Which is worse? The girlfriend screaming or the scraping sound of the stylus digging across the vinyl? I'd get a new girlfriend and buy plenty of copies of the vinyl. :)
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The Goldmund Reference comes to mind, where the tonearm had a control unit, with a control-cable inbetween, of about 6ft length. You could operate the arm from the turntable itself or through the control unit. They are out of production for a log time now, but you can find them used occasionally in the US or in Europe but hardly ever under 12.000 bucks US. So a nice oilwell is necessary, I suppose.
If vinyl replay is such an inconvenience, I suggest you give it up altogether! You didn't say in your post, but are you in some way crippled or wheelchair-bound, or just extremely lazy? An Aiwa 5 disc CD changer can be purchased at Best Buy for well under $100. I am often irritated myself at the need to wipe my own a**, but that is just a part of life, isn't it?