@whatjd, I am a retired social worker and don’t know about the VA system, but as others have stated, there are people to help advocate in your behalf. There are Social Services staff at the VA, and there should be Ombudsman staff (ours was through the local Senior Citizens agency; I don’t know if VA has their own as well), and the local TV stations sometimes have reporters that handle community complaint stories. And then your elected representatives.
I have dealt with folks that wanted to continue living as they were doing for years, but decline in their physical health and/or mental faculties made that unsafe for them. Sometimes they couldn’t have the arrangement they wanted, but they still have options, and those options should be explored with you. To the extent that advocates can help you to find a safe, pleasant living situation, they should try. I hope that things can work out for you so that the change is not so painful. Please keep us informed.
I have dealt with folks that wanted to continue living as they were doing for years, but decline in their physical health and/or mental faculties made that unsafe for them. Sometimes they couldn’t have the arrangement they wanted, but they still have options, and those options should be explored with you. To the extent that advocates can help you to find a safe, pleasant living situation, they should try. I hope that things can work out for you so that the change is not so painful. Please keep us informed.