Audiophile Humor


An audiophile is boasting to his club at a meeting about his exotic and tres expensive new interconnects. Veils have been lifted, levels of detail exposed, factors-of-ten improvements in sonics..."

As he does this, a club member sneaks over to the interconnect and scrubs off the brand name.

Seeing this, the first audiophile loudly proclaims, "You idiot! You've ruined them! Now I can't tell them apart from any other cheap interconnect!"


You know why speaker cables have different names?

So you can tell them apart.


How is listening to a turntable like hearing a drummer knocking on your door?

The sound keeps speeding up and slowing down.


What's the definition of a gentleman?

Someone who has a mint pristine first pressing Hi Fi copy of "Bang Barroom and Harp" and doesn't play it for you.


An audiophile saves up for years and years to get a mint copy of "Look of Love" and on the way home from picking it up, decides to stop at the record store to buy a protective cover for the sleeve.

"I'll only be inside a minute, I'll just leave it in the backseat, it's cool out. I'll lock up the car and be right back."

He's only gone for a moment, but when he comes out of the store he is crestfallen to see the back window has been broken out of his car. He races up to the window, expecting the worst.

When he looks inside the car, he sees......two copies of "Look of Love."

Description of a setup, maybe you’ve seen something like it. Not a joke per se, but still humorous. This has actually been hanging around the web for a while.

Turntable - A vintage VIP Boyscout circa 1966 recently upgraded with a custom plinth hand made of Nubian Dragon wood illegally harvested from Djibouti at great personal risk but used for it’s exceptionally nubian tonal response.

Tonearm - SMEK series 1984 modded with X-1R Crawler Track Lubricant from the Space Shuttle to give an out of this world character.

Cartridge - Koetsuzuki Ivory Platinum, a very limited production run of fifty three units, each one hand carved from a white key removed from the Blüthner Grand Piano that was used by The Beatles during the "Let it Be" sessions. The resulting musicality and magical aura is thought to be obvious to all.

Phono stage - Womanley Labs Marlin all tube stage with Russian Svetlanovski tubes that have had a few hundred months burn in time as used in the system of Sergei Rachmaninov as he listened to RCA Victor Program Transcription pressings of Beethoven symphonies for inspiration.

A/D converter - Apologee Schmenke 192 converter with firewire and vintage ESDI interfaces.

Cables - Galemark exclusively uses and endorses Lardas cables. They give him his signature fat sound. (Actually, Galemark would like you to know that he never uses any product as pedestrian as Lardas, but since they are paying him big bucks for the endorsement deal, that is what he is telling people.)

Software - Audacious for Vistakon OS with proprietary dither program written for me by Peter Gotcher because we’re boys.

Cleaning - VIP Monsoon machine with a top secret fluid. This special enzymatic fluid is made with several proprietary agents, including pure bile removed from Steve Hoffman’s gall bladder during his recent back surgery. The Hoffman magic shines through on every one of my drops.

these "jokes" are funny, because they hit at the woo-woo of uneducated audiophiles (no muffy, your advanced degree from Yale in Afghani basket weaving techniques does NOT count!)

Be sure to break in your electrical receptacles before replying!
Did anyone see Michael Fremer's recent video showing the great new BS6000 that some wag was showing at the Marketplace? Rather funny. Check it at 10mins 30sec here...
(Gets to the sound under the grooves of your vinyl and reaches between the layers on your CD). Usually $6000 but had a "show-special" price of $8450. Splendid.
jaybe, "Best of Show" award. ;)  Hits closest to some of the hyperbole surrounding various objects offered for our attention.  It has gotten to the point that what used to be taken with a grain of salt has grown to the size of a salt lick...

"Whatya mean, you can't hear the difference?!"

Well, let's see...  Since my spouse claims that either I can't hear some things at times, balanced out by claims that I'm hearing things, I've come to the conclusion that my grip on reality (whatever It is) has loosened a tad.  There are days that I'm quite happy with that observation, given current thought that we're existing in a holographic universe or next to a parallel one that's running backwards.  But then I'm confronted by the claims that all that we read is 'fake', which on occasion is what I'd prefer anyway.

Now...I suspect that my experience isn't unique...or I'd prefer to delude self with that conception, if only for personal amusement and id/ego management protocols.  Which leads me to some interesting conclusions about 'life' in the abstract, and high end audio in the specific...

Which, if y'all have not passed out or passed on this little novella, ought to have lit the comprehension lightbulb as to my slant on the humour previously presented:

You bought it.  You like it.
I will be diplomatic about it if I can't hear it.
If pressed, I will be truthful, IMHO about what that might be.
Try not to take it as an attack.
Please return the favor.

Anyway....back to today's cartoon....;)
The funniest audiophile humor, IMHO, was the old cartoon series in Stereo Review.  By Rodriguez, IIRC?  And I have one cartoon of a rather angry wife yelling at her husband, who is planted in his sweet-spot chair:  "$5,000 for a pair of cables, because you can 'hear the difference,' and you can't even hear me calling you from the kitchen!"
Stereo Review’s, "funniest" and biggest joke was Julian Hirsch, the stone deaf, everything-sounds-the-same, "audiophile".   Of course, those of like aural acuity never could get the joke.
Actually Julian Hirsch said that amplifiers that measured approximately the same will sound approximately the same. 

He said a lot more than that(to which I wasn't even referring), over the years. To me, his classic was, "I never listen to live music, but- I have a pretty good idea what it sounds like." Even somewhat needing the rag, to keep informed as to what was available to some, "economy" customers, I could never bring myself to buy another issue after that one. OOPS! I did buy one more issue, when the Panor Dynaco Stereo 70 II was debuted, in the 80’s. Getting my laughs from the daily newspaper’s cartoons, was much less expensive, not to mention- didn’t make me cringe.
My favorite audio cartoon was in TAS in the early 90's, showing two bums laying in a garbage heap in Skidrow, and one is reminiscing to the other:  "I used to have a beautiful wife, a nice house, a great job.........but then I discovered that I could hear DIFFERENCES between audio components....."
Brother, can you spare a dime, er I mean a hundred, I need a new hi-fi tuning fuse.
Post removed 
abnerjack, yeah, I've stood accused of delusional activities.  Nothing to the level of the vid of the couple smoking bath salts and his jumping out the window, which may have been triggered by listening to 'death metal'...

Equipment unknown in that case, but that response may have been bad cables or a compromised DAC.  His female companion seems to be either utterly blissed out or hopefully tone deaf....

I suspect most audiojunkies have succumbed to this ancient enigma, to which there is no cure....

The radar man with a micro-mind If you should see upon the street A man equipped with dipole feet With a family of curves trailing behind He's a radar man with a micro-mind His eyes take on a neon gleam His ears extend to a Yagi beam His mouth becames another pulse gate His heart pumps blood at a video rate With micro-seconds and micro-waves And micro-volts he fills his days And thereby in the curse of time He developed a micro-mind This Radar man with the passing years Attained infinite impedance between his ears And finally succumbed to an heavy jolt When he got what he thought was a micro-volt The Doc looked up from his micro-scope Turned to his collegues and softly spoke No trace of a brain can I find He's a Radar man with a micro mind

It's that 'infinite impedance' part that afflicts me...nothing looks 'normal' anymore...;)
Tough room…Julian Hirsch paved the way for modern "subjective" reviewing by never doing any of that. He was the "consumer reports" of audio.
Randy, unless you were being ironic ;-), Aczel’s mag was The Audio Critic. And critical it was! There are a bunch of issues viewable on the TAC website, but new ones are a very rare occurrence---Aczel is pretty old now, and admittedly sick and tired of the whole thing.
I like the joke where one audiophile says to another, "I have this nightmare: I die and my wife sells off my stereo system for what I told her it cost."  :-D
I was having trouble getting the best imaging from my speakers. One day they were surveying the property next to me so I asked the guys if they could help me align my speakers to my listening position. They brought their gear into my listening room and set every up to align my speakers.  $100. Best money I ever spent. Imaging, bass response all improved dramatically. 

Good business opportunity. 

..speaker surveyor... LOL

...look for this service to be offered soon at high end audio shops. 

Hear about that girl who  went fishing with five guys ?

 Came back with a Red Snapper !

besides Audio Cryptic, there is Stereopile, The Absolute Clown, etc.
I guess I don't really need to look here for humor any more. Just turn on the TV. Make you laugh or make you cry.


tough room indeed. Does Julian Hirsh still write and review?
Happy Listening!