music. I upgrade to improve on that. If I spent a lot of money to get an excellent sound quality, yet made my wife resentful and angry in the process, the sense of strife would hinder what I'm trying to achieve.

If you've ever eaten a gourmet meal while fighting with someone, you know that the food tastes terrible. I think it's even more true with music because music strongly affects our moods. Listening to music is always most enjoyable in an atmosphere of peace and harmony.

Bravo to those men who have come to some sort of agreement with their wives (even if it's dividing up the floors)because if your wife is at peace with the situation, she'll be more secure, happy and more likely to be responsive to your wants. To those who don't have this peace, I'd recommend making an upgrade in your treatment of your wife before spending more money. No speaker or amount of decibels can fully drown out an unhappy or resentful wife.
I have never once in my life heard of a woman divorcing her husband because he buys stereo equipment. If she does she didn't love him and want him to be happy to begin with.
Good riddance in that case.
I just spoke to my fiance about this subject. She said to be open about my desires, and she will be in agreement with most of the purchases I make, but will not be supportive of every purchase that I want to make. Although, she did say that I should in all fairness be accepting of her spa days and pedicure / manicure expenditures. So, it sounds like I will be able to acquire a nice system, but I have to put up with alot of wasted dollars on her purchases (designer handbags, salons, etc.) That is a compromise that I can afford to make even though I think women waste money on intangibles that offer no long term benefit (i.e. having equipment that will last several years vs. wasting money on services that offer nothing but immediate gratification).