Bi-wiring mishap

So all right, all ive been hearing about lately is bi-wiring, bi-wiring so I thought I’d give it a try. Not knowing what the heck bi-wiring is but being the wordsmith that I am I knew that bi means two in the queens latin (just like dos equis means two horses) and so I figured, connect TWO wires. Simple enough. Well, I wasn’t getting any results at first so I asked my g/f to listen for any differences the bi-wiring might be making. Nothing, however was coming out of my speakers no matter how high I turned up the volume knob.

So I asked her to listen closely to hear if she could detect any signs of life. As she pressed her ear against the woofer I bi-wired; I took the speaker wire with the red thing and the speaker wire with the black thing and touched them together. Well…. First let me say this: my girlfriend is OK. She’s fine, despite what she says. Two specialists have now confirmed what I had suspected all along: any damage to her hearing was minimal at worst.

Furthermore, although I admit that I have never used the word ‘Jeepers’ (not out loud anyway) I will swear to the day I die that this was not in any way meant to be sarcastic. What would you say after experiencing such a thunderous clap, and peeking around you speaker to find your girlfriend, who was not two seconds prior only millimeters away from the speaker, across the entire length of the room with feet peering over the upturned couch like two periscopes? ‘Jeepers’ is not entirely out of line. Furthermore, I wonder how she could have heard this if her hearing was really as damaged as she claims?! I did not, as she says, scream it. Also, I defend myself that I did not snicker as I lifted the sofa off of her body. What is funny about a blown woofer? I’m sure, when I noticed her chest beginning to heave up and down again that I may have smiled from happiness that she was alive, but snicker? Those were very expensive speakers.

The upshot is this: can someone tell me if I did something incorrect or if this was some problem with the system? I plan to bi-wire again soon. If anyone is in the LA area and would like to lend an ear, please let me know. (oh yeah, some of you may have read my post about the remote for the turntable I was seeking and wondering if this is the same girlfriend and yes, she is one in the same – the screamer. Again, my annoyance over her screaming at my turntable set up in no way inspired me to snicker at the very scary incident described above nor was it the very reason that I bi-wired in the first place. revenge is not worth avantguardes. i keep telling her this.)
I really don't have anything to say to help you...sorry. On the other hand I fell out of my chair laughing while reading your post. So here is what I suggest. By all means get someone else to lend an ear and then write another post. I can't wait to read it. You may want some liability insurance just to be safe, like an umbrella policy or something, if you plan to entertain us often.
yes there is definitely something wrong with your system. just guessing here but i'd say you have a screw loose, maybe more than one.
You seem like the adventurous type. Have you tried by-passing your system altogether and wiring directly to the 110V outlet? It will blow you away! For a real treat you can try your bi-wire technique and achieve 220V. On a time limited basis of course......
BTW, "dos equis" doesn't mean "two horses." its an idiomatic phrase that roughly translated means "xorro's been here, twice."
I think that's why miners used to take canaries into the mines with them, not their girlfriends. Buy her flowers Kublakhan, she will be able to smell them and look at them. Make that two bouquets - bi-flowering. Best of luck.
Never and I mean NEVER handle/change you speaker cables or
interconnects without turning off all equipment. This is common sense, but never violate this golden rule.

Also when bi-wiring speakers you must remove the connecting
bar or jumpers that connect the two sets of cable connectors. Failure to do so will also result in serious equipment damage.
And NEVER have the positive and negative (red and black, in your case and in all likelihood) speaker leads touch each other, unless you want to start arc welding. Very funny writing, hope your friend is fully recovered.
You could put this in the "worst audio injury" thread & probably get some good votes! Kelly & Wirehead I just had to give you some ++'s for the above; are we really allowed to laugh this hard?
Next time let your girlfriend do the wiring and you put your ear to the speaker. I personally like to have the black touch the red when I place them under my tongue.
The event you have just witnessed was conducted by qualified stunt professionals. DO NOT try this at home.
swampwalker: very adroit. i still wanna' know, tho, how frequently during a walk thru the swamp you need to check beneath your underwear for leeches. ;) -kelly
Dear Kubla,

Your question, "can someone tell me if I did something incorrect or if this was some problem with the system?", ia a semi-rethorical ambiguous one.

It appears that the statement that best describes your situation, and that at the same time kind of answers your question, would be: IF your intent was to bi-wire in the audiophile sense of the word, YES, you "did something incorrect" WHICH RESULTED in "some problem with the system" (AND your friend, for that matter... :)

I noted that noone has suggested how to bi-wire; here is a correct method:

1) Make sure you have TWO sets of LEFT *AND* TWO sets of RIGHT outputs on your amp, which are NOT marked A and B! If they ARE marked A abd B, *DO NOT CONTINUE*
2) Turn everything off
3) Take two identical sets of speaker wire for the left side, two identical sets for the right side (=4 total).
4) Insert both LEFT sets in to the LEFT out of the amp, Black wires in Black connectors, Red wires in Red connectors for both sets.
5) At your speaker, make SURE the bridge clamp IS installed. Almost all vendors recommend ONLY removing it if you are bi-amping.
6) Connect RED wire to RED connector, BLACK wire to BLACK connector for both sets of wires
7) Repeat 4, 5 and 6 for right speaker
8) Double check
9) Turn on and enjoy the music

Probably very obvious, but the suggestions above for plugging speakers in to 110/220 will result in very short lived enjoyment of intense bass... If you decide to try, be forewarned that I have actually managed to launch the ciols from woofers using this technique, so make sure your friend is not in front of it, or you're looking at an ER visit and surgery...

Kelly- actually, its the ticks that are the problem (Lyme disease named after Lyme, CT; about 40 miles as the crow flies or the leech slithers from my home).
A. Did you remove the jumpers from the two sets of posts on your speakers? B. Are you using two amps or one? C. Did you take your medication before trying anything?
I know this is totally irrelevant, but I once read that Elvis was watching TV and Wayne Newton was on performing. He blew out the screen with a shotgun. Talk about a video game! I hope there are no weapons in your home.
You know you guys are mean spirited;laughing at K's mis fortune(or his so ) I live near LA, I'd be happy to come over,and help you bi wire.After we're finished,I need somebody to hold the fan belt,while I start the motor and check my alternator.
To be honest, I don't find this funny at all; it is tragic. If that poor girl has any sense at all she will get a new boyfriend. How STUPID can you get? Man, if I did something that dumb I sure wouldn't broadcast it to the world. So how many of you audiophiles would consider a "minimal loss of hearing" no big deal??? If STUPIDITY were a crime my friend, you would get a life sentence. If I were in your girlfriend's shoes, I'd dump you cold and then sue your dumb ass. To be such an IDIOT and then brag to the world about it just blows me away. If they have confession in your religion you ought to go twice -- once is just not enough in your case! Good Luck -- I think you're going to need it.
Plato, this was the best response to my post of them all. i'm laughing so hard i can barely type!

I still can't stop laughing!!!!!!!
I can't either - very funny stuff, guys. like you did is like shaking a bottle of nitro-glycerin because you thought it was "the right thing to do"-- before using it to clean your systems contacts. Hope your G/F really is OK, and sorry about the speakers. Cheers? Craig
Khan-man, you're welcome -- I'm glad I could help out -- but you've got to be more careful. I mean, what if after your girlfriend flipped over the sofa she had hit her head on some Valid Points? Not a pretty picture, is it? If this sort of thing is part of your usual foreplay, then please accept my apologies for taking it so seriously.
plato, i appreciated your concern. but really i was just playing around - none of this happened - i just thought it would have been funny if it did. and the day i get a pair of avantguardes is the day i wont need a girlfriend anyway so there wont be one around to go flying over the couch :)
Kublakhan, I hope you won't be discouraged and will keep us all informed of any further adventures.
I hope that you never do this again...Probably new to this stuff.. have GOT to be kidding.
We need to take his stereo away before he kills soneone.
Kubla your sense of humor is disturbing, you probably think
making prank/obscene phone calls is amusing also. Go play your games somewhere else.
hey megasam, your sense of seriousness is disturbing - go play high school teacher somewhere else.
Kubla, that was the funniest post i've ever read. i can't even imagine the level of intelligence it takes to read it and believe it's true and not see the obvious spoofing going on. jeepers!

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.

Just one question Kublakhan, my high school teacher liked Olivia Newton John, is this the same Xanadu she starred in? Do you have pictures of her? Are you friends with the guys in Electric Light Orchestra?

Just thought this would be the ideal place to get in some serious discussion, much like you have posted. Ever heard of They like your brand of mental masturbation there.
Sounds as if his girlfriend should see a lawyer.
Albert, did you all also have to memorize all 54(?) lines
of Samuel Taylor Colleridge's poem in school? Wonder if we went to different schools together. I used to look for the maiden with the dulcimer in my visions too.
Snooker14. No thank goodness, I was only required to read it. I had to go to reference material for this post, as I knew I could not quote it accurately. I was annoyed at the direction of this topic, as many members thought there was a real call for help and advise, when it was posted in fun. There are sites that are perfect for this type of writing skill, but if a serious audio question about bi wiring were to be posted there, the result would be even more hideous than experienced here at Audiogon. I am always afraid that new people that come here for help will for one reason or another loose interest. We need everyone possible to support the industry, it is ridiculously small as it is.