Does anyone remember the LIRPA1 cartridge? The computer controlled cartridge moved around the record on a small "trailer" that was towed by a tiny, radio controlled car. The information from the grooves was transmitted via FM directly to one's phono stage. Turntable rumble was totally eliminated as was the turntable itself. One only needed a record mat. Whatever became of this great cartridge? More information on this and other LIRPA products may be found in the "Audio" magazine annual buyer's guide that was published every October.
Dr. Lirpa's products only worked 1 day per year, on April 1st, therefore the market was somewhat limited.
They had great potential but, since they only worked on 4/1 and needed about two weeks of break-in, it was never realized.
Let's see, that is 14 days at 1 day/year. If Dr. Lirpa released the product in say 1985, would it not have been until 4/1/99 before it was fully functional? And further, wasn't he deceased by then, without ever realizing the products true potential?
I once actually saw a record player that was sort of like this. I can't remember the details--I saw it only for a minute or two fifteen years or more ago--but it was like a little toy car or truck that would "drive" around the record. I'd doubt that the sound would be audiophile quality, and I'd guess that record wear would be high. But, I sort of wish I'd bought one of these. It'd be a conversation piece.
Worse yet. The two weeks need to be continuous. The device is no older today than the day Dr. Lirpa made it.
Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, we continue to push the boundaries of technological belief, why only this very day we have released a new device that will allow one to play CD's on your regular turntable with just a minor adjustment to cartridge tracking weight. Details of this outstanding device are available on our website at Yours truly, Dr. Eustace Lirpa
Great cartridge, at one time Fridge Air Audio marketed them but abandoned the effort after failing to secure a supplier for replacement trailer tires.
And, for those extremely warped records, I recall there being a four wheel drive truck model, the LIRPA1 4WD SE.
I had something similar once. After filming 'The Wizard of Oz' the studio sold off the costumes and effects, as was usual for Hollywood. I wanted the ruby slippers but the price was too high, so I settled for the house-spinning machine instead. The one they used to film the cyclone scene.

It was a simple DIY to lock a record in place, mount a tonearm to one side wall and set the house spinning around it. Kept rumble to a very low frequency.