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Obviously your pre-marriage counseling was incomplete. You failed to take her to a least five audio shows, these always are 'breakins'. Also, you did not take her to at least ten audio shops. Those visits would have proven that you are 'audio weird' and will never settle for listening at anything less then 85db. Headphones have been suggested. These will not work as she will accuse you of ignoring her any time you put them on. Sadly, you have entered into the audio version of Dante's Inferno, the hell part that is. There is no hope, except a quick divorce.
Whining yes, whining about my music, no. One of the things my first marriage taught me was what I could and couldn't put up with and what my spouse would need to tolerate. Football and music were 1a and 1b on that latter list. I pretty much knew I was going to marry her when I found out she loved classical music. It was good enough that she was ambivalent to football and worked weekends.
As it is you have your work cut out for you. Negotiate and bribe is about all I've got, unless you can draw her into your music somehow.
Your wife's complaints may be more valid than you think ... but not due to excessive SPL (Loudness)
What may be irritating her is the high frequency ringing that she can hear/perceive and you can't
Women are more sensitive to high frequency noise then men and it may be the high frequency distortion/ringing that she can hear that you can't that is driving her up the wall
"The volume has been turned down twice tonight to the point where I need to put a stethascope up to the speaker to hear it"
This would indicate that it may not be a SPL/Volume issue
"Does anyone else have a problem with the old lady constantly whining? "
My combination of NHT3.3's and 500watt D500 Phase Linear generates 92 to 96db at the listening position with peaks just over 100db and my wife can sit and listen all day long without a peep ... but the minute we turn on either one of our two TV sets which play through the TV's speakers ... the first thing out of her mouth is "Turn that noise down"
It took me awhile to put it together and then it hit me when she kept saying "Turn that noise down" that it wasn't the SPL/Loudness but some noise (high frequency distortion ) that was irritating her
My suggestion is to save the money you would spend on a Marriage Consular and invest it in a quality power conditioner, some vibration control components, and Room Acoustics
Unless you two are Die Hard motorcycle enthusiast (Bikers) I would definately refrain from using the phrase "Old Lady" with reference to her ... or else you will by pass the marriage consular phase and go directly to the Divorce lawyer phase
HTH Dave (;-)
LOL! No, they never stop whining. If my wife goes an hour w/o some complaint, I run over and check her pulse. Just like I always say "If they ain't b!tching, they ain't breathing". I solved this issue in the listening room by changing my work schedule. Now I work when she's home and she works when I'm home.....why'd it take me 20 years to figure that out????
I love my husband but WTF? Does anyone else have a problem with the old man constantly whining? He refuses to wear his hearing aid and then complains when I turn down the stereo to inform him the police are at the door issuing a noise violation. He even mocks me by pretending that he needs a stethoscope on his speakers to hear the music. I might have to try one of those marriage counselors as posted in another thread. Does anyone know of a good one?
I solved that problem by having 2 high end systems on 2 different floors of our house. While my living room system is my favorite, for those times when wifey wants to watch tv or read, I retreat to my man cave upstairs where I can listen to my secondary system which sounds excellent and surf the net at the same time. Problem solved.
Tvad: Please don't tell me in your circle you hang out with the Duck of Yorkshire or maybe the Earl of Buckingham.Please this is all done in complete levity and nothing more. You should hear what wife's and girlfriends say about their respected other it would make sailor's blush and truck drivers turn white....
Wow Tvad after your thought on this matter you would think Jr would yank this thread of his. You not only know about audio but most importantly you know about charactor.
The music always sounds better when there is peace and respect in the home.
My wife last night asked if I would play something different than Rock/Jazz so I put on some Perry Como and that was to her liking. It even sounded great on my system.
Learn a womens 5 needs and enjoy the music.
You guys are funny. Everyone is enthusistic about cracking out jokes. I play louder when my wife and kid are not home. So you need to know her schedule. For me, grocery shopping is my golden time for listening. Oh, whenever she wants to go to my mother-in-law place, I try to come up with excuse of not going because that will be serious listening time again. Remember to check her schedule real time if possible.
I am inexpert in the reasons people get (and stay!) married, but I agree with the posts above suggesting that the strain over music is likely proxy for the other issues. Maybe a discussion of music habits could lead into other needed discussion. Meantime, if she's seen the Dead 125 times, maybe you can buy her some of the live sets getting put out on Rhino. Some sound pretty good -- I'm currently enjoying Hartford 77 -- and might make for musical olive branches you both enjoy. :) Best of luck!!! :)
There are about 10 guys in my audio group. Half of them are lucky in that they have a room to themselves- a man cave, where we can listen to music with our friends, or alone, and the wives usually leave us in peace. We can turn it up and listen to what we want.
So, try to take over a room to have to yourself and let her have the rest of the house. She's got it anyway, so you win.
I realize this is not an option for everyone, but it is truly the best one unless you have a wife who is also passionate about the music.
I like the idea of putting your jacket on and say you're going to the bar, but that might lead to divorce and after paying your attorney you won't have any money for your stereo hobby anyway.
It has been my experience women have better hearing than men and women can hear higher frequencies than men do. Maybe there is something about your system that isn't allowing your wife to enjoy music the way you do. Ask her what she thinks of the sound. I am sure you will get an honest answer and she will probably be right.
I agree with Tvad, Glory, and 280. Also with the suggestions of headphones. I usually listen with speakers either with my wife or when she is not at home. If my listening would interfere with something else she is doing, I use headphones (Stax electrostatics, which I invested in particularly for that purpose).
Does that mean that I end up listening via speakers less often than I would ideally like to? Certainly, but I'm cool with that.
(Happily married 39 years)