WAF meaning if wife(fiance) can/can't tolerate YOU/US...?
Anyone you ask "how many" usually will unswer "2 of us are married here" otherwise it's not a legal marriage rather than polygamy or some other abnormal situation.
For those who're not happy being married or having regrets, I would strongly recommend first to kill regrets and than try to bring a happiness back as hard as you can. If you cannot do it yourself please consult a proper specialist(psychologist).
Tim, If you're realy interested about family situation(s) there are plenty of books about family psychology that you could research and even get an independed-study credit in the college or university:)
I've been married, most of the time happily, for 15 years. Two children, a dog & a cat. I wouldn't have it any other way. Before I was married there was something missing that couldn't be replaced with hot rods, Harleys, all night partying, etc. I worked in a rock band for awhile & have lots of fun memories but always went home to a dark house. Sure, nobody else to complain about _______ but conversely nobody to share your day with either.
Speaking of sunshine, if everyday was sunny you'd be in a desert.
Tim, it sounds like you've had a "countdown" going on? And if you're both happy with your freedom(s), that's what is important.
I'll have been married 37 years (in June)-- some of them good too! Regrets? sometimes-- you bet. But on balance, I like being married, although at times, I've wished it was too someone else. As far as WAF is concerned, I have my own semi-dedicated listening room, and I can pretty much do anything I want in there-- well, at least with audio equipment.
Three things that have made our marriage "work" are 1. we've had separate incomes and separate checking accounts for years-- with a separate household account that we both pay into. This approach has largely eliminated fights about money (and no, we're by no means rich-- we've both just worked all our lives). 2. As noted, I have a semi-dedicated listening room where I can do what I want. My wife agreed to this and even helped me pay for the re-modeling needed, so I guess that makes her a "keeper". And finally 3. She has little or nothing to do with my audio system(s);>) This is a success story of sorts, IMO;>). Cheers. Craig
Been married for 21 years, mostly good, some not so good. 2 kids, 2dogs. I have a dedicated 2 channel room she has no interest in, however she does enjoy music. We have home theater in the family room, wife and kids enjoy this.
She has come to accept the fact that I am going to spend money on music and equipment. Acceptance has not been easy, but now she generally leaves me alone about it. Often the equipment is smuggled into the house, (all those black boxes look the same right?).
She is a keeper, no since in changing now. As they say if you're going to deal with the devil, might as well deal with the devil you know.
Hey, Tim.. with all of this great input, you fillin' out yer personal ad on AOL yet? and HEY... what's this with just addressing the men here? yeah, I know that there aren't many of us "girls", but HEY :)
Although i'm not married, my situation is very similar to Craig's. We both keep our finances separately but pay jointly towards all common expenses. Since this gives us each a relatively good amount of financial freedom, who buys what with who's money never comes into question.
As to "acceptance factors" and making each other happy, i basically leave all of the interior decorating to her and she leaves all of the audio / video component selection and placement to me. After all, fair is fair : ) Sean
I happen to be get married in 13 days! I have been with my fiance for 6 years now.
She will sometimes come downstairs and sit on the couch while I listen, but she is not really a participant. That is both good and bad but most of all it just is. It is the way she is and there are things in her life that I don't necessarily participate in.
We fight..sometimes. and mostly it is because one of us or both of us are irritable or something. That's one it's nice for use to be able to withdraw so to speak.
I am 41 so I have put off my first marriage for quite awhile. I used to say that I didn't think I would ever get married. Now I am happy to and also ready.
I enjoyed my years of being single and I have high hopes for the future married ones. It is all part of the life. The tragic thing is that this is the life we get and after each moment passes it is gone....Einmal est Keinmal for you Nietsche/ Kundera fans.
Well I ramble...
By the way for those who have split your finances...what if there are considerable differences in the amount of money you both earn? DOes it still work?
Aj- Most humble appologize!!! How could I forget the handful of ladies that visit us here :)
To everyone-else thanks for the input, I am just at a curious point in my life-I also have more time now to "play" on the forums :)
Marakanetz-lol thanks man, needed the laugh!!! Very true, I should have been more detailed in what I was asking ;)
I just got engaged. Several of my ex girlfriends (and especially the ex wife) called my stereo the "other woman." Traci however, knows how much it means to me. For my birthday, she bought me a set of symposium rollerblocks, for Valentines Day, I got a Arcici Suspense rack. What a woman!
I respect the things that are important to her, she respects what's important to me.
My wife and I have been together for 29 years (married for 19 years)ÂDINKS. Since day one, she knew how important music was to me. We both enjoy doing many activities together: backpacking, telemark skiing, whitewater canoeing, mountain biking, hiking, scuba diving, and exotic travel. We also have very separate interest in our professional lives. She's a samll animal veterinarian and I direct a few statewide projects in public health. Both professions provide us with a great deal of social interactions when we're not together. Most importantly, we try not to control each other. I know when she has made up her mind that something is important to her, I get out of the way, if I can't contribute. She does the same for me. The only time my music gets to her (WAF) is when she's had hectic day and comes home to "loud" music. Fortunately, we each have enough time at home alone to enjoy our individual interests. She works every other weekend at a live-in emergency vet clinic in San Francisco. So I get to crank-up the sounds. Financially, we have a budget that I never touch for my audio desires. I use money from consulting and travel reimbursements for my audio "slush" fund.
WAF means I have Revel F50's instead of Studios in the main system.
WAF is aided with speakers that have good off axis response` so that music can be enjoyed while attending to life's chores, and not only while un the sweet spot.
On our first dates, I tested my then-girlfriend-now-esposa's tolerance of music in all its worst guises: loud, eclectic, experimental, morning noon and night. She passed the hard tests with ease, so normal listening was a cakewalk.
If music is a huge part of your life, you owe it to yourself and your potential partner to do a thorough audition.
8 years, 1 wife, 1 child, 1 cat, 4 stereos (not including car).
JD, i can't answer that question. If you take into account all of the perks and benefits that my girlfriends' job offers, she makes more than i do !!!! As such, i still don't feel slighted by being forced to pay half the bills : )
As to your wedding, Congratulations !!! I am 38, never been married, etc... Like you, i have been with my girlfriend for 6 years. Right now, we feel no need to tie the not or go our separate ways, but you know how that goes. Things could go either way at the drop of a hat. While it is good that both of you are willing to make the commitment to see things through, i would discuss financial matters BEFORE you tie the not. I know that it's coming down to the wire, but better to have it out in the open than to have a lasting confrontation for the rest of your life. Sean
We're in our mid-40's, semi-retired, with 2 dogs. Happy. Wouldn't have it any other way (but I was a very active, read successful, bachelor in my time).
On the hi-fi front my only limitations were that the money had to come out of a separate personal account (all our finances are co-mingled so the money came out my father's estate), I was not permitted to bring Nautilus 802s into the house (so I got 803s which she's more than happy with), and that the dogs would be able to stand the SPLs that sometimes eminate from the system (they leave to go somewhere peaceful).
We've only got one system, in the main living area. Guess what ? She's just redesigned our room and my new recliner made it to the prime listening position, while her's is in a slightly less advantageous setting. And she's going to get improved surround speakers, probably from shared funds, for my birthday. Find your own dream date ! Then marry her.
My wife has (since before I met her) five cats. That took some getting used to. My stereo took some getting used to for her (especially the Spica Angelus speakers). She always said that the cats filtered out the jerks (she observed her boyfriends' reactions to the cats). I think the stereo filters out the jerky women. Anyone who tries to stop you doing what you like to do is a manipulator ... the earlier you discover this the better. Better to be single than in a relationship with a manipulator.
We're very happy together ... I like most of her cats (I even change their litter on occasion) and she now enjoys a much broader range of music. Our daughter (8 months) seems to like the cats and music (though her musical tastes are show tunes and "the wiggles", not quite beethoven).
In summary married and happy ... but glad I didn't get married to some former girlfriends.
I am 41 and will have been married for 17 years in 2 weeks. My wife and I do most everything together and enjoy each others company and hobbies. We have no children, just the 2 dogs, and we spoil each other rotten. We respect each other and don't try to control each other. We both understand that there's times when we need to be alone and we respect that. As far as the WAF issue goes we both have are area's where we will speak up. We both enjoy the audio equipment but I think I enjoy it a lot more than her. She does give me limitations on equipment, but only because of financial reasons and obligations. I haven't really figured her logic yet, but she thinks that the house payment and bills is a higher priority than audio equipment. Have any of you ever heard of this logic?
Before taking the veil and joining the ranks of the nouveau pauvre, your prelate was married for 19 years to a woman with a fondness for imported horses and dressage riding. Yet she gave me hell over every new audio purchase. That is, until the day I had a Larson Cow Experience ("Wait a minute. This is grass. We've been eating grass!") After that, I just did what I wanted with my system and tuned her out. Actually, we got along much better once clear boundaries were set, gradually becoming less like cranky husband and wife and more like amiable housemates. Like old friends sometimes do, we ultimately drifted apart and went our separate ways. She still makes lots of money, still imports her Dutch Warmbloods, still rides every day. I have no money, spend too much of the money I don't have on expensive sound. And we're both happy.
Are you sure you're not me ? You're wrong about how long we've been married and I'm a touch older than 41, but not much. I've never been good with dates, don't know how long we've been married (>10 years though) and can only work out how old I am by going back to my birth year (1957).
My wife is much more likely to spend money on the dogs, like a physical therapist yesterday, and a dog psychologist a while ago. Plus she likes buying skis, skis them once, then trashes them 'cause she doesn't like them (anyone for Atomic 9.18s and/or Volant Chubb TIs ?).
But she stays quiet about 'the stereo' (it's surround sound) unless it's too LOUD. I think I did 'a good thing' when I lent my brother-in-law my Linn Sondek. I got lots of browny points with my wife. What she doesn't realize is that when the deck comes back we're going to have to get a phono pre-amp so it will work in the current system (any suggestions on how to sell that one ?). Nor will it play her old 'singles' (selling just got a lot tougher).
We've been together 12 years and just got married for reals last year. We also divide the finances into two seperate pieces. When we both work (which is rare bceause we are both software consultants) we make about the same amount. We share pretty much the same interests - and just started a small boutique audio dealership together (unabashed plug: www.audiofederation.com :-). My problem with her is different from that of most husbands - she can barely stand the surround sound home theater setup (which I love), prefering 2-channel - and she keeps insisting that we get $20k and $30k monoblocks to play with. I say "Yes, dear, but maybe I should pay off some of my credit cards first?" Luckily she does not read this board very often :-)
I've been happily married for 3 years. Of course I got married 18 years ago. brump bump. Thank you, thank you. Take my wife.....PLEASE. I'm still living with my children's mother, for economic reasons.....I don't want to give up my system. We get along alright, but have mostly a platonic relationship. I imagine once the boys are gone, there will be no reason to stay. I was heard that the divorce rate was only at 50% because the other 50% can't afford it. Like the old joke says: Why is divoce so expensive? Because it's worth it. Ann Landers says the reason most marriages end in divorce is because the woman goes into the marriage expecting the man will change, and the man goes into the marriage expecting the woman won't change. I've quoted that to men and women, and they all agree. It seems the men want to have want they pay for, and the women see it as a challenge as to what they can create.
Well, my youngest is 11 now, so I just need to ride it out a few more years. It's a wonderful life.
Tireguy, don't go crazy and do anything we wouldn't do! My girlfriend and I have been a couple since '95, living together since '98. She says it's my money, so it's my business. She doesn't care about sound too much, but does prefer tubes. Mostly she just wants me to turn it down! BTW, she also calls this forum "The Geekfest" - and I can't really disagree with her, guilty as charged. You'd think that living with a woman would be a moderating influence on audiophilia nervousa, but strangely enough my system has evolved at an increased pace since I stopped living alone. What has fallen off sharply is the amount of time I spend on playing the guitar - something that greatly concerns me. I don't want to trade writing music for listening to it. Or do I file this in with the depleted state of my hair as another sign of middle age having crept up on me?
My wife says I am happy. :)
In some ways marriage is like audio -- synergy is worth waiting for. I know, because I have been lucky enough to find it. My wife and I will have been married for eight years next month, and it continues to get better each day.
Yes, once you get past the initial infatuation, it does take some work to keep things rolling in the right direction (let's be realistic) but it's each person's willingness to put in the necessary work that shows the other person that the relationship is still strong.
If you haven't been able to find your soulmate yet, there's no way to go other than to do what you would if you were searching for the missing "magic" component -- keep on auditioning!
BTW, if I may carry the audio analogy one step farther (possibly even to the point of corniness), many of us guys often approach women as though we were looking to buy a speaker by its cabinet alone. While I won't deny that a well-made cabinet adds to the package, if you want to make beautiful music, it's ultimately the driver that counts. Don't make the mistake of staring at the enclosure when you should be listening to the music.
Married 25 years, same lady. Life is good.
Swingman-Damn that's why I bought avalons!! VERY nice "cabinets", most likely something else would work better for less but they are purty ;)
Do the smart thing, get drunk and go to a strip club!!!
"...some of them standing, some are waiting in line, as if there was something that they thought they might find..."
At the age of 29, and current status of never been married AND single, I don't think "they" will find anything. Interesting thing about life though, something seems to find you.
Jd, congrats! How did you find the time with all your rewiring?
I've been married for 21 years -- actually pretty happy years. My wife enjoys the stereo and listens to it more than I do (she's home more often) but she is not as enthusiastic as Justacoder's wife! My wife is supportive of my hobby, though wishes I would stop buying stuff, in part because I don't buy gear we can't afford and in part because she's happy that my "mid-life crisis" has turned towards audio rather than more amorous alternatives.
From reading the responses, do you get the impression that couples (and WAF or HAF) seem to do better if there are no kids around?
Anyway, good luck Tireguy -- the strip club suggestion sounds like fun but you're going to need to force yourself to tolerate some pretty rotten sound systems: Focus on one sense at a time and you can get through it ;-)
With wedding stuff my darling finace treats me like the fire and forget missle that I am. She just gives me very specific limited instructions and I do it
I've lived with my wonderful wife for about 26 years, married for 24.