Funniest sales pitch

What is the funniest sales pitch you've read? My current favorite is one I just read today. It was,"I'm selling these speakers because they are too good for me."
i read that one too , everybody has seen this one.

im selling beacuse the wife dont like it.

"I bought this xxx and only opened the box to inspect it"

So, uhh, why did YOU buy it?
This is my favorite so I would like to get a good price for it!
Basically any one that indicates they bought it new just two weeks ago only to sell it for 50% less on Audiogon.
"Wife says this amp or she goes, nobody would take her"
I have always loved Joe's(Slipknot1) entry. Guess curiosity killed the old cat, eh? Along with that, the "sealed box" seller also strikes me strange.
"I'm moving to Europe."
"Its been used only a few months and am rating it a 10/10"
i forgot about ( the old movin to europe ) routine , ill bet if you watch the europe movers they will be like the rolling stones, they always stick around.


Wife chopped dick off when she saw the bill for these speakers - need money to have doctors sew it back on! Holding it on ice till these are sold. (Now c'mon, you really expect us to believe that "JWBobbit"?!).

won't fit on my rack, so it has to go!
Need to raise money for my hemerroid surgery?!?
how about "I got 8 of these rowland amps for Xmas, only need one"

Got i want his relatives.

I'd like to see something honest.

"Got caught in the hype, bought this stupid piece of shit, and now i realize what a goddamn idiot i am, please please please somone unload this worthless boat anchor from me. Paypal add 3%"
"The XXXX's are one of finest components that money can buy". Well, if that's the case, why are you replacing it and what did you buy to replace it??? Let me know so that i don't make the same mistake that you did : ) Sean
Best Ever for sure...

Skull said it:

"Selling in order to buy BMW for stripper girlfriend."

A classic.
Jtinn: I agree. That one may take the cake : ) Sean
No, you can't take the speakers home to audition for one day, someone might come in and want to buy them!
True story, I didn't and the store didn't sell them either for at least a year.
I've always had trouble with "DOWNSIZING"
How can someone want to buy something of lesser quality than they already have especially audio.

One liners

..your gain my loss
..first $XXXX takes kidding..
..wife says it has to go.. would have to spend a trillion $$$ to get better...
What's a good reason to sell? I've bought way more stuff than I can use while trying to find synergy in my system. I'd like to sell some of the stuff that didn't stay in my system and all of it is nice gear with rabid fans -- it would be great in somebody's system, but I just can't use it all! And -- yes -- I even have a multi-channel amp that I bought thinking I would build another multi-channel home theater in the house somewhere and have never opened the box. Thanks to you guys, whenever I go to sell these items, I will be hearing snickers in my ears if I put ANYTHING in my ad to explain why I am selling.
"If you're looking at this ad, you know how incredible these XXXX are." Four paragraphs later, I think I'm beginning to get an idea.

"If you pay my asking price (on a $350 interconnect cable), I'll include the shipping."

Or, leave the retail price blank when it's only 10% higher than the asking price.
I always like the ones that emphasize that the unit is "barely used" like it's some sort of collector automobile or something. I want to see something like, "used constantly, and it works and sounds like a dream".

I also like the $100K speakers that "were bought five years ago, used for one day and then have been in storage since".
Rgairns.. "won't fit on my rack, so it has to go!"

I saw one like this(LOL) The guy was selling his multi-thousand dollar amp because it wouldn't fit on his $150.00 rack.. talk about your red flags!
Won't fit in my rack so it has to go is definitely a classic. Strangely enough, I have a friend who does buy equipment only if it will fit into his armoire. But, he is always sure before he buys.

Jonathan, I also remember the "breast enhancement for the stripper girlfriend" pitch.
perfect-like new......minor scratches-otherwise original box...good for its age......all in the same paragraph
Need to sponsor blue pills...
I always enjoy:
Dumbell model 12 - much better than the model that replaced it" Of course it is. Maybe we should all buy old Pioneers, SAE's, Monster Cable and Advents to get the really good stuff.
Or - "bought two, only needed one", then you see the second one come up a week later.
Another favorite in the threads last week- Glowing reports about how your world's changed since acquiring your new sub while you've got two of them listed for sale, and guess what! - bought two only needed one (two available).
This thread should be required reading before being able to place an AGon ad.
'Priced to sell' when the market dictates this, not the seller.
Occasionally I have seen ads that say " serial numbers"! Yeah, baby! Count me in!
Way too much power (for my inefficient speakers, ha)..... I decided to go single-ended !!
"This ______ sounds as good or better than those costing 2 to 3 times this price."
So, from what I read...

"Not enough room in my stripper girlfriends rack because of her upgrade, my wife found out and won't let me keep it (or the girlfriend). So to my wife I say that I only opened it up once to play with the upgrade and then I put them back. Yeah, my wife's getting too much power too, so I decided to sell both the wife and stripper girlfriend on eBay to pay for another upgrade, but decided to downsize and get a Hummer instead, that is, a Hummer without a VIN."

Enjoy... :)
Well, a proper stripper girlfriend should also be a hummer...

I'm selling this $10,000 solid state amp to go back to $500 tube system. Or I'm selling my $10,000 Wolcott tube amps to get a used $500 NAD amp.
this 1 wins, hands down,BOSE WAS MADE BY MCINTOSH, im not kiddin one bit.

there is some nut selling a bose 1801 amp on ebay right now claiming that bose was made by mac.

i wish i had known this fact before i invested 15,000 in mac gear.

i coulda saved a ton o cash if only i had bought a bose lifestyles system.

Bigjoe- there was some guy on eBay a while back - perhaps he's still
doing it - who was offering to 'host' an advertisement on his bald head!
I forget whether it was a tattoo or temporary thing, but the price was
pretty steep as I recall.

By far the best sales pitch I've ever read on any e-trade site was on eBay
and was widely publicized. It was some guy selling his ex-wife's
wedding dress. He modeled the dress himself, hairy chest and all, but
that wasn't the funniest part. The guy's sales pitch was bust a gut
laughing hilarious! I think he ended up going on several talk shows as a
result of the auction and his pitch. I'm sure you could still find the
listing somewhere on the Internet though the auction was long over. I
think it had something like 12 million hits when I viewed it and that is no

Here's the eBay listing for the famous wedding dress guy. It broke an eBay record with over 6 million hits by auction's end!

You can find articles about him online doing a search under "ebay wedding dress guy"

I nearly pissed my pants when one of my friends sent me the link to the wedding dress auction. A prize winner, for sure.
His originality in marketing paid off in a big way too. He was able to get $3500 for that used wedding dress. I wonder what i could get for some of my old socks and underwear if i were to come up with a creative story??? Should i try it here or on Ebay first??? Anybody wanna help me write the add??? : ) Sean
jax, hahahahahahaha, too good, that guys sales pitch was over the top.

"I'm selling this unit to fund the purchase of a large batch of Viagra pills to save my failing marriage!" :o
Sure, Sean. How about "these socks were 'worn' on stage by Robert Plant; I was a young groupie at the time and..." well, and so on.

KP: I don't quite think that this is a marketing approach i want to take. Something about me supposedly being a groupie and the imagery that this would conjure up for most folks leaves a bad taste in my mouth... : )

Maybe i should do like the Clinton's did i.e. donate my old socks and underwear to Goodwill and take a tax deduction. After all, due to the high demand for these items, they are probably worth hundreds if not thousands of dollars : ) Sean
Sean, especially the underwear with the infamous Presidential "stains"!
Reminds me of one of my favorite jokes, "The doctor asked for a urine sample, a stool sample, and a blood sample - so I just handed him my underwear."
I am selling my multi-million dollar rig at a HUGE discount, due to a reversal of fortune, and impending legal fees.

Ken Lay
I'm selling my entire collection of 200 CD's because I can't figure out how to get that cellophane wrapper off any of them.
Rooze, are you making fun of me?
I'm selling my entire Vinyl collection, all pre 1980, scratched and warped but in otherwise excellent condition. Selling to get back into 8 track.
My new favorite: There's a $50,000 pair of speakers on here that the owner is calling "Giant Killers"
I like the one about selling equipment to pay for the boob job for the stripper girlfriend. To me, the big tipoff that the seller is not a REAL audiophile is that he has his priorities straight.