Planning your Total eclipse party? Avoid being a human Sacrifice!

Hello all,

The last time the contiguous U.S. saw a total eclipse was in 1979.

On Monday I bet there will be plenty of PF Dark side of the Moon blasting at eclipse parties across the nation. However, everyone needs to push PLAY on Pumpkin Head ted’s cut of total eclipse of the sun”, or something similar. Maybe bonnie tyler’s “total Eclipse of the heart” instead.

Have you cut out the aluminum foil for your party hats, amps and DACs? Built your Farrady cages? Got enough sun screen? Made plenty of “No Virgins Here! Signage?

Following the SCIENCE aspect (listed below) of Monday’s miracle of nature, is a list of 10 things which will ensure your Solar black out should be a safe and enjoyable one.

Monday, August 21, 2017, America will see a total eclipse of the sun. the path of totality will pass through portions of 14 states from Lincoln Beach, Oregon to Charleston, South Carolina. Observers outside this path will still see a partial solar eclipse where the moon covers part of the sun's disk though not as fully.

For this eclipse, the longest period when the moon completely blocks the sun from any given location along the 70 mi. wide path of ‘totality’ will be about two minutes and 40 seconds.

first point of contact will be at Lincoln Beach, Oregon at 9:05 a.m. PDT. Totality begins there at 10:16 a.m. PDT.

Over the next hour and a half, it will cross through Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, and North and South Carolina. The total eclipse will end near Charleston, South Carolina at 2:48 p.m. EDT.

Its longest duration will be near Carbondale, Illinois, where the sun will be completely covered for two minutes and 40 seconds.

1. Do not look directly at the sun!
you don’t know exactly where its been or who has been handling it!

The safest way to view the Eclipse is through special eyewear. Right? Nope.
It is from a vicarious perspective .

Pay someone else to stare at it and give you updates every 5 to 10 seconds.

Oddly, Audiophiles will appreciate this more than Home Theater buffs which will be in severe peril.

2. bring in the more valuable pigs, goats, and of course all the virgins in the family!
Fanatical secular Sun Worshipers are known to be extremely dangerous during the 2 minute 40 second interval of the full black out of the sun. it is during this zenith many of these ‘cults’ feel obliged to sacrifice something. Usually not something personal.

Carbondale, Illinois, beware!

ordinarily, berserk eclipse worshipers will seek out some young nubile untouched candidate for their own zaney hazing party.

Regrettably it is very likely everyone on Capitol Hill will not throw their hat in the ring for this particular candidacy, and as such remain unscathed.

3. Location, location, location!.
the entire event takes about 3 hours. Ensure a good ‘spot’ can be had to endure the experience fully.

Locating a secluded wide open area with a single domicile, approach the owners while wearing a hard hat, tape measure, and carrying a clip board as these will help tremendously in to gaining access to some stranger’s property or better yet, their roof so you can get a solitary, unmolested view point.
Merely tell the property ownere you are with the Inspectors and an arial view showed irregularities on their land and their roof you must painstakingly inspect for their own safety. Add too, it will take about 3 hours. Further, tell them they must remain inside and close all blinds and draperies.

If they ask where is your ladder, smile and wryly inform them you are using a drone.

To further dissuade suspicion and As a confident building reminder, tell them them if they have any virgins to keep them securely sequestered for their own well being from the clutches of sun worshiping zealots bent on sacrifice, known to be in the area.

This last bit of inside information will endear the residents to you. well, maybe.

4. stay hydrated.
3 hours of even partially direct solar energy is more deadly than full solar exposure.

Acquire and fill several squeeze bottles of water, or your choice of beverage and continualy squirt those in close proximity to you so they reamin soaking wet. Remind them of course this is simply for their own protection and not a selfish self seeking juvenile act.

With everyone wearing their “Blindness doesn’t scare me, I looked directly at the Sun the whole time” T-shirts you had printed up before hand and sold as momentos of the event, and all are now fully drenched, this situation may double as entertainment if there is a decided 50 – 50 split of males and females, all were liberally drinking adult beverages and a ‘wet t shirt’ contest might well ensue

Perhaps, offer a dry T shirt to the winner.

5. nourishment is key
Several hours in the mid day heat is exceptionally taxing. Prepare a light but healthy repast with good variety beforehand.

Ensure all of the three basic food groups are included.
Fast food
Junk food
Finger food

Have on hand, plenty of vitamin ‘G’. commonly known in the South as ‘gravy’.

Gravy is not merely the accessory or accommodation many view it as, but in the South for years it is a well known fact, gravy in a pinch, is a beverage.

6. have a designated driver!
We all know how much fun it is to watch paint dry, or grass grow. So who knows how exciting a total eclipse of the sun party might be!? If one gets carried away and views the sun throughout the whole of the process, and are now blind. Or just blind drunk, Having a designated driver will be a good thing.

7. Designated decoy.
If you overlooked the caveat for an alternative driver to return everyone home safe and sound, and way too many libations were consumed by way too many people the only recourse you have is to designate a ‘decoy driver’ or ‘DD’.

The best DD is a sober DD, although this is optional and will be a matter of choice or popular vote.

If the DD is indeed intoxicated, Yes, this is tantamount to forcing someone to be a living sacrifice, yet there remains the slim chance of survival. Or incarseration.

The ‘DD’ sets off from the event in a contrary direction. This is before anyone else leaves.

The DD will drive wildly and recklessly about garnering as much attention to themselves as is possible.

Normally hooting and hollering while laying on the horn and flashing the lights will attract attention though it may be mistaken as a pair of newlyweds and thus be ignored..

Consequently, disrobing and throwing clothes out the window while speeding along, or hanging various body parts outside the window often has much greater affect.

Curiously, these latter actions always seem to soon enough, lead to a law enforcement official steadfastly set into hot pursuit of the happy go lucky, fun loving decoy driver.

Eventually giving up the chase, miles away from the party, the DD will then step out of the vehicle and keep the officer occupied, meanwhile of course all others leave the site unnoticed.

The proper explanation prior to arrest is that they are the Dedicated decoy, and in full control of their faculties, although this may or may not prevent an eventual arrest it is commonly understood many law enforcement officials enjoy this joke tremendously!

If the DD is in fact not sober, once stopped, the officer will ask the DD to step out and the DD may then just invite the officer in to the car exclaiming he is too drunk to get out.

Often such remarks are so humorus the on scene patrolman gets to laughing so hard he usually lets the DD go without an arrest or even so much as a ticket!
Or so I’m told.
Your results may vary.

8. Stay Inside!
Do not expose yourself.

This is a fundamental truth for all solar eclipse scenarios and personal rule of thumb for behavior at parties.

9. The power of suggestion.
As you had the foresight to have hats and T shirts printed up with comedic phrases like,
A. “I was there! ! Anyone know a good cataract specialist?”

B. I saw it with my naked eyes! Is it over yet?

C. Yep! Saw it all and my hands are still 20/20.

D. 2 minutes and 40 seconds. Wow! Just like sex!

Donning your event regalia will suffice to avow your participation and presence at the event of the decades to the MORE INQUISITIVE OF THE LOCALS.

10. how important is it?
Life is littered with substantial, moving, perhaps once in a lifetime occasions. We must perennially inquire of ourselves one theme, ‘how important is it’ in all of our affairs.

Down every road, life demands expense. How we are affected by it is its most formidable tax. Although we can not foresee every upcoming hazard, or bend in the road, we have full control of how we will handle them.

Is catching a glimpse of a big yellow ball getting covered up in broad daylight of end all be all importance? It happens all the time.

Is it as vital as acquiring a new pair of speakers? Is it more imperative than finding the exact right NOS tube?

At the end of the day, Is it so significant a thing I should squander my new preamp savings to get myself and family smack dab into Carbondale Illinois for 2.30 minutes of seething bliss and run the risk of being the guest of honor at a human sacrifice?

The answer naturally is of course, ‘No’.

Were we to opt in, we would suffer the indignation of losing our ‘audiophile’ credentials.
It’s thelaw.

We would be forced to surrender our Audiophile cards. Remain forever besmirched as not pure of inane and insane obsession with sound, gizmos, gadgets, and achieving in home sonics on levels of purity Bose owners will never know

However, on the flip side, we would not then face the embarrassment of telling someone what we paid for a wire, or extension cord, or… OMG… our main amps and speakers actually cost!

We would not be forced to explain our tube gear is not ancient artifacts someone dug up in the formerly lost strongholds of antiquity but are new or recently new.

Yes sireee… that there amp used to be King tuts.

We could then, afford that next trip to CES, RMAF, or dare I say it? Munich?

Now…. We are talking “sense and sensibilities”!

Greetings from Carbondale area! No I didn't expend any of my audio budget getting here, I live here. Staying home to guard my family/property against the Sun Worshipers looking for sacrificial lambs. 

Lak > Thanks for the update;-)!

Blindjim > just trying to be a good neighbor.

Mesch > Greetings from Carbondale

Blindjim > lol .. super. We must be forever vigilant. This is why they make 12ga. Auto loaders, and various forms of ‘gravy’..

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Infection > Vitamin G - lol...!

Blindjim > a balanced diet is the right way to start the day.
A Google search returned Feb 1979 as the last time the U.S. saw a total solar eclipse, as supported by ABC, Wickopedia, and NASA., so I was pretty conforable posting 1979 as the last one, despite the fact it showed well only thru a slendar angle of the country.

As the ’79 solar slice was merely a portion of the US, and not fully spread from coast to coast, a good argument for pointing to 1918 as the last fully spread or coast to coast total eclipse event is well supported.

After the August 2017 solar eclipse, the US will see another solar eclipse on October 14, 2023. That one will be annular, however - which means the edge of the sun will remain visible as a bright ring around the moon.

That eclipse will be visible from Northern California to Florida, according to NASA. After that, the next total eclipse in the US will occur on April 8, 2024, and will be visible from Texas to Maine.

Is it any wonder now, given the swatches of America solar eclipse’ slash across our natie landscape, that we rock and roll as we get our free trip around the sun annually?

Like mesch, I'm fortunate to live in the center of the path and my backyard will get 2 minutes and 36 seconds of total eclipse.

And now a couple of corny jokes for the occasion.

How do you organize an eclipse party?
You planet.

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

tls49 > “…my backyard will get 2 minutes and 36 seconds of total eclipse…”

blindjim > Far out! Absolutely stellar!
Remember to post your “No Virgins Allowed” signs, though if everyone there repeatedly tells your Lunar jokes, crazed solar freaks will definitely want to keep it moving elsewhere. Lol

Or one could put Dean martin’s rendition of “That’s Amore” on a loop, continuously repeating “…. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie…”

A little known fact is no sacrifices can be made when listening to Martin’s song as the mention of ‘pizza’ makes folks very hungry. Once pizza devouring begins, folks hands get all greasy and who can even hold a stone knife properly, let alone use it to savagely retrieve a still beating heart with greasy hands?

“Eclipse it”
Children, right? Lovely.

@blindjim   That's a long post............

I'm surprised you didn't cover the invasion angle. Perfect day for it..... : )
True story: When I was a young’un, my Grandad had a farm and bought my cousin and I each a pony. Neither of us visited often enough to keep the ponies from becoming unruly during rides. Adding to the challenge, my Grandad was too kind to knee the animals in the gut when saddling so the smart critters learned to inhale deeply, thus ensuring a loosely fitted saddle.

One afternoon, I was riding mine alone and wandered far into the fields. Did not know that an eclipse was eminent. Suddenly, the pony reared up and took off like a bullet back toward the barn. No amount of bridling slowed it in the least. Eventually, but well short of the barn, the saddle slid enough that I was fully perpendicular to the ground and in the proximity of furious hooves. I bailed and was thankfully uninjured, but Trigger was soon traded for a Honda minibike. I recall that the frequency of visits increased sharply after that...

Learned early on that eclipses are not to be underestimated in their effect on behavior. Looks like you have far surpassed me in expertise on the subject. lol :)

Greetings from Franklin, SC....well into The Path of The Event.

Having dodged The Great Migration by arriving early and planning to leave late (we knew about this a year ago, and made our plans Then rather than Recently....hotel, route, viewing location, etc.)...we've had the luxury and leisure of being 'witnesses' as opposed to being 'witless' about it.
Happy to report that the general mood up to now is still quite civil.  No hints of animal sacrifice, virgin violations, wholesale nudity, excessive Pink Floyd playing....almost white bread boring, actually.

Personally, I've been fascinated by the spectacle of Us.  Has there ever been an event in human history where so much time, trouble, and money been spent on a transient event of this nature?

No, large scale rock concerts do not apply....not even the 'We Are The World' event, which wasn't big enough to effect anything anyway...
BTW, IMHO, and not to deny the Floyd Fanatics their choice of theme music ( I like PF, too )...a better and more time-sensitive selection.  See how many remember this one....


There is no 'dark side of the moon'....the side we can't see faces the sun half the time.....planetary orbital mechanics works for moons as well as planets.  Just because we can't see it doesn't mean its' dark all the time.

It's physics, kidz....;)

david_ten > I'm surprised you didn't cover the invasion angle. Perfect day for it.....

blindjim > Long? For me? Nope. Lol
Crap. I was so worried about local fanaticism I just forgot. Hopefully its an alien Holiday and they’ll wait.

: )
Dlcockrum > Hilarious, Jim.

Blindjim > thanks.
Sometimes we forget to laugh and begin to take ourselves way too seriously.

Like gravy, laughter is a part of a balanced diet For better mental health.

Dave > “…the saddle slid enough that I was fully perpendicular to the ground and in the proximity of furious hooves.”

Blindjim > yep. There’s the problem. You used a saddle. Without one all you needed was a stump or a fence, or a good running start with a horse that can or will stand still.

Ain’t a horse that can’t be rode, or a cowboy that can’t be throwed.

Guess they are right.

I rode a lot as a youngster and teenager. Some while over seas. Someone told me early on about re-cinching the saddle and if a horse decides to take off how pulling his or her head around enough so you can bite its ear will usually either get their attention, or create an immense resentment in the creature. They’ll slow down or stop and begin bucking.

One of these is a good thing.

Asvjerry > “…Has there ever been an event in human history where so much time, trouble, and money been spent on a transient event”

Blindjim > that was very funny. Thanks. RE above - probably not. But the next one will surpass this one, etc., etc., etc.

Solar groupies from around the world are here for this one. Some are flying across country to view it more than once… or so says the media.

I lived in Mt. Plesant for a while. There, and Charleston.

Asvjerry > Just because we can't see it doesn't mean its' dark all the time.

Blindjim > exactly right. We are so myopic.

I refuse to use protective eye wear for the express purposes of viewing an orbiting rock getting in the way of a big ball of gas.

Down here in the ;’Sunburn state’ anything that lessens the sun beating down on us is a very special day. Even if its only a partial relief its well received.

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Big moment for self was before the Event ensued, a vapor trail appeared in relative alignment to the 'direction' of the moon's movement, tracing across the sky Very Quickly.  "Supersonic..." I thought.

Later read that NASA had a pair of interceptors with equipment chasing the to see one 'at work'....*G*  My taxes doing Something Good....

See y'all 2024...Totality nearest me will run +/- 4 minutes...anything that lasts longer has a certain appeal to me. ;)

When Totality occurred at our location, the bats came out...unmistakable profile and flight characteristics....that was special. *S*