What's the funniest song you ever heard?


This isn't misunderstood lyrics, but the actual lyrics that were funny. There have been artists who made a living writing humorous stuff like Spike Jones, or Ray Stevens to name a few, but the funniest song I have ever heard might have been "Pretty Smart on My Part" by Phil Ochs.

What's tickled your funnybone?
nrchy
Flim & the BBs: Five on the Floor from 'Further Adventures of.' There's a lyrical interlude part way through the piece. I have no idea what it means, but it's funny as all get out!
This will make me odd man out, but I love Gilbert and Sullivans operettas of which my favorites are HMS Pinafore and the Mikado. But my favorite G&S witty ditty is A Capitol Ship... Which starts out, "A capitol ship for an ocean trip was the wallowing window blind...

I guess you have to have been involved in the production of these operettas or have a wierd sense of humor, but I still love'm and hum them often.
Alice's Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie

David Peel and the Lower East Side: "Ballin' in the Bathroom"

(although I think on the album cover it was spelled "Bawlin'", but we knew what it meant)
Forest Lawn - Tom Paxton
Adelaide's Lament (from "Guys and Dolls")
Bob Dylan's 115th Dream
The Mushroom Tabernacle Choir: " The Twelve Drugs of Christmas " 1972
"Summertime" by The Troggs
'Political Science' by Randy Newman
BTW, wasn't it Tuli Kupferberg and the Fugs who did the original "Ballin' in the Bathroom"?
"Stripper Girl" by Metal Shop. You gotta love lines like:

"Stripper girl, you're heaven sent. You pay my phone bill, pay my rent." or "I'll be there to catch you when you fall. If you buy me a cell phone you can give me a call."

Hell, the entire album is a scream, poking fun at the biggest metal bands of the 80's by playing the same type of music better than they ever did!
It's a toss up between "I like" by Heathen Dan and "Paralyzed" by the The Legendary Stardust Cowboy.
An album of Tom Lehrer's I heard a long, long time ago. Also, "Billy the Mountain" by Frank Zappa.
there's that old camp song that began with
"Hello mother hello father, hear I am at camp granada". I don't know who sang it but it was super funny.
Dread Zeppelin - The theme of Gilligan's Island sung to the tune of Stairway to Heaven

Honorable Mentions:

Frank Zappa - Tinsel Town Rebellion,
Allan Sherman - The Rebel, 12 Days of Christmas, Al & Yetta,
Sarah Jachman
They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa" original recording by Napoleon XIV

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa
from: Dr. Demento's Delights
Warner Bros. 1975 BS 2855 0698
Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave because I'd go berserk?? Well...
You left me anyhow and then the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind.. And..
They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa
To the funny farm. Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!

You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that loosing you would make me flip my lid.. RIGHT???
I know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed you laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad... And..

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.
To the happy home. With trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you pay me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds.. Huh??
Well you just wait, they'll find you yet and when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!!! And...

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa.
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.
To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!
To the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're coming to take me away, ha-haa!!!
To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time... (fade out)

Hey, buddy!
Yes officer..
You a head?
No, but I'm catching up, ha ha ha....

original recording by Napoleon XIV
Alpha Team - Speed (Hardcore remix)

Sort of a techno thing, with samples from the old Speed Racer cartoon mixed together into a hilarious climax.
Dr Hook And The Medicine Show had an album with lyrics by the late, great Shel Silverstein of Playboy Magazine and children's book fame. Titles included "Freakin' at the Freaker's Ball", "Penicillan Penny", "Acapulco Goldie", "Roland The Roadie And Gertrude The Groupie", "Get My Rocks Off" and "Cover Of The ROlling Stone". Very funny stuff and the recording is top notch.
Mojo Nixon
- "Elvis is Everywhere"
- "I Ain't Gonna Piss in no Jar"
- "Louisiana Liplock"
- "She's Vibrator Dependant"
_ "(619) 239 - KING"
Randy Newman
- "Shame"
- "Better Off Dead"
- "Rednecks"
- "Faust"
- "Roll With The Punches"
- "Burn On'

Hey Islandear -- I'm not sure if the Fugs did "Ballin in the Bathroom" first. Could be....the Fugs and David Peel (along with Zappa) were all loosely categorized together in the late 60s as rebel rockers.

But I remember distinctly the David Peel album with "Up Against the Wall Mother F---r", "Ballin' in the Bathroom", "Mother, Where is my Father?", etc.

I think that was recorded in about 1968, so if the Fugs did it before that, then they were first. I just know that we made copies of the Peel album on cassette tapes and passed them around in high school in the early 70s. Boy, that was a while ago.....
My two favs are:

"Let's Get Mesolithic" and "Tommy the Canexican" both by Eddie From Ohio on the "Quick" CD.
Not that the lyrics have been changed, but try Richard Cheese his band "the lounge against the machine" is funny as hell, the songs they cover in a lounge form of playback is worth a laugh.
Pretty Smart On My Part
By Phil Ochs

I can see him coming
He's walking down the highway
With his big boots on
And his big thumb out
He wants to get me
He wants to hurt me
He wants bring me down
Sometime later when I'm feel a little straighter
I will come across a stranger
Who'll remind me of the danger
And then I'll run him over
Pretty smart on my part
Find my way home in the dark

I can see her coming
sure looks pretty
her breasts are bold
and her mouth is large
she wants to get me
she wants to hurt me
she wants to bring me down
But sometime later when I feel a little naked
I'll lead her to altar
Then I'll tie her all in leather
Then I'm gonna whip her
Pretty smart on my part
Find my way home in the dark

I can see him coming
he's walking through bedroom
with a switchblade knife
He's looking at my wife
he wants to get me
he wants to hurt me
he wants to bring me down
But sometime later when I feel a little braver
I'll go hunting with my rifle
where the wild geese are flying
then I'm gonna bag one
Pretty smart on my part
Find my way home in the dark

I can see them coming
they're training in the mountains
and they talk chinese
and they spread disease
They want to get me
They want to hurt me
They want bring me down
But sometime later when I feel a little safer
We'll assasinate the president
And take over the government
And then we're going to fry them
Pretty smart on my part
Find my way home in the dark

Shiva that was Alan Sherman.
"I Got Friends in Low Places".
zappa: titties and beer

for a taste of zappa's unmatched wit and wisdom, i recommend a ryko cd, "have i offended anyone?"
Why D'Ya Do IT, Marianne Faithful on "Broken English". Cracks me up every time I've played it....
Zappa's "Honey Honey Hey, Baby Don't Ya want a Man Like Me?' Sample lyric: "He trys to start the car, but the battery's dead; So he asked to use the phone, and she gives him some head...and thats the end of our story!"
Titties and Beer, another classic,as well!
I was in Denver 10 years ago and I heard a song on the local jazz station called:

"An Ugly Woman Told Me No"

...it was hilarious and I never found out who sang it, I only heard it once.

Randy Newman's "Short People" was a hilarious song also.

Oscar Brown Jr. has a tune calle "But I Was Cool" that will crack you up.
Zappa's "We gotta stick together", "Catholic girls",
You have to hear Patrick Sky - Songs That Made America Famous. Recorded in 1973 with a warning on the back: Despite redeeming social importance, this album should be approached with caution.

Offensive and sick/funny songs like:
1. Ramblin' Hunchback
2. Bake Dat Chicken Pie
3. Rock Star
4. Yonkers Girl

Type his name in Google and you can see he recorded a number of folk albums before coming totally off the wall with this. Funny for those not easily offended.
I agree with Frank Zappa (adding "please don't eat the Yellow Snow"), Randy Newman (adding "Short People") and various Dr. Hook. I'd also add Warren Zevon (e.g. "Werewolves of London") and Tonio K (e.g. "Life in the Foodchain", "H-A-T-E-R-E-D").
Coffee_nudge, it seems to me it was about '66 or '67 when I first heard Tuli bawling in the bathroom. I think Kupferberg is still alive - he must be 80 by now.

Zappa's "Who Goosed The Moose" was also special...

Ah, Frank...Dr. Demento...Paraquat Kelly...KMET...the 70's...I'm feeling very retro.
Tom Lehrer's "That was the week that was" album - every song is a hoot, though my particular favourites are "New Math", "The Vatican Rag", and "Pollution". Also, try to check out the "Stairways To Heaven" album. Eleven different versions of "Stairway To Heaven", my favouite is the Australian country version.

"Didn't You Kill My Brother" by Alexei Sale is also pretty funny in a twisted sort of way, as is "Cousin Dupree" by Steely Dan.
Shiva, it was Alan Sherman.
"Suburban Homeboy" by Sparks. The Bloodhound Gangs "Mr. Rogers" song.
Pretty much anything by Blowfly.
Tom Waits album "Nighthawks at the Diner (From Easy Street)"

here's a blur drizzle down the plateglass
as a neon swizzle stick stirrin up the sultry night air
and a yellow biscuit of a buttery cue ball moon
rollin' maverick across an obsidian sky
as the busses go groanin' and wheezin',
down on the corner I'm freezin';
on a restless boulevard at a midnight road
I'm across town from EASY STREET
with the tight knots of moviegoers and out of towners
on the stroll
and the buildings towering high above
lit like dominoes or black dice
all the used car salesmen dressed up in
Purina Checkerboard slacks
and Foster Grant wrap-around,
pacing in front of EARL SCHLEIB
$39.95 merchandise
like barkers at a shootin' gallery
they throw out kind of a Texas Guinan routine
"Hello sucker, we like your money
just as well as anybody else's here"
or they give you the P.T. Barnum bit
"There's a sucker born every minute
you just happened to be comin' along at the right time"
come over here now
you know... all the harlequin sailors are on the stroll
in a search of "LIKE NEW," "NEW PAINT,"
decent factory air and AM-FM dreams
and the piss yellow gypsy cabs
stacked up in the taxi zones waitin' like
pinball machines
to be ticking off a joy ride to a magical place
waitin' in line like "truckers welcome" diners
with dirt lots full of
Peterbilts, Kenworths, Jimmy's and the like, and
they're hiballin' with bankrupt brakes, over driven
under paid, over fed, a day late and a dollar short
but Christ I got my lips around a bottle and
my foot on the throttle and I'm standin' on the corner
standin' on the corner like a "just in town"
jasper, on a street corner with a gasper lookin'
for some kind of Cheshire billboard grin
stroking a goateed chin, and using parking meters
as walking sticks on the inebriated stroll
with my eyelids propped open at half mast
but you know... over at Chubb's Pool Hall and Snooker
it was a nickle after two, yea it was a nickle after two
and in the cobalt steel blue dream smoke, it
was the radio that groaned out the hit parade
and the chalk squeaked, the floorboards creaked
and an Olympia sign winked through a torn yellow
shade, old Jack Chance himself leanin' up against
a Wurlitzer and eyeballin' out a 5 ball combination shot
impossible you say? ...hard to believe?, perhaps
out of the realm of possibility? naaaa
he be stretchin' out long tawny fingers out across a
cool green felt with a provocative golden gate
and a full table railshot that's no sweat and I leaned
up against my bannister and wandered over to the
Wurlitzer and I punched A-2 I was lookin' for
something like Wine, Wine, Wine by the Night Caps
starring Chuck E. Weiss or High Blood Pressure
by George (cryin' in the streets) Perkins - no dice
"that's life," that's what all the people say ridin' high
in April, seriously shot down in May, but I know I'm
gonna change that tune when I'm standing underneath
a buttery moon that's all melted off to one side
It was just about that time that the sun
came crawlin' yellow out of a manhole
at the foot of 23rd Street
and a dracula moon in a black disguise
was making its way back to its
pre-paid room at the St. Moritz Hotel (scat)
and the El train came tumbling
across the trestles and it sounded
like the ghost of Gene Krupa
with an overhead cam and glasspacks
and the whispering brushes of wet radials
on a wet pavement and there's a
traffic jam session on Belmont tonight
and the rhapsody of the pending
evening, I leaned up against
my bannister and I've been looking
for some kind of an emotional
investment with romantic dividends
kind of a physical negociation
is underway
as I attempt to consolidate all my
missed weekly payments, into
one-low-monthly payment
through the nose
with romantic residuals and leg akimbo
but the chances are more than likely I'll probably
be held over for another smashed weekend

Two Nice Girls album, "Spent My Last $10.00 On Birth Control And Beer."

When I was a young girl like normal girls do
I looked to a woman's love to help get me through
I never needed any more than a feminine touch
I hated the thought of kissing a man it really was too much

I did not drink, I did not smoke I did not say "goddamn"
I was polite I was sensitive before I loved a man
My family, they were proud of me were proud of what I am
But then along came Lester and my tale of woe began

(Chorus)
I spent my last ten dollars on birth control and beer
My life was so much simpler when I was sober and queer
But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear
And made me spend my last ten bucks on birth control and beer

It was June 1983 when Mary Lou and I did part
She said she loved another dyke my god, it broke my heart
I was bitter and disillusioned to lose another girlfriend
Lester came to work at Papa's store and decided to ease on in

Before my last heartbreak nothing made me more sick
Than a hairy-chested, cheap double-breasted suited man with a hard dick
I guess that I was curious I guess that I was young
I guess it was that rum and coke I guess that I was dumb

(Chorus)

For of course, for a woman to love a man she must also love to booze
If a woman don't drink beside her man then she will surely lose him
As I sit in this hetero honky-tonk and reflect upon my past
I think about those girlfriends and why they didn't last

For there's certain thrills that lesbian love simply cannot supply
Like paying for abortions from sperm gone awry
And so I say to you my friends without this man I'd die
So listen to my tale of woe and hang your head and cry

(Chorus)
"Run Red Run" by the Coasters!

Nonwithstanding their other classics "Along Came Jones", "Charlie Brown" and "Yakkity Yak", "Run Red Run" has all the elements you'd ever want in a humorous song:

Gambling
Booze
Guns
A monkey who gambles and drinks booze
Very fast running
Revenge (by a monkey)
Quality threads (also by a monkey)

It's an old soul/r&b classic that's very funny and very stylish. Appropriate for children also (at least it was for me!), but with deeper appeal to adults. Just the best "good time" song I can think of that will make anybody laugh.

Honorable Mention, and much further from center:

The entire "Helter Stupid" album by Negativeland.

"Auto-Manipulator" by Crispin Hellion Glover.

"Pervert" by Big Meat Hammer. Veteran Portland, ME punks that are a pure old-school joy live. The lyrics are so fine, they don't even play the song live unless the place seems VERY ready for it, and even then, you'd have to ask politely.

Big Bottom by Spinal Tap or The Spam Song by Monty Python
Albert,
If your going with t.w. how about "Filipino Box Spring Hog" I always got a chuckle from "spasticus autisticus " by Ian Dury and the blockheads...
Zappa's "Dynamo Hum" comes to mind.
"Mississippi Squirrel Revival" by Ray Stevens.
Monster Hash - The Toys

I was working in the lab late one night
When I heard the gurgle of a waterpipe
So I turned to see my monster in a cloud of smoke
Who said "This shit ain't bad, here, have a toke"

(We smoked some hash) - We smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - It was his personal stash
(We smoked some hash) - We got completely trashed
(On monster hash) - We smoked some monster hash

As we partied in the castle with the living dead
Mouths were dry and eyes were red
The ghouls and goblins shrieked and screamed
"Won't somebody please pass the Visine"

(They smoked some hash) - They smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - From Frankie's personal stash
(We smoked some hash) - And they all were smashed
(On monster hash) - They smoked some monster hash

The mummy was toking on a bong
Wolfman said "Don't bogart that, pass it along"
The swamp thing was toasted, rolling on the floor
Laughing hysterically and pleading for more

The scene was rocking as the werewolves moved
To the undead reggae band's dance hall grooves
Meanwhile in the kitchen Frankenstein baked
Some Alice B. Toklas brownies and cakes

(We ate some hash) - We ate some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - It had the graveyard smashed
(We ate some hash) - And we all got trashed
(On monster hash) - We ate some monster hash

The party would have gone on 'til we all passed out
But just then we heard a bloodcurdling shout
"Watch out, beware, cover your necks
Dracula's got the munchies, and he's totally wrecked"

(He smoked some hash) - He smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - He was completely smashed
(He smoked some hash) - That transylvanian's trashed
(On monster hash) - He smoked some monster hash

Now every night the dead rise up from the grave
To partake in our happening THC rave
For you, the living, this hash was meant, too
When you get to my door just say the Toyes sent you

(We'll smoke some hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - And we'll all get trashed
(We'll smoke some hash) - From my personal stash
(Of monster hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash

mmmm - that shit gooood
Easy, boy, save some for daddy
mmm - hash gooood

Other funny songs:
Girlfriend In A Coma - The Smiths
My Ding-A-Ling - Chuck Berry
They're Coming To Take Me Away - Napoleon XIV
Richard Thompson's "I Got the Hots for the Smarts". Never heard it before I saw him perform it live a couple of weeks ago, infinitely witty and delivered in his usual Monty Python form.
Quite a few songs by the Fugs. Particularly on the "LIve at the Filmore" album. "Coca Cola" and "Mary Magdalene" come to mind. Did they also have an album titled "Golden Filth?" I haven't kept up with anyone who was into the Fugs, so don't really know the words anymore. Pretty rude stuff.
Also, Dana Lyon's "Cows With Guns."
Deb
Nobody has volunteered the classic "Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through the Goalposts of Life)":

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Make me, oh make me, Lord more than I am
Make me a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly tempestion below
I’ve got the will, Lord if you’ve got the toe.

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Take all the brothers who’ve gone on before
And all of the sisters who’ve knocked on your door
All the departed dear loved ones of mine
Stick’em up front in the offensive line.

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Yeah, Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.
“The Legend of the USS Titanic” as performed by Jaime Brockett and Chris Smithers

A sampling:

You wanna 'nother toke, Captain?...... And the Captain, he say....... RIGHT!!!!!!!!..............

.......He says “I am commencing to hold it in!”

He walked around the wheelhouse.
He went downstairs
He laid down.
He get up, he ran in the other room.
He sent a radiogram.
He came on back in.
He took a shower.
He come out.
He shaved.
He laid down.
He got up again.
He turned on the television.
He turned off the radio.
He played a game of cribbage.
He read his masked marvel comic book.
He walked thru the kitchen,
made a cup of tea,
made a cup of coffee,
sat down,
ate a piece of pie,
went upstairs,
played another game of cribbage,
went back in,
finished his other masked marvel comic book,
laid down,
he had the television, the radio, the egg beater, the air conditioner n’everything's all goin' at once. He walks up on deck and this is fifty two minutes later n' this cat ain't breathed yet!
So the First Mate see him standin' up there on the rail he's all puffed up like a balloon!
And he say, “ya gotta let it out, Captain!
There are actually many, by many artists. No list would be complete, however, without mention of Wierd Al. Songs like "Eat It" and "Like a Surgeon" are hilarious.
The classic, I'm a lumberjack by kids in the hall. Pretty funny damn song.

Honorable mention - A boy named sue, And then She bit me (fresh prince)

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.

Chorus:
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea

Mounties:
He cut down trees, he eat his lunch
He go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he go shopping and has buttered scones for tea.

Chorus:
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.

Mounties:
He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars.

Chorus:
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspendies and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear pappa.

Mounties:
He cuts down trees, he wears high heels?
Suspendies...and a bra?

...He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

...He's/I'm a lumberjack and he's/I'm OK
He/I sleep all night and he/I work all day.
Shion_ca Monty Python did that in the early 70's
nrchy's right. kids in the hall were, at best, derivative.
Meat Loaf, "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights". Humor-the shock of recognition. I think Leslie Fielder said that.