A little levity on September 1st


As we all know, I don't post any of the monumental amount of spam I receive, but this provided me with more than a few chuckles over the past two days, so I figured, why not share it with my audio buds.

Hope everyone enjoys these as much as I did,
9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their rear ends to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their tails!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the darn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dummy?
That was hi-larious! Thanks for making me laugh!
Joe, I thought it was gonna be signed, Yogi Berra.
LOL...good ones...definite keepers
George Carlin, very funny man. Thanks Trelja.
People who phone you and say " Listen.................."

Add one more:

"To be honest with you", especially coming from your financial advisor's mouth. So all along he was not honest and only interested in stealing money from you. I knew one.
People who say:
"It goes without saying that". If it does, why say it?

"You're more than welcome." How can you be MORE than welcome?

Yeah, "to be honest with you" basically says, "Normally I don't tell the truth." Why would you trust anyone who says that?

What's the difference between "new" and "brand new"?

People who say "you know" - an annoying habit. If I know it, why are you telling me?

how about when people say

"I don't mean to sound rude but..."

it is usualy followed by something that is rude...and avoidable
Like stated in the movie Office Space "Someone has a case of the Mondays"
Thanks for the responses, guys! I particularly like 1, 4, 8, and 9.

I am now reminded of the line in High Plains Drifter, where the short fellow asks Clint Eastwood, "What'd you say your name was again?" To which the Spaghetti Westerner answers, "I didn't."

How many people ask this question after speaking to you for a little while, you knowing all the while that you didn't tell them your name? I am ALWAYS tempted to submit Clint's answer.
Since my cable box has no numeric keypad, it's quite difficult to switch from ch5 to ch405 manually hence I've got to find it fo' sure...
Life is short, cause never enough buckaroos!
Great stuff. I loved #1. It also reminds me of the IMO or IMHO stuff I see all the time. I always want to say, "Oh really. Is it really your very own opinion? I thought you were giving me some other persons' opinion." People when you give your opinion you don't have to point at yourself and say,"This is my opinion." We know that! IMO
How'bout "I hate to tell you this..." but I'm gonna tell you anyway...
It's all good stuff. 8^)
My friend told me a very classified information I'm going to share with you...