Your wife's complaints may be more valid than you think ... but not due to excessive SPL (Loudness)
What may be irritating her is the high frequency ringing that she can hear/perceive and you can't
Women are more sensitive to high frequency noise then men and it may be the high frequency distortion/ringing that she can hear that you can't that is driving her up the wall
"The volume has been turned down twice tonight to the point where I need to put a stethascope up to the speaker to hear it"
This would indicate that it may not be a SPL/Volume issue
"Does anyone else have a problem with the old lady constantly whining? "
My combination of NHT3.3's and 500watt D500 Phase Linear generates 92 to 96db at the listening position with peaks just over 100db and my wife can sit and listen all day long without a peep ... but the minute we turn on either one of our two TV sets which play through the TV's speakers ... the first thing out of her mouth is "Turn that noise down"
It took me awhile to put it together and then it hit me when she kept saying "Turn that noise down" that it wasn't the SPL/Loudness but some noise (high frequency distortion ) that was irritating her
My suggestion is to save the money you would spend on a Marriage Consular and invest it in a quality power conditioner, some vibration control components, and Room Acoustics
Unless you two are Die Hard motorcycle enthusiast (Bikers) I would definately refrain from using the phrase "Old Lady" with reference to her ... or else you will by pass the marriage consular phase and go directly to the Divorce lawyer phase
HTH Dave (;-)