The best audiophile "gag" gift for X-Mas

My dear friend and fellow audiophile bought for me the remarkable, " Intelligent Chip CD Upgrade Device", from Machina Dynamica for my X-Mas present. Well, we all gathered around the sweet spot in front of the old high-end system, put in the demo CD in the transport, put the, " Intelligent Chip" on top of the transport for the recommended 2 to 3 seconds, and absolutely NOTHING happened regarding the sonics in any way! But, boy did we all crack up and had the best laugh on X-Mas day. Now, we had 9 more upgrades left in the, "Intelligent Chip", so if first you don't succeed try, try again. We did and again NOTHING happened except more howls of laughter and good cheer. Well, we decided that the, "Intelligent Chip", was adding as much improvement to the sonics of the system as (Un)Intelligent Design Theory is adding to the scientific explanation of the development/diversity of life on our planet. Both, are just a bunch of .... you fill in the blank, but for the $16.00 the dumb chip cost it was the best gag gift I have ever recieved on X-Mas.
Did you just waste the last 8 upgrades? If not, how did they go. Maybe the Intelligent Chip needed burn-in.
Teajay, what you needed was the IBC

(Intelligent Bovine Chip).......After 10 times on your digital, you spread it around your lawn.

I tried it on my CD player, didn't get better sound but afterward, the grass WAS greener on my side of the street.
Heehee,,,i wonder how much money the"inventor"has made on this thing?What a great way to get upgreed,i mean upgrade cash!!!
i gave my wife an EXPIRED gift certificate to a CARTIER!!!

Well the nice thing about the chip is that you have been able to test and prove it to be faulty, but the idea on design is another story.
Ye of so little faith, perhaps you did no say the proper prayer-incantation?! I for one, once "faith healed" a power amp. After a power outage the transformer was physically humming, but after "laying hands" and thinking positive and deeply spiritual thoughts, the hum soon vanished!
Check the instructions and see if there might be some magical words or ritualistic procedures that you my have overlooked. Digits work in mysterious ways.
You guys used the chip wrong. It works great if you meditate while standing on your head prior to placing it wherever you are supposed to place it.
I realize this is a little off the subject but I just can't resist. Plus, you brought it up. Try finding even one scientific proof, that hasn't been disproved or proven to be a hoax, for evolution. If true science were being taught in schools, there wouldn't be an argument for intelligent design. My 2 cents. Dan R
This wasn't for this past Christmas, but a few years ago my brother gave me a handy dandy CD scratch removal and cleaning machine. I think it was sold in the Sharper Image catalog, and also available in ominous colorful piles by the checkouts of your finer department stores. It was a plastic clamshell device with an AC adapter and a bottle of magic cleaning fluid. It came with two different grades of polishing wheels. It claimed to make scratches on the CD playing surface disappear. I found myself one test CD, that I'd obviously loaned to someone and was returned with a few scratches. I first used the finer of the two cleaning rings and a recommended amount of the fluid. Well, I can say if you don't like seeing a reflection of yourself, or those pretty rainbows in the back of the CD, this gizmo is definitley for you! It basically takes some mild grit polishing compound, spins it agressively against the playing surface of the CD and takes the plastic down to a dull haze, leaving previous scratches still clearly visible by the way. I tried the more coarse cleaning wheel. More of the same, but even less recognizable as a CD. Scratches still there. It still played but now skipped more than it ever did. I tossed the CD. I'm hoping that I saved the machine somewhere so I can try spreading it on my lawn as Albert suggested.

This is a pretty stupid thread about an intelligent chip, but if you happened to find one of these chips laying around would you ASSume it evolved there, or that someone had made it???
It evolved for sure. Intelligent Design would/could not create such a useless device. Evolution on the other hand is all about exageration and useless theory.

Like the intelligent chip, evolution can be quite humorous and bring belly laughs. Sorry, I am getting to serious here.

I do know this. God has tube gear.
Just for the record, "Intelligent Design" is not science. If you insist it should be discussed in school, let it be a topic in philosophy class. It is the business of science to explore and describe the physical world, it is not the job of scientists to explore who made the physical world.
The philosophy behind ID says that existence is so perfect or so complicated that there must be a "designer". If we take this one step further we must ask, who 'designed' the even more perfect "designer"?
Fact is that the overwhelming majority of the scientific community agrees that even if evolution theory is not complete or perfect, it is the accepted basis from which advances in biology and medical science come from.
In a world where our country is falling far behind in education (we were once the leaders), now is not the time to replace science with religion.
There was a time when science was pushed aside and the world was ruled by was what we now call "the dark ages"
I also apologize for getting off topic, but I find myself amazed at how easily people in this day and age are willing to reject science and swallow anything dressed in holy garb. Intelligent Design is Creationism Light and is not science. The Theory of Evolution is accepted science as is the Theory of Gravity. Feel free to believe what ever you want about God and creation, but please dont call it science.
Oh boy, we've done it now.

High end audio (+) digital vs analog (+) religion vs evolution.

Anyone want to add politics and sex so we can have a complete melt down?
Anyone want to add politics and sex so we can have a complete melt down? you really have to ask?

In the beginning, god created music and gave man the turntable to listen to his LP collection on, and woman something to complain about....There was a bunch of stuff that happened in between....then there was Viagra...soon thereafter there came a certain son-of-a-Bush, and all hell broke loose..."THE END"

Makes perfect sense to me. See y'all burning in hell, unless you have a hall pass from the lord Jesus. Smores anyone?

I'm not a scientist but I know a few & I don't mean a friend of a friend. One of these guys is a rocket scientist (works on missile trajectories), another the head of an infectious disease facility and another works w/altering plant DNA.

Suffice to say, these are real people with real flaws and they make real mistakes. Now, everybody say, "doh!" and remember that scientific theory is just an idea someone had while sitting on the crapper. Or did it come to them in a dream? I think a lot of theories would be better classified as hypothesis, as one of the definitions for theory is, "An assumption based on limited information or knowledge; a conjecture".

Hey, in spite of it all have a great New Years
Happy New Year Driver, and look, Marco dropped his hall pass..........

I guess we know where he's going now, and I don't mean where they play music all day.
What have I done! Sorry folks. I take back what I said about evolution on this audio thread. That debate is for another place. But it is interesting that our Lord has a tube amp.

Have a happy Creation Christmas
.... and look, Marco dropped his hall pass..........

Yeah, and I paid good money for that pass too! Can anyone suggest any upgrades from eternal damnation? I didn't know there was no music...I thought at least there may be some Tool or NIN playing down there. Is there a Jesus iPod that I may be able to sneak in?

I recieved last night an E-mail from Geoff Kait, who must be one of the owners of Machina Dynamics and an Audiogon member, regarding this post and the total failure of his "Intelligent Chip" on improving in anyway the performance of my digital front end in my system. It was well written and friendly enough, but is a classical example of bullshit excuse making to try to explain away why his product is truly a joke. I paraphase his E-mail: 1) That my system was either out of phase or that my system has a overall problem that can't be solved by using his chip. 2) I could take off the top of my transport so I could put the chip inside the chassis, instead of on top of the exterior. 3) In order to do step 2, I then would have to modify the chip itself in order to get it thin enough to place inside the chassis next to the transport. Well, I'll guarantee when these procedures also fail to produce anything worthwhile, Mr. Kait will have other excuses or rationlizations to discount that the "Intelligent Chip" is nothing but magical/mystical crap. I started this thread in the spirit of good cheer and fun, and understand why Mr. Kait would make an attempt to stand up for his product, but my serious statement would be that this kind of stuff is way many people do not respect audiophiles and our wonderful hobby at all because they think we take things like the "Intelligent Chip" seriously. It's nothing but snake oil and preferably should be seen as the joke it is. One final thought, if Mr. Kait wanted to defend his product, why not do on this post and not a private E-mail? Please Mr. Kait do not E-mail me, but if you want to respond do it on this thread in the public domain for all Audiogon members, not in a private dialog with me.
Teajay, do not confuse experience with scientificly relevant information. Your experience is hardly conclusive.

I know nothing about the intelligent chip, since I'm too stupid to understand it (I don't believe in intelligent design, I believe in Biblical Creationism based on the preponderance on scientific evidence!) and besides I have not made the effort, but I would not be stupid enough to condemn something about which I know nothing.

Are you the anti-shill???
Nrchy, your oxymoron statement regarding using scientific evidence to prove biblical verse shows that you are igonarent regarding the difference between the scientific method and a faith based assumption. Faith is not based on logical conclusions and empirical evidence. The scientific method is based on the ablilty to conform or disconform an assumption, faith cannot be tested or disproved, that's way its called the," leap of faith", beyond logic and evidence. I did not say I ran a scientific experiement with a double-blind method with independent reviewers, just a "field observation". However, I'll bet you even if I did a scientific study, Mr Kait, would discount it and still state that his product works. If anybody notices any effect at all its probably based on the, "Hawthorne Effect", which is a well researched phenomena based on the learner's expectations/cueing regarding a change in their environment. Mr. Kait's own explantation of how the chip works meets no standard scientific criteria as far as I can tell. I don't know if you calling me an "anti-shill" is a compliment or a put down, but if you are inferring that I don't believe in magical horseshit, thanks for noticing that I'm skeptical and don't easily fall for snake-oil and slick marketing.
Hey Nate and Teajay - either of you want to take a leap-of-faith and test out my CD Scratch removing device?! I don't think "intelligence" had anything to do with its design, but if you believe in miracles maybe one of you can get it to work better than me. Maybe if we bring the two products together, you know, put the Machina Dynamica Intelligent Chip on top of the CD cleaning device, there may be some divine synergy and the second coming may ensue, and there'd be fish and bread for everyone. Whady'a say TJ, send on your address and I'll send this plastic clamshell piece of crap on to you for testing and you can gather your same friends together and report on the results. Or perhaps we'll all see them on the nightly News!

Teajay---I think the problem with comparing scientific method and the Bible is perspective. If you believe the Bible is the Word of God, then you judge the scientific findings by what God says. Science is always changing their hypotheses and conclusions-God's word does not change, sometimes our interpretations do. Also many things in the Bible were right long before science figured them out. Earth is round(Isaiah 40) hundreds of years BC. Life is in the blood( can't remember). Historically, you can't find a more reliable source. Just a thought. Have a happy new year. Dan
Marco, I respectfully decline your offer to field test your piece of crap, however, there has been a major development in possible "divine intervention" regarding the "Intelligent Chip" in the last 48 hours!!!

There were 8 treatments left on the chip. The chip was still a TOTAL and dismal failure in effecting the sonics in my system but we decided to
courageously "scientifically" test the possible benefits of the chip for "medical" purposes.

We had one friend with a chronic backache who put the chip on top of his sore back for a total of 4 seconds and reported a dramatic decrease in pain and soreness that had plagued him for the last two weeks!

Another individual who needed to use reading glasses put the chip on each eye for a total of 2 seconds and reported clear vision and discarded his reading glasses!

Finally, an individual who rigorously tested for his IQ score by professional psychologists, in which his overall IQ score before the chip was 110, put the chip on three different locations on his skull for a total of 4 seconds on each spot. After the treatment with the chip, he was retested and his IQ score had risen to 140!!!

The scientific community has been informed of these remarkable results and is up in arms regarding the validity and cause of these "measured" positive changes caused by the application of the "Intelligent Chip..." I will keep all Audiogon members abreast of "further developments" regarding the "healing properties" of this incredible chip as the "research" continues...
aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! can't we stop talking about Geoff and his bu!!$$hit products. I guess not. Well here you go then:
You gotta believe in something

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith, I am nothing."

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
The above could just as easily be re-phrased - for example ...

"I refuse to prove that my cables will make your system sound better", says the snake oil vendor, "for proof denies faith, and without faith, you will hear nothing."

The tenets of faith are an absolute requirement for many of the claims that are made for many (probably most) of the "esoteric" hi-fi additions that you will find everywhere on the web. There is no real information, technical, scientific or otherwise, and the only terms you will hear will be of a subjective nature - for example "solid, sparkling, sweet, musical" will be contrasted with "muffled, veiled, grainy, harsh" - the very selection of the words is designed to sway you to their position, preferably subconsciously.

The marketing is often very subtle, extremely persuasive, and there is no confusing techno-talk in there to confuse the non technical reader. While it may seem like Nirvana, the claims are nearly all completely false.

Faith (in the religious sense) is based on the premise that faith is God's proof that God's existence is truth and does not rely on facts. Indeed, if facts were available, then faith is not required - so in a sense, faith can be seen to be based on an absence of evidence - a fiction.

Believers may also qualify faith as either representing truth or they will represent it as being above and beyond our understanding. Truth becomes a consequence of faith which is the believer's recognition of the absence of evidence. Truth is therefore defined according to a circular perception.

I am not about to dispute the religious beliefs of anyone - these are sacrosanct, and belong to the individual alone. When the same arguments are used for audio, this is a different matter. Audio (unlike religious beliefs) is based on science. Without the efforts of scientific work and studies over many years by a great many people, we would not have audio as we know it. Now, we have charlatans and thieves claiming that science is ruining audio, and that we have to get back to the basics to enable real enjoyment.

You need, nay! must have! the latest shiny rock on top of your CD player, lest the sound be harsh, grainy, and lacking bass authority, and without the latest cables at only US$200 per foot, you are missing out on half of the music. But ... you must believe, for the magic will surely be dissipated instantly should you attempt even the most rudimentary scientific test, or even request any technical information.
Now here is a fun gag gift:

Just keep this thing away from Marco. Who even knows what he could do with it! Im thinking natural disaster of epic proportion.
Teajay, your comments are absurd regarding faith and creationism. The scientific EVIDENCE, philosophical, mathematical, and lastly Theological evidence all point to the fact of creationism. Faith is not based on a lack of evidence, it is based on a preponderence of evidence.

Leading scientists, philosophers, and mathematicians virtually universally admit that the imperical evidence does not support their belief, hence the continued absurdity of ideas like 'punctuated equilibrium' and many other untenible ideas. The problem is college and highschool teachers teach as dogma, what cutting edge investigators have already debunked.

Evolution requires historical (that being the provision of large amounts of evidence) proof to support it because scientific proofs (that being observable, repeatable proofs) do not exist.

Science and faith are not mutually exclusive. It requires more faith to believe that material was made by eternal energy, or by nothing than by a God who exists outside the material universe!!!
Five years ago I would not have even responded to your ignorant and misinformed statements regarding the scientifically based fact of Natural Selection as a valid explanation of the development and wonderful diversity of life on this planet. Now, I do respond in the public domain because individuals like yourself, regardless if you think your motivation is benevolent and tolerant, are eroding the separation of church and state in our culture.

Also, individuals like yourself are either ignorant of the overwhelming evidence accepted by the scientific community supporting Natural Selection or purposely misrepresent, for your own religious reasons, what the data shows to further your agenda of a god-centered universe. Of course, in any scientific endeavor there are healthy disagreements about some of the minute details in the overall valid theory or perspective. However, people of your elk choose to use these healthy disagreements as somehow disproving the overall fact of Natural Selection, along with taking the tesimony of a few crack-pot scientists with the right credentials who have NO status in the scientific community and are pushing their own religious agenda in a pseudo-scientific and disingenious way.

I completely and unconditionally accept that you have the right to any religious or pseudo-scientific philosophy that you want. However, to erode away in our public education system both the separation of church and state and ruining the quality of our scientific education in general is a great concern for all people who want to live in an open and progressive democratic society.

A final note is that the total hypocrasy and underhandedness of the people pushing Intelligent Design theory regarding that it has nothing to do with a religious diety was pointed out by the judge who ruled against it being taught in schools in Pennsylvania.

So...Nrchy, why don't ya move to Kansas where other enlightened thinkers like yourself who are pushing Intelligent Design theory in public classrooms will guarantee another generation of ignorant or ill-informed students who will not be able to think skeptically and compete with the other children of European countries, who by the way laugh at the Ameicans' difficulty with the acceptance of Evolution as a scientific fact, that guarantees that America will not be able to compete educationally and technologically in the future!

Not that I think you would choose to read it, but I highly recommend a book by Sam Harris titled The End Of Faith because in many ways it describes the kind of mind-set that you have that has eroded away some of the most important aspects internally of an open and free American society.
This might have been a fun topic to cover, but...

I sure wish we could limit the debate on AUDIOgon to arguments about tubes vs. transistors, digital vs. analog, 2 channel vs. home theater, etc. Those who wish to trade jabs on science and religion should do so in some other, appropriate forum.
....see what you started Albert?! You're nothing but a trouble-maker!

Hey Cdc, your link to Control-Freak was great. I have just the group for the DOG POOP calandar gag gift.

No observable and repeatable evidence? How about Cancer? If the first treatments don't kill it all the lone surviror(s) begin re-produce and this will kill.

Also, try Avian flu.
Wow....what a discussion this has been! I have watched and casually studied both sides of the Creation vs Evolution argument over the years and have realized that people on both sides are passionate about their positions because there is evidence to support both. I have concluded for myself, and I am not attempting to push my beliefs on anybody, that God created everything we are, see and experience, but that evolution was the mechanism He used to accomplish it. Just my 2 cents. :o)
I have an opinion about science versus religion too, but will avoid discussing that at Audiogon.

Audiogon is a site for music and making it better. We owe each other the respect and freedom to worship (or not) as each sees fit.

Anyway, your more likely to convince a fellow member to buy a great new piece of software than changing something as deep as their view on religion versus science.
Albert, when I originally started this thread it was only to have fun and share a good laugh with fellow Audiogon members like yourself regarding ridiculous products like the Intelligent Chip. I had no idea that anyone would take the gist of this thread into the difference between science in comparison to theological or religious belief systems.

So, I do not believe that my responses were science against religion, but clearly stated my total and complete unconditional acceptance of everyone's individual right to their world viewpoint but to not purposely push their "religious agenda" under the banner of pseudo-science in our public schools.

I believe that I have been respectful and tolerant towards posters on this thread and totally agree that I would rather have had the thread keep to the topic at hand and just have fun with the ridiculous absurdity of the Intelligent Chip hunk of junk and its "magical" claims to improve the sound of digital equipment.

Well, therefore I will not respond anymore posts regarding Intelligent Design Theory, you know my position, but only add comments that go back to the intent, having fun/informing members of the hoax of this product, to this thread.
Agreed, and please understand my comments were not intended to call anyone down about their posts, I don't have that authority nor would I want that responsibility.
Has anyone bought any Brilliant Pebbles,,,,lately,,im holding off because i hear there will be an improved version soon!
My son-in-law wanted a GPS for Christmas. I gave him a map and a highlighter.
True Ray, the new product is called: ULTRA Real Pebbles.

Here is the web site

Ultra Real Pebbles

It just does not get any more real than this, you have to buy food for ULTRA Real Pebbles.
Geez Albert,Just what a single guy like me needs! LOL
I will agree to your wishes since you have no interest in evidence, but prefer the dogma of Natural selection which has NEVER occurred. The fit don't survive, survivors survive. The fittest fox, rabbit or lion will still die in a forest fire, along with the weak.

The theory which Darwin abandoned before his death is as absurd as are your comments about the seperation of church and state, which are no where in the constitution, or in any other government document, until the revisionist supreme court stepped in with their unconstitutional decision which twisted the obvious intention of the words of Thomas Jefferson to the Danbury Baptist Church!

How can a scientific theory exist that starts with a conclusion and then looks for evidence?!?

Believe what you will but don't fool yourself into thinking it was based on evidence. The trend in science is toward intelligent design and away from creation by nothing. Information theory will sever the last thread from which this joke dangles!

Where can I get one of those chips???
Hey Papertrail,,,Boy ,,ill bet your son in law is real happy ! What did he get you?
Nrchy, I would be more than happy to send you, as a belated X-mas present, my Intelligent Chip. I have a hunch based on faith, that you might hear a difference in your system. Before I will send it to you, if you are interested, I'll first meditate/pray that it will give off the right "vibes" to influence positively the sound of your system. You then can let all of us Gon members know if my personnal mystical intervention on the chip's ability worked for you in your system. So, just let me know if you want the chip, I'll do the ritual over it, and send it out to you as soon as possible.
Snake oil :-)
Hey Albert, the link was to the poster child, sure enough the real deal....But, here's the actual product. You even get a free coin purse to save up your allowance for the next tweakeroo too!! I'm sure you know Fred was one of the original Intelligent Design men himelf, and if you act right now, with your purchase of six boxes to treat your entire system and then some, you'll get a free "What Would Fred Do?" bumper sticker with a heat-resistant adhesive backing for application on the face of Class A high-powered amplifiers. That's right, now you can show your audiophile buddies what you're really made of every single time you show off your system!

Did you allow the "Intelligent Chip" to break -in? Any responsible dealer should have told you that it needs 40000000000000 hours to sound its best. Maybe yours wasn't cryogenically treated. I am waiting for the upgrade at a higher price.
Ray, I wanted a memory stick; he gave me a pen. :)
Alright Unclejeff, and it's cheap than the Intelligent chip Gag Gift to boot.

Johnmcelfresh and Albertporter LOL, stereo IS my religion.
My link to the belief thing was just an interesting collolary that believing can make something really exist - or something like that. BTY, it wasn't a jab at cables making a sonic difference. They do IMHO.
Papertrail,,its the thought that counts,,,
i think this company will be with mr tice very soon ,they must of read mr tices clock book,take these guys to court for fraud they might go away