Do these speakers exist?

I'm sure you've looked at Green Mountain. Impedance does dip a bit below at some frequencies, but you can definitely drive them with your 20 watt SET. I would not rule them out (or others mentioned here) just because the spec sheet doesn't line up perfectly with your rigid criteria.

What about the GMA Pico models?

You might look at the line of speakers from Coincident.

Silverline is 1st order? That surprises me.

Here's a thought: the floorstanders from Reference 3A. They are not as strictly time and phase aligned as GMA or Thiel or Vandersteen, but otherwise I think they meet the requirements.

Am I pathetic, or what?!

Are you kidding? You held steady with one pair of speakers for 6 whole months...C'mon, get with the program here.

I've been reading the GMA website the past couple of days. I highly recommend it to everyone. Thoughtful, well-written, detailed explanations of the goals for each model, the approach taken to solve different problems...he describes just about everything. I would be surprised if there are more than a handful or two of speaker designers who know as much as Roy does or who are as disciplined and methodical about building their products.