@uberwaltz We demagnetize your portable devices too, so your headphones will sound 20x better. :D
New, Geostationary Orbit Demagnetization Service
Partnering with two major telecommunications providers we are happy to announce that we can now demagnetize your audio gear from space.
Developed by a Czech physicist and already in use by several secret government facilities all over the world, this service will improve the quality of your sound to unimaginable levels. The same technology which allows submarines to hear birds pass gas while in flight will allow us to increase the resolution of your magnetic-acoustic systems.
Coverage is 78% of the US and most of Canada. For $30,000, we will routinely demagnetize you once a month. Both the time and date of the month are configurable for your convenience, to ensure pets, especially birds and ant farms, can be protected.
Due to the nature of resources used you will have to pass a security check. Once that has been approved you’ll be given a web site upon which to enter your address, preferred start time, then it is just a matter of scheduling time on the most convenient satellite.
Should pets and plants start to glow blue, please do not be alarmed, it will dissipate harmlessly.
Please act now, as prices are expected to increase as we take up more satellite time.
Developed by a Czech physicist and already in use by several secret government facilities all over the world, this service will improve the quality of your sound to unimaginable levels. The same technology which allows submarines to hear birds pass gas while in flight will allow us to increase the resolution of your magnetic-acoustic systems.
Coverage is 78% of the US and most of Canada. For $30,000, we will routinely demagnetize you once a month. Both the time and date of the month are configurable for your convenience, to ensure pets, especially birds and ant farms, can be protected.
Due to the nature of resources used you will have to pass a security check. Once that has been approved you’ll be given a web site upon which to enter your address, preferred start time, then it is just a matter of scheduling time on the most convenient satellite.
Should pets and plants start to glow blue, please do not be alarmed, it will dissipate harmlessly.
Please act now, as prices are expected to increase as we take up more satellite time.
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- 14 posts total
What algorithms and adjustment mechanisms are you employing, to compensate for the Earth’s constantly/rapidly shifting magnetosphere and it’s necessarily, attendant interference with your signal’s results and accuracy? Before spending a Dime, I want to be assured of on-going efficacy and technical support! https://www.swpc.noaa.gov/phenomena/earths-magnetosphere AND: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/02/magnetic-north-update-navigation-maps/ |
- 14 posts total