Kurt, it sounds to me like you are running into more than one issue. I could be wrong, but at home I can run the system up to 110 db without any added harshness. In fact the system comes off sounding the same at that volume as it does at 85db- there are no loudness cues.
My speakers are 97 db, very easy to drive, and have hard metal diaphragms. I've put a lot of effort into creating 'stillness' in the front end so that it is unperturbed by high volume levels: the preamp and turntable both reside on anti-vibration platforms, which in turn are decoupled from a custom-built Sound Anchors stand, which rests upon Aurios Pro bearings. The amps sit on Silent Running Audio stands.
In addition, the equipment I'm running is designed with intention to not create loudness cues and artifacts. The amps you are using are built with other goals. IMO if you want a relaxed sound at high volumes, you will have to work with equipment that is designed for that purpose...
My speakers are 97 db, very easy to drive, and have hard metal diaphragms. I've put a lot of effort into creating 'stillness' in the front end so that it is unperturbed by high volume levels: the preamp and turntable both reside on anti-vibration platforms, which in turn are decoupled from a custom-built Sound Anchors stand, which rests upon Aurios Pro bearings. The amps sit on Silent Running Audio stands.
In addition, the equipment I'm running is designed with intention to not create loudness cues and artifacts. The amps you are using are built with other goals. IMO if you want a relaxed sound at high volumes, you will have to work with equipment that is designed for that purpose...