don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers
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"I sat there listening to the monotonous stacatto of rain on my desk top and reading my name on the glass of my office door: "regnaD kciN". My secretary lay snoring on the floor, her long, beautiful gams pinioned under the couch. I didn't hear him enter, but my nostrils flared at the smell of his perfume - Pyramid Patchouli! There was only one joker in L.A sensitive enough to wear that stuff, and I had to find out who he was..."
"Why does the Porridge bird lay its eggs in the air?"
"Defoliating a victory garden sure does work up an appetite."
"I'd like to order a pizza to go with no anchovies."
"A couple of Theosophists down at the end of the bar were raisin' the Devil. Had him about three feet off the ground when I walked in."
"Antelope Freeway, one hundred and twenty-eighth of a mile."
"Welcome to the future, where Robot's Rules of Order do not apply."
Whoops, sorry about that. Oddly enough, Firesign riffs are about all I remember of the years from 1969 to 72. Wonderful lateral thinking and tangential humour - really satisfied the brain munchies :-)
"I'm Pastor Flash from the Presumptuous Assumption of the Blinding Light. Oh blinding light, oh light that blinds, I cannot see, lookout for me."
"featuring Venus Envy hairspray, with accompanying self-blinding eye shadow and deported Italian napagel balls for soaking or eating."
"We have factory-installed air conditioning, factory-installed in our factory-installed air conditioned factory."
Hot buttered goatcustards.
"Welcoming to Barbaria, my infidel friends. Ooh, what is this peeking out from under your underwear...it's a bottle of whiskey on my head. The whiskey head tax here in Barbaria is 1060 karooms or I could challenge you to a 'diet cola'"
"Just pay it, sir, we're in over our heads."
"So what is the purpose of your visit to Spires"
"My good man, this is the American ambassador. We're here to take over the American Embassy"
"Ooooh, that's lots of fun. My friends and I do it every week, but you need men with underwear on their heads and guns..."