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My Audio Aero doesn't play DVDs, but has all of the other characteristics you are looking for. For now it is the center of my system. It has several digital inputs. At the moment I use the coax for DVD and toslink with my Yamaha five-disk CD player when I get lazy and don't want to get up to change disks. I will soon be routing the audio portion of my satellite system through it, also. the Audio Aero has volumn control and both balanced and unbalanced outputs. I am biamping to two rooms.
Unclejeff's idea would work, get a cap. MkII and an inexpensive DVD player and use a digital input on the cap. mkII the only possible down fall of this is you would have 2.0(stereo) sound and NO dolby digital. Another option would be to wait for the new audio aero prestige to come out and it will do it all for around 16k, and killer looks to boot. The only problem with this piece(aside from the price) is that I have been told for over a year that it is going to be coming out in 3 month- or that seems to be the answer I was getting up till recently when I was informed don't plan on seeing one any time soon.
Nickspicks, I use a Denon DVD5000 in my HT. It has all of the features you desire and actually sounds very nice playing redbook. It is a very serious unit in terms of build quality and uses Burr/Brown dacs in "dual diff" configuration.
I have been seeing them used on this site for about $500-$600. They were originally $2500 new. No balanced connectors but otherwise every possible connection you could ask for including digital pass through.
Just a thought. Good luck.